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Old 01-21-2012, 04:31 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
Reputation: 14495

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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Or, how about this? The OP's DIL may be a jerk or she may be overwhelmed with 5 young kids, a husband who travels and a MIL who constantly belittles her because she isn't working outside the home to increase her families SES? Since we have yet to hear any actual example of what she says or does (despite several requests), we really have nothing to go by except the OP's claim that she demands societal (not just familial but society as a whole!) kudos for existing and being home with her children. The OP appears to be obsessed with the concept of any parent who doesn't bring home a paycheck, continually demanding answers as to why they would do this when it (in her esteemed opinion) has no positive impact on the family. She doesn't understand it so it must be worthless. Perhaps this poor woman would just like a modicum of respect from her MIL. Or perhaps she is a jerk. If I was going on a rampage against someone who is a jerk however, you can bet I'd be giving examples without being asked. The OP has been asked but still has yet to define exactly what is so awful about this person that she's willing (even eager?) to cut her and her grandchildren out of the family. Interesting. And sad.
No. She does not have a MIL who belittles her for SAH. Ddil does not need to work so there is no reason she should if she doesn't want to. I have NEVER said anything negative to her for not working. My stance has always been that if you're lucky enough to be able to afford not to work and that's what you want to do, congratulations, you won. You get what you want. Working or not working only really matter financially. Dss supports his family well. Her working would not improve the situation at all. In fact, it would hurt because she has no skills and couldn't get a job making enough to cover day care for 1 child let alone 5. You are jumping to conclusions here.

Yes, I believe that when mom's working will improve her family's situation, she should work but that's a no brainer. Ddil can't improve her family's situation by working and, frankly, it doesn't really need improving. They live a life of abundance as things are. When working won't improve your situation and you don't want to work, then you don't work. Whatever decision mom makes simply needs to be one that doesn't require her family to sacrifice. If ddil decided she wanted to work, that would be ok too because dss makes enough to cover day care for the kids if she wanted to work. Her income is irrelevent. That being the case, she gets her choice in the matter without having to worry that she's asking her family to do without anything to support that choice. As SAHM's go, she's in a great position. I have no issues with her SAH...other than her attitude. I don't get the arrogance and self edification.

Seriously, how many people would think that a mom with 5 kids should be working? Now I did think she should have worked when dgs1 was a baby because she chose to live in a situation that was bad for him in order to not work. She and dss were not together and she lived in an environment that was not suitable for a baby rather than get a job. THAT I had a problem with but with her and dss married, she has no need to work. Now, her smoking during pregnancies and around her kids I take issue with... I've talked to dss about this but not her. They do step outside to smoke when we come over but the ashtrays around the house testify to the fact they don't when home alone. Fortunately, none of the kids have developed breathing problems.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-21-2012 at 04:46 AM..

 
Old 01-21-2012, 04:57 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,363,106 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
You get what you want.
Ivory, this can be applied to anything. For example, if you want a bad relationship with your DIL, you got it.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 05:01 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,363,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivorytickler View Post
i wonder if this has anything to do with the fact she's never accomplished anything in her life other than having babies.
bingo! And if you think that is nothing to be proud of, you are just competing with her.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 05:44 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
bingo! And if you think that is nothing to be proud of, you are just competing with her.
Having kids, itself is not a source of pride. It just means the plumbing works and since none of us control that, no I don't think having babies is something to be proud of. I think having babies obligates us to society to raise them well. Actually acquiring babies is something to be thankful for no matter how we manage to get them. I don't feel proud to be a mom. I didn't do anything to deserve to be a mom. I feel lucky to be a mom. My kids are a blessing. I am proud of their accomplishments and I hope I'm living up to my responsibility as a parent but I didn't do anything here to be proud of by having kids. In fact, given the over population of thise world, I can make a better argument for the childless by choice being proud of not having kids. I did the selfish thing and had them even though society did not need me to have them. People who adopt special needs kids have reason to be proud. I have reason to count my blessings and be thankful for them.

And why would you think this means I'm competing with her? How am I competing? And who wins? The one with the most babies??? That statement is about as silly as the ones ddil makes.

I have known a dozen or so MSAHM's like ddil and, all of them are uneducated and have accomplished little so it does look like they're trying to make up for that by patting themselves on the back for being SAHM's. It does look like they're covering the fact they've never really done anything deserving of pats on the back so they're trying to find them through their kids. Seriously, how arrogant can you get. My kids area not my accomplishment. I'm just blessed and happy to have them and I hope, when all is said and done, society thinks I lived up to my responsibility to raise them well.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-21-2012 at 06:02 AM..
 
Old 01-21-2012, 05:56 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,363,106 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

And why would you think this means I'm competing with her? How am I competing? And who wins? The one with the most babies??? That statement is about as silly as the ones ddil makes.
Okay. You are not competing.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
Ivory, this can be applied to anything. For example, if you want a bad relationship with your DIL, you got it.
That isn't what I want. That's what she wants. I can't change her and she doesn't want to change. So I'll just avoid her.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
Okay. You are not competing.
Correct. I'm just trying to figure out how to get along with someone who is so arrogant but I'm thinking that is a lost cause.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Australia
8,011 posts, read 2,713,293 times
Reputation: 38423
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
That isn't what I want. That's what she wants. I can't change her and she doesn't want to change. So I'll just avoid her.

And she can't change you and you don't want to change.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,697,018 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobber View Post
And she can't change you and you don't want to change.
In what way could I change to change this situation? I'm not the one who is going off telling others how great I am and how sucky they are. She is. I simply see no point in keeping someone this arrogant in my life or in my kids lives. If she weren't family, I'd just roll my eyes, walk away and never give her another thought.

The solution with my sister was just to not talk to her until she moved on to another stage of her life. I'm thinking that's the solution for dealing with all arrogant SAHM's who are breaking their arms patting themselves on the back. I really don't want to hear it. So you think you're great. Go tell the mirror. I really don't care to hear your self edifying BS and it is BS because, at the end of the day, our kids don't turn out very different based on our working status alone and the little difference they find actually favorst the WM (not enough to worry about IMO but there is nothing out there to make anyone believe that SAH is some speical form of parenting that yeilds better results.).

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-21-2012 at 06:15 AM..
 
Old 01-21-2012, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Australia
8,011 posts, read 2,713,293 times
Reputation: 38423
Why do you care if she's saying how great she is and how sucky you are if you are confident that you have made the right decision for your family? It should be water off a duck's back... so it seems that perhaps you're not as confident of your decisions as you suggest.
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