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Old 01-21-2012, 12:12 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,272 posts, read 15,058,088 times
Reputation: 20869

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
A wise mother would do well to listen to what her children are saying to her. Out of the mouths of babes, so it's said. You said you pretty much always worked. You claim to have made your children's lives better in doing so. That is your perception. Don't think for one minute that your daughter/daughters haven't spoken to her about your absence. The heart wants what the heart can't have.....especially true when speaking of young people.

You can be sure that your own children have been envious of your DIL's children. They have a mommy....who is all theirs. Deep down in your heart, that's probably what's really bothering you....being compared to someone you have no respect for. The more you're compared, the greater your dislike for her. After all...you're better than her. She knows you think so, or she likely wouldn't continue to defend herself.
Depends on the Mommy I would say. My son would have no more wanted to live with my SAHM relative than the man on the moon. When he was old enough to have input on who might be his guardian in the event of something bad happening ~ he chose my kind, wise, and full-time working friend. We did not base our choices on their working status but rather their parenting skills. Big difference.

So ~ please.

Now that my son is 16 - he does NOT want me around all the time - which is quite normal I would say. When he wants me - he wants me and I am there. But 24/7 'mommying'? Just not needed at this stage of the game.

 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,671,359 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
Depends on the Mommy I would say. My son would have no more wanted to live with my SAHM relative than the man on the moon. When he was old enough to have input on who might be his guardian in the event of something bad happening ~ he chose my kind, wise, and full-time working friend. We did not base our choices on their working status but rather their parenting skills. Big difference.

So ~ please.

Now that my son is 16 - he does NOT want me around all the time - which is quite normal I would say. When he wants me - he wants me and I am there. But 24/7 'mommying'? Just not needed at this stage of the game.
Oh trust me, I get this! If given a choice between staying home alone or staying with certain non-working relatives, you can be sure my kids would have chosen to be alone.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,722,259 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
A wise mother would do well to listen to what her children are saying to her. Out of the mouths of babes, so it's said. You said you pretty much always worked. You claim to have made your children's lives better in doing so. That is your perception. Don't think for one minute that your daughter/daughters haven't spoken to her about your absence. The heart wants what the heart can't have.....especially true when speaking of young people.

You can be sure that your own children have been envious of your DIL's children. They have a mommy....who is all theirs. Deep down in your heart, that's probably what's really bothering you....being compared to someone you have no respect for. The more you're compared, the greater your dislike for her. After all...you're better than her. She knows you think so, or she likely wouldn't continue to defend herself.
Good grief....Not even close. Both of my kids have expressed nothing but pride for the fact I was an engineer when they were little. They have asked me to go back into engineering since becomming a teacher. They don't like our lives with me as a teacher, which is understandable because the schedule sucks for a family life. I will listen to my kids who say they are proud of me for having a career. Not sure if I'll change back at thier request though as they will be off to school in 2 and 4 years.

What I don't like is arrogant SAHM's who break their arms patting themselves on thier backs. It's just stupid and annoying.

And my kids have and always have had a mommy who is all thiers. I didn't cease to be their mother when I went to work. Where do you get this stuff?

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-21-2012 at 02:28 PM..
 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,722,259 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
Depends on the Mommy I would say. My son would have no more wanted to live with my SAHM relative than the man on the moon. When he was old enough to have input on who might be his guardian in the event of something bad happening ~ he chose my kind, wise, and full-time working friend. We did not base our choices on their working status but rather their parenting skills. Big difference.

So ~ please.

Now that my son is 16 - he does NOT want me around all the time - which is quite normal I would say. When he wants me - he wants me and I am there. But 24/7 'mommying'? Just not needed at this stage of the game.
It is parenting ability that matters not working status. That's why our kids don't turn out differently based on working status. It's irrelevent.

I chose my PTWM sister as guardian for my kids in event of our deaths because she is the most patient mother I know and I know she could help my kids get past my death. I didn't even think of her working status at the time other than to up my life insurance so that she could quit working if she wanted to. Adding my kids to the mix might make it hard for her to work. I'm sure inheritng two kids after their parents died would be a hand full.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:30 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,351,992 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I didn't even think of her working status at the time other than to up my life insurance so that she could quit working if she wanted to. Adding my kids to the mix might make it hard for her to work. I'm sure inheritng two kids after their parents died would be a hand full.
Wait. Your DIL has 5 kids, right?

How come you don't like your DIL staying home but you've made provisions so your sister could (stay home) if she gets your kids? What's special that your sister should be allowed to stay home but not your DIL?
 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,722,259 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
Well, you will have to put me in the camp of I don't get why people have children and then dump them in day care 6 weeks later....I just don't understand it. If it works for you, great, but I will never understand it. Children are not convenient. They are not accessories. Any child will tell you that they want YOU, not your money if it came down to a choice.
Just wanted to comment on the part of your post in bold. This is not all or nothing. It's not me or money. It's me with money or me without money. Most kids who have any clue how money impacts their lives would pick the former. The reason my kids want me to go back into engineering is I made twice as much as do as a teacher. My kids are old enough to understand that money determines things like which colleges they have the option of attending.

Why the all or nothing take on this? We're only talking about 40 hours a week here. Not all 168. I'm didn't give up all of my time with my kids. I traded some time with my kids for a better lifestyle with my kids and a more secure future for myself and my kids. This is not all or nothing by any means. Yes, if I asked my kids if they wanted me OR money, they'd choose me but the choice is me AND money not me OR money.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,722,259 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Wait. Your DIL has 5 kids, right?

How come you don't like your DIL staying home but you've made provisions so your sister could (stay home) if she gets your kids? What's special that your sister should be allowed to stay home but not your DIL?
I didn't say I don't like my dil SAH. I don't like the way she talks about the WM's in the family, the things she says to my kids, and the way she breaks her arm patting herself on the back because she SAH. I don't give a rats arse whether she works or not. That's her choice. The only SAHM's I take issue with are ones who make their families sacrifice so they can SAH or who take public assistance. If you can afford not to work and don't want to work, then don't work. As long as I'm not helping pay the bill and you're not making your kids do without, I really don't care what you do. I've said before that there is no, financial, need for her to work. That being the case, she should do what she wants to do.

If my sister took on my kids in addition to hers, taking care of everything might be difficult so, yes, I want her to have a choice. This isn't about SAH/WOH. It's about the variety of SAHM, like ddil, who break their arms patting themselves on the back for SAH. I just want ddil to get over herself and to quit ruining family get togethers with her self edifying blather. I don't care if she works or not. That's her choice.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-21-2012 at 02:50 PM..
 
Old 01-21-2012, 03:18 PM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,756,384 times
Reputation: 31051
Some of you would be much happier if you'd spend more time just living your lives and worrying about your own families, and less time judging other people and their work situations.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 03:33 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,410,927 times
Reputation: 10476
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Just wanted to comment on the part of your post in bold. This is not all or nothing. It's not me or money. It's me with money or me without money. Most kids who have any clue how money impacts their lives would pick the former. The reason my kids want me to go back into engineering is I made twice as much as do as a teacher. My kids are old enough to understand that money determines things like which colleges they have the option of attending.

Why the all or nothing take on this? We're only talking about 40 hours a week here. Not all 168. I'm didn't give up all of my time with my kids. I traded some time with my kids for a better lifestyle with my kids and a more secure future for myself and my kids. This is not all or nothing by any means. Yes, if I asked my kids if they wanted me OR money, they'd choose me but the choice is me AND money not me OR money.
40 hours of WORK time, add an hour each day (or more depending on where you live) to get to and from daycare/work. So you start work at say 8:00 AM, you are up and out of the house by 7:00, drive to daycare, drop child off, go to work. You get off work at 5:00, drive to daycare, pick child up, drive home, get home around 6:00. Then make dinner, clean up after and it's 7:30. You now have what, an hour, hour and a half to spend with your child, providing you aren't grading papers and doing other work, before bed. Justify it all you want but given the choice, your children would prefer to spend more time with you. Sure, at 15, material possessions are important but if she really thought about it she would rather have you home MORE than not. I'm sorry, I will never understand this lifestyle, ever.
 
Old 01-21-2012, 03:39 PM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,756,384 times
Reputation: 31051
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
40 hours of WORK time, add an hour each day (or more depending on where you live) to get to and from daycare/work. So you start work at say 8:00 AM, you are up and out of the house by 7:00, drive to daycare, drop child off, go to work. You get off work at 5:00, drive to daycare, pick child up, drive home, get home around 6:00. Then make dinner, clean up after and it's 7:30. You now have what, an hour, hour and a half to spend with your child, providing you aren't grading papers and doing other work, before bed. Justify it all you want but given the choice, your children would prefer to spend more time with you. Sure, at 15, material possessions are important but if she really thought about it she would rather have you home MORE than not. I'm sorry, I will never understand this lifestyle, ever.
You don't have to. You aren't living it.
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