Parenting choices and respect (babysitting, single parent, daughters, father)

[Alltheusernamesaretaken]

Originally Posted by rkb0305

you are contradicting yourself.

I see what you're saying; check my reply to Zimbo.

Sorry, y'all -- Libra territory!

[NJGOAT]

This is a horribly cyclic argument that really has no end. I think some people touched on it earlier about the changing role of women and the impact it has had. We went from a society that viewed the role of women being "home makers" to a massive movement to liberate women and give them a choice. Then society began to value the "career woman". Now there seems to be a bit of a shift back to women re-embracing some of the more traditional roles, or at least striking a better balance. I'm not stating that any of the above is/was a universal truth, just how society has tended to view the role of women.

So, now we have a society that values the SAHM (I honsetly don't think SAHDad's have that same recognition) just as much as it values moms who work. Both are seen as acceptable choices, societally. Now comes the difficult part, since both are seen as having value and being acceptable, which is the right one?

The SAHM's primary "job" is to take care of the kids. Also, they tend to cook, clean, manage the house, run errands, etc.

The working mom generally does all of the above and they also have a job outside the home.

Now, both are viewed as valid choices by society, but not everyone has a choice in which role they choose. If anything, I think it is the working moms who most often are the ones that don't really have a choice as to which direction they wanted to take. I honestly haven't met any SAHM's who would rather be working, but really didn't have a choice. I'm sure they exist through extenuating circumstances, but it certainly isn't as common as the working mom who had no choice but to work.

So, we end up with a cadre of working moms who would rather be doing something else...the cycle of snark begins.

The working moms say, "Well I do everything the SAHM's do AND I hold down a fulltime job. What do they possibly do all day, lay on the COUCH?"

The SAHM's respond that their job is "The most important job in the world and that they WANT to be their for their kids and couldn't dream of sending their kids off to be raised by STRANGERS. Besides kids who have a SAHM, turn out BETTER."

Well, the "better" part is entirely non-quantifiable, but it sure does rustle some feathers. So, that attitude now makes all the working moms (even the ones who choose that role freely) question what the heck is it all those SAHM's do all day. That makes the SAHM's reinforce that they are doing "better" by their kids and the cycle continues.

So, we end up with working moms trying to validate their choice and SAHM's trying to get recognition for the role they play.

What is unfortunate is that the debate exists at all. People ultimately make the choice that is best for them and their family. Some women don't want to be in the working world and would rather be home with their kids. Some women don't want to be home all day with the kids and would rather work. Both are valid choices and one ISN'T better than the other. Still other women had no choice at all and do the best they can with the situation.

[FinsterRufus]

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

This is a horribly cyclic argument that really has no end. I think some people touched on it earlier about the changing role of women and the impact it has had. We went from a society that viewed the role of women being "home makers" to a massive movement to liberate women and give them a choice. Then society began to value the "career woman". Now there seems to be a bit of a shift back to women re-embracing some of the more traditional roles, or at least striking a better balance. I'm not stating that any of the above is/was a universal truth, just how society has tended to view the role of women.

So, now we have a society that values the SAHM (I honsetly don't think SAHDad's have that same recognition) just as much as it values moms who work. Both are seen as acceptable choices, societally. Now comes the difficult part, since both are seen as having value and being acceptable, which is the right one?

The SAHM's primary "job" is to take care of the kids. Also, they tend to cook, clean, manage the house, run errands, etc.

The working mom generally does all of the above and they also have a job outside the home.

Now, both are viewed as valid choices by society, but not everyone has a choice in which role they choose. If anything, I think it is the working moms who most often are the ones that don't really have a choice as to which direction they wanted to take. I honestly haven't met any SAHM's who would rather be working, but really didn't have a choice. I'm sure they exist through extenuating circumstances, but it certainly isn't as common as the working mom who had no choice but to work.

So, we end up with a cadre of working moms who would rather be doing something else...the cycle of snark begins.

The working moms say, "Well I do everything the SAHM's do AND I hold down a fulltime job. What do they possibly do all day, lay on the COUCH?"

The SAHM's respond that their job is "The most important job in the world and that they WANT to be their for their kids and couldn't dream of sending their kids off to be raised by STRANGERS. Besides kids who have a SAHM, turn out BETTER."

Well, the "better" part is entirely non-quantifiable, but it sure does rustle some feathers. So, that attitude now makes all the working moms (even the ones who choose that role freely) question what the heck is it all those SAHM's do all day. That makes the SAHM's reinforce that they are doing "better" by their kids and the cycle continues.

So, we end up with working moms trying to validate their choice and SAHM's trying to get recognition for the role they play.

What is unfortunate is that the debate exists at all. People ultimately make the choice that is best for them and their family. Some women don't want to be in the working world and would rather be home with their kids. Some women don't want to be home all day with the kids and would rather work. Both are valid choices and one ISN'T better than the other. Still other women had no choice at all and do the best they can with the situation.

Yes. Precisely. But what is doubly unfortunate is we then get threads like the OP's, which ask why one segment wants recognition above all others.

Which is just a tool to start the argument all over again, because how can that premise be anything but confrontational?

And if you try and state that they don't, necessarily, want that - you're accused of being defensive. And round and round it goes.

It's just a medium to poke poke poke at others, until you get the desired reaction. And then you can say (gloat), "See! I told you you weren't secure in your choices."

[Kibbiekat]

NJGoat, I'd rep you but I must spread it around!

[JustJulia]

Uncle Goat, quit rubbing it in that you're the most informative poster with all the answers.

(just kidding)

[NJGOAT]

Originally Posted by FinsterRufus

Yes. Precisely. But what is doubly unfortunate is we then get threads like the OP's, which ask why one segment wants recognition above all others.

Which is just a tool to start the argument all over again, because how can that premise be anything but confrontational?

And if you try and state that they don't, necessarily, want that - you're accused of being defensive. And round and round it goes.

It's just a medium to poke poke poke at others, until you get the desired reaction. And then you can say (gloat), "See! I told you you weren't secure in your choices."

Well, the way to end it is thus...

SAHM's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

Working mom's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

For all the mom's who didn't have a choice in the role they took, be happy and secure in the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your family and that is all anyone can ever require of you.

[eastwesteastagain]

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

Well, the way to end it is thus...

SAHM's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

Working mom's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

For all the mom's who didn't have a choice in the role they took, be happy and secure in the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your family and that is all anyone can ever require of you.

Aaaaannnd, close the thread.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

Well, the way to end it is thus...

SAHM's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

Working mom's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

For all the mom's who didn't have a choice in the role they took, be happy and secure in the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your family and that is all anyone can ever require of you.

[FinsterRufus]

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

Well, the way to end it is thus...

SAHM's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

Working mom's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

For all the mom's who didn't have a choice in the role they took, be happy and secure in the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your family and that is all anyone can ever require of you.

Yep.

(Pokers gonna poke, though, regardless.)

[Alltheusernamesaretaken]

Originally Posted by NJGOAT

Well, the way to end it is thus...

SAHM's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

Working mom's, be happy and secure in the choice you made, but most of all be happy you had a choice.

For all the mom's who didn't have a choice in the role they took, be happy and secure in the knowledge that you are doing the best you can for your family and that is all anyone can ever require of you.

This sounds like the last page of a Dr. Seuss book.
Your Mom, My Mom -- They're Still Moms!