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Old 01-18-2012, 02:08 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 2,900,944 times
Reputation: 1948

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To the OP, have you never heard of Secretary's day? Have you failed to hear, and rightfully so the talk in various media besides between we individuals of the hard work it is to be a parent and work fulltime, etc?

I have not yet heard of "a movement" of SAHM's which is requesting official accolades for simply doing what they/we do/did. (I was one, and a homeschooling mom, also.)

I suspect that SAHMs tired of hearing everyone else applauded and then personally being called "housewives" and other generic labels that made them feel that they were the only group that was discounted completely.

I don't know because, though I was one for many years I never needed anyone else to acknowledge me. My family, even extended family did a fine job of it and now that our daughters are grown, their successes all point back to me, and I of course "give it to God."

 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:11 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,102,554 times
Reputation: 42377
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnysee View Post
To the OP, have you never heard of Secretary's day? Have you failed to hear, and rightfully so the talk in various media besides between we individuals of the hard work it is to be a parent and work fulltime, etc?

I have not yet heard of "a movement" of SAHM's which is requesting official accolades for simply doing what they/we do/did. (I was one, and a homeschooling mom, also.)

I suspect that SAHMs tired of hearing everyone else applauded and then personally being called "housewives" and other generic labels that made them feel that they were the only group that was discounted completely.

I don't know because, though I was one for many years I never needed anyone else to acknowledge me. My family, even extended family did a fine job of it and now that our daughters are grown, their successes all point back to me, and I of course "give it to God."
Mother's Day was founded years ago. It preceded Father's Day for quite a while, if I remember correctly.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:19 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,451,715 times
Reputation: 22278
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I completely agree... This will always be a "debate" whether meant to be or not. I am a SAHM, it is what works best for us, but I sacrifice alot to stay home. Mom's that work work for reasons that benefit what is best for their family.

I can say that I certainly don't expect anyone to pat me on the back and say job well done. I do expect people to respect me though and understand that I don't spend my days in front of the tv, or cleaning all day.
You are so right and that is the crux of the issue. Women who work are doing that because of decisions she and her husband made. (We are not talking about single parent moms here). Whatever those decisions were are their business. People do what is right for their particular situation.

I was lucky; I have the type of profession where I can work at home while still having my son with me. However, there were times when I certainly needed some babysitting help to make it through deadlines!

It seems some folks feel they are not taken seriously (whatever that means) if they are not earning a paycheck. Whether a women is working or staying at home, what she feels she can contribute to life is an individual matter. I personally think when I fix my family a wonderful meal, I have succeeded, lol. Yes, I also feel I succeeded when I receive a check through the mail from a client, but the feeling of accomplishment is no different (for me, anyway).

Now that I am older, I look back at "mommy wars" that I saw others engaging in . . . and find it all quite ridiculous. I was very lucky; I was surrounded with other women who worked together to help each other with schedules, sick children, school functions, etc. We didn't bicker over who was working and who wasn't and thus had "more time" to do "whatever." We just picked up the pieces for one another as we could. That is what working together as a community is supposed to be.

Women who are critical of one another b/c one works outside the home and one doesn't are missing out on the big picture. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. We all have to do what works in our own families.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,761,538 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.

Can anyone explain this?
I've never known anyone needing a pat. If anything, they only keep bitching about their lost dreams, independence and careers.

Is this some uppity country club discussion gone wrong?? This happens when you are hanging out too much and out of topics when you're done discussing Antonio Banderas, iPad, DH wars and yoga
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:23 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,451,715 times
Reputation: 22278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnysee View Post
To the OP, have you never heard of Secretary's day? Have you failed to hear, and rightfully so the talk in various media besides between we individuals of the hard work it is to be a parent and work fulltime, etc?

I have not yet heard of "a movement" of SAHM's which is requesting official accolades for simply doing what they/we do/did. (I was one, and a homeschooling mom, also.)

I suspect that SAHMs tired of hearing everyone else applauded and then personally being called "housewives" and other generic labels that made them feel that they were the only group that was discounted completely.

I don't know because, though I was one for many years I never needed anyone else to acknowledge me. My family, even extended family did a fine job of it and now that our daughters are grown, their successes all point back to me, and I of course "give it to God."
If you don't feel like you were disrespected for being a SAHM, why do you feel others might need some sort of national recognition for something they chose to do? Just curious, cause it sounds like you have never had a problem with your life decisions. I think most SAHMs feel very fortunate they could work it out financially to be at home w/ their families - and oversee their homes.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:26 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,234,932 times
Reputation: 2387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
I've never known anyone needing a pat. If anything, they only keep bitching about their lost dreams, independence and careers.

Is this some uppity country club discussion gone wrong?? This happens when you are hanging out too much and out of topics when you're done discussing Antonio Banderas, iPad, DH wars and yoga
Oh, AC, you've got some work ahead of you if you're planning to be husband of the year!!
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:27 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,451,715 times
Reputation: 22278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
I've never known anyone needing a pat. If anything, they only keep bitching about their lost dreams, independence and careers.

Is this some uppity country club discussion gone wrong?? This happens when you are hanging out too much and out of topics when you're done discussing Antonio Banderas, iPad, DH wars and yoga
I have never known but one woman who bitched about lost dreams, career, etc. And it was obvious she was just kidding herself; no way she would have been successful at anything - she didn't run her house well, her kids were brats and overall, she was just an uptight, hateful woman, lol.

The women I have known over my lifetime, including the young women I know now who are SAHMs feel very fortunate they were able to make that life decision. Those who felt they needed more creativity in their lives have incorporated various online businesses or teach seminars to keep themselves in touch w/ their profession.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,761,538 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
Oh, AC, you've got some work ahead of you if you're planning to be husband of the year!!
I protest. It has to be DH

But I always wondered why this accusation comes only from working moms. They always try to shove an air of superiority just coz they have a title, a parking pass and 100 outlook emails in the am.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 03:27 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,990,154 times
Reputation: 1481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.

Can anyone explain this?

I think they're just trying to convince the world that they deserve respect for what they do. When I was a SAHM I felt really marginalized. I couldn't have done it for more than a few years.
 
Old 01-18-2012, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,830,673 times
Reputation: 14681
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
I think they're just trying to convince the world that they deserve respect for what they do. When I was a SAHM I felt really marginalized. I couldn't have done it for more than a few years.
Marginalized how?
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