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Old 01-18-2012, 12:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alltheusernamesaretaken View Post
Right, I understand that.
But that's where priorities come in, if you are not working out of financial necessity.

If you're a new mother and can afford to stay with your INFANT, at the very least, why hand them to someone else?
That's really off to me, although I know that's my opinion and doesn't need to be yours or anyone else's.
Well, some people look at the bigger picture. They "hand over" their infants because taking even a year off of work could mean less income potential for the rest of their lives. They know that using up ALL of their leave time right now means they can't take a day off with their child at a later time. They know that quitting their job means they may not be able to find another one a year or 2 or 3 or 5 from now. One might say it is very shortsighted to up and quit a perfectly good job when there might be other options such as an extended maternity leave, or flex time, or some other option.

 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alltheusernamesaretaken View Post
It doesn't seem that you read my next-to-last paragraph.
It's still there, though, so go on.


Sometimes having parents who work excessively and have little contact with the child is one of those issues.

Regardless, as this is not a debate, I am entitled to my opinion as you are. Carry on.
Ya, I read it. It seems that you can stomach a mom working if and only if they meet a set of criteria that you deem acceptable. As Zimbochick said, it really is none of your business, and you really don't know another family's situation, even if you think you do.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:11 PM
 
1,759 posts, read 1,700,279 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Well, some people look at the bigger picture. They "hand over" their infants because taking even a year off of work could mean less income potential for the rest of their lives.
Understood.
My version of "the bigger picture" is child/family centered and not work-centered, that's all.
And you could say that the above IS child/family centered because of the financial stability thing. That's fine.
Again, we are just looking at this differently.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:13 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alltheusernamesaretaken View Post
Why so defensive?
I'm not particularly defensive, but I do bristle on behalf of all mothers at the small-minded assumptions that are still batted around. I have no qualms about my own choices--I have the best of both worlds, as a work-from-home mom.

You didn't really expect to wade into a couple of pages of posts about how mothers just want respect for their choices, make a statement like, "Why even have a kid? You don't really need the money, right?" and then expect no response, did you? That's like farting on an elevator and then asking with wide eyes, "Why is everyone staring at me?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alltheusernamesaretaken View Post
There are moms who work at home, raising the kids and keeping the house under control, etc.
and moms who work outside the home, the part usually described as the "working" part.
All moms, working or not, are moms. "Raising the kids and keeping the house under control" is part of being a mom, no matter if you make a paycheck or not, and no matter where you do it. There's no reason to usurp "working mom" by claiming that being a mother is work in itself. That's true, but that would mean that moms who work for a living are working^2 or something. I can understand hurt feelings if stay-at-home mothers feel like someone is implying that staying at home is not work. These are probably the same moms who make statements like, "My job is the most important job in the world."

You don't have to tear down other people's choices to make your own sound better.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:14 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alltheusernamesaretaken View Post
Understood.
My version of "the bigger picture" is child/family centered and not work-centered, that's all.
And you could say that the above IS child/family centered because of the financial stability thing. That's fine.
Again, we are just looking at this differently.
Agreed. And, for the record, I've worked full time, worked 1/2 time, have been home for almost 5 years, and am now looking for a job. I've tried it all, and there is no perfect situation. There are sacrifices with all of it. I think we'd all agree on that!
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I wholeheartedly agree. That is a different statement from, "My job as a parent is the most important job in the world," however. Or "Being a mom is the hardest job in the world." To me, that's just grandiose.
Do you have children? Being a Mom is the hardest thing I have done. That's not to mean that it is physically taxing (although when I was lugging twins around in car seats...) but it's the mental stress of being responsible for other people. It's the worrying that happens at night, before you go to sleep about did you make the right decision about whatever. It's the little things that make you second guess everything--should I call the doctor or not, is this the right school or not, etc. Even with a doctor, when it is all said and done, you go home at the end of the day. Sure, there are good days and bad days and you need to be on your toes, but at the end of the day, you go home, kiss your spouse, play with your kids, life moves on. You don't ever stop being a Mom (or a Dad).

I certainly don't walk around saying "Being a mom is the most important job ever" but I certainly treat my responsibilities of being a mom that way. We are trying our best to raise kids that are good people, responsible citizens, productive members of society. When you think about that, taking an infant and raising that child, it's a pretty amazing task and pretty easy to mess up.

I remember back in the day listening to Steve Martin's ALBUM, yes, record album and he talks about how easy it would be for a parent to mess up a child and how he said "let's talk wrong to our child" and goes on to give an example of their child going to school and asking "can I Momma dog patch in the garden" when he was asking if he can go to the bathroom. Now, obviously this was meant to be funny, but the reality is, parents COULD do something like this to a child....or worse.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:15 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,259,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Well, there needs to be some distinction. What would you suggest?

Do you understand that there are different circumstances for each family? Do you understand that some women actually enjoy their jobs, and take pride in the work they do? Do you understand that it isn't only the income lost during the, say 5-10 years that that mom stayed home, but a loss of income that lasts for the rest of their lives, affecting their income potential when they decide to go back, their retirement age, and retirement savings?
Educational choices
Extracurricular activity opportunity/opportunity for the child to pursue THEIR dreams.

All of these things we gave up when I was home. I would not trade having been home with the kids. But I can tell you that one thing I don't miss is the stress of never having money. THAT takes a toll on the kids, whether you try to control it or not.


Quote:
Maybe in YOUR situation it didn't make sense to keep working, but please don't judge others. you say you understand different circumstances, but you made a very narrow judgmental statement, especially re not having kids if you can't stay home .
Yah these disparaging comments make you wonder.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
There are sacrifices with all of it. I think we'd all agree on that!
Of course!
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:17 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,259,307 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I'm not particularly defensive, but I do bristle on behalf of all mothers at the small-minded assumptions that are still batted around. I have no qualms about my own choices--I have the best of both worlds, as a work-from-home mom.

You didn't really expect to wade into a couple of pages of posts about how mothers just want respect for their choices, make a statement like, "Why even have a kid? You don't really need the money, right?" and then expect no response, did you? That's like farting on an elevator and then asking with wide eyes, "Why is everyone staring at me?"
New keyboard please!
 
Old 01-18-2012, 12:19 PM
 
Location: here
24,479 posts, read 28,815,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Educational choices
Extracurricular activity opportunity/opportunity for the child to pursue THEIR dreams.

All of these things we gave up when I was home. I would not trade having been home with the kids. But I can tell you that one thing I don't miss is the stress of never having money. THAT takes a toll on the kids, whether you try to control it or not.




Yah these disparaging comments make you wonder.
Yes, if I work we'll have more money for extraciriculars but no time to do them!

The 4+ years I've been home have been priceless. I wouldn't change it, but it is at the forefront of my mind right now just how much I've given up since I am now searching in vain for a job and am ready to take a major pay cut from what I was making before. It is also scary to think about starting over with no vacation time saved up and no seniority, where I had quite a bit of both before.
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