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Old 01-18-2012, 05:26 PM
 
Location: California
29,633 posts, read 31,957,040 times
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What kind of recognition? I know I ran into individuals over the years who didn't have much good to say about SAHM's and I let then know how stupid they were. But how can society validate me? Or anyone really?

 
Old 01-19-2012, 04:38 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,736,370 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
What kind of recognition? I know I ran into individuals over the years who didn't have much good to say about SAHM's and I let then know how stupid they were. But how can society validate me? Or anyone really?
Wow. I expected to come back to one or two posts....not 8 pages.

I agree with you that society cannot validate our personal choices. Either we are happy with them or we are not. I asked the question because I see, over and over, SAHM's who want society to recognize them and I don't get it. Dads and working moms don't ask for recognition for what they do as parents. The only people I'm worried about acknowledging what I do at home are my family. Theirs is the only opinion that matters as home is where our private lives happen.

When I was home with my step son, I never thought that anyone owed me recognition for that. I just wanted dh to appreciate the clean house he came home to and the meals I cooked and the kids to appreciate the more laid back lifestyle we had because I was home. But I keep running into SAHM's who want the world to pat them on the back as if SAH is some special kind of parenting...I don't get it. To quote dh "WM's do what SAHM's do in 40 fewer hours per week". All of us spend the majority of our time home and home is the center of our lives. Why does spending 40 more hours at home change anything? All it did for me, when I was home, was make it easier to get the chores done and I had more leisure time. I don't get why anyone would think that a decision to make life easier on yourself and your family should be applauded by anyone other than your family.

And, to put things in context, my dil is one of these SAHM's who thinks she deserves a pat on the back for SAH. I think she's lucky they can afford for her to be home and not sure why she'd think that anyone should pat her on the back for being lucky enough not to need to work. It would be nice not to work. It was nice not to work when I've had the opportunity not to work. I always thought that not having to work was it's own reward. I didn't do it for society so I never expected society to recognize me for staying home. I did it because circumstances demanded I do it and, later, worked part time because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Other than that, I have been unemployed and, while the stress of job hunting isn't nice, not having to work for a long stretch was. It was nice to have time to keep the house clean, to finish projects, to shop bargains, to get rested, to read a book.... I felt lucky (we still had dh's income to fall back on, and we had savings, so we could weather a long stretch of unemployment for one of us. I realizes others who are unemployed might not feel lucky to have the time off. This is just how it worked for me.)
 
Old 01-19-2012, 07:13 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,950,604 times
Reputation: 2585
It could just be that people in the U.S. are now indoctrinated to value just how SOCIETY values them. That contributing in the general sense isn't enough; they feel the pressure (no matter how unspoken) to do "more" with their time. It isn't necessarily just feminazis who create this pressure, but a simple desire to join the majority of people (men and women combined) who are "doing something with their lives". Rest assured, I do not perpetuate this view; I'm only suggesting that some part of our subconscious DOES.

This may become a sense of lacking, which gives recognition a purpose.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 07:51 AM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,732,898 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Wow. I expected to come back to one or two posts....not 8 pages.

I agree with you that society cannot validate our personal choices. Either we are happy with them or we are not. I asked the question because I see, over and over, SAHM's who want society to recognize them and I don't get it. Dads and working moms don't ask for recognition for what they do as parents. The only people I'm worried about acknowledging what I do at home are my family. Theirs is the only opinion that matters as home is where our private lives happen.

When I was home with my step son, I never thought that anyone owed me recognition for that. I just wanted dh to appreciate the clean house he came home to and the meals I cooked and the kids to appreciate the more laid back lifestyle we had because I was home. But I keep running into SAHM's who want the world to pat them on the back as if SAH is some special kind of parenting...I don't get it. To quote dh "WM's do what SAHM's do in 40 fewer hours per week". All of us spend the majority of our time home and home is the center of our lives. Why does spending 40 more hours at home change anything? All it did for me, when I was home, was make it easier to get the chores done and I had more leisure time. I don't get why anyone would think that a decision to make life easier on yourself and your family should be applauded by anyone other than your family.

And, to put things in context, my dil is one of these SAHM's who thinks she deserves a pat on the back for SAH. I think she's lucky they can afford for her to be home and not sure why she'd think that anyone should pat her on the back for being lucky enough not to need to work. It would be nice not to work. It was nice not to work when I've had the opportunity not to work. I always thought that not having to work was it's own reward. I didn't do it for society so I never expected society to recognize me for staying home. I did it because circumstances demanded I do it and, later, worked part time because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Other than that, I have been unemployed and, while the stress of job hunting isn't nice, not having to work for a long stretch was. It was nice to have time to keep the house clean, to finish projects, to shop bargains, to get rested, to read a book.... I felt lucky (we still had dh's income to fall back on, and we had savings, so we could weather a long stretch of unemployment for one of us. I realizes others who are unemployed might not feel lucky to have the time off. This is just how it worked for me.)
And there you have it.

Why do you feel the need to begrudge somebody else because they might not feel that way?

You're a teacher, I've seen you complain about not being respected as a teacher - following that logic, getting that teacher paycheck should be enough and is it's own reward, surely. Why should society value you above others? You're just doing your job. Why should you get paid and respected?

If you can complain, why can't others? Because they made the choice to stay at home? You complain too. Why don't you make the choice to do something else, and stop asking society to recognize your choice, which should be it's own reward, according to you.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,676,318 times
Reputation: 19413
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.

Can anyone explain this?
Please see the underlined. YOU keep running into this stuff in the media. Perhaps this is something that stands out to you,because YOU are feeling as if you are making the greater sacrifice and contribution by working. When YOU read this, it causes YOU to get on the defensive. Why is that?

I believe that most people want to be seen as someone who is making a difference..that their life is worth something. Why is it that you feel the need to constantly bring this up!? A woman who works outside the home, should not be thought of as someone who is abandoning her family. Are there some cases where this is true? Yes! Yes there are. Stay at home moms should not be thought of as people who stay home and do nothing all day. Are there some cases where THIS is true? Yes, there are cases such as this.

Sadly, as some have pointed out, people find themselves in situations where they feel the need to defend themselves for their choices. Being one of those people who HAS been on both sides of the fence, I understand the feelings of both. When I'm a SAHM, I resent the h*ll out of people who make statements like, "It must be nice to not have to WORK." When I was a working mom with young kids, I resented the h*ll out of people who said, "Doesn't it bother you to pay someone else to raise your kids?"

What I find ridiculous, is people who feel that "contributions" only count if there is a paycheck involved. The more money you make, the higher your contribution. If people weren't putting down SAHMs, they wouldn't be defending themselves.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,803,744 times
Reputation: 14677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Wow. I expected to come back to one or two posts....not 8 pages.

I agree with you that society cannot validate our personal choices. Either we are happy with them or we are not. I asked the question because I see, over and over, SAHM's who want society to recognize them and I don't get it. Dads and working moms don't ask for recognition for what they do as parents. The only people I'm worried about acknowledging what I do at home are my family. Theirs is the only opinion that matters as home is where our private lives happen.

When I was home with my step son, I never thought that anyone owed me recognition for that. I just wanted dh to appreciate the clean house he came home to and the meals I cooked and the kids to appreciate the more laid back lifestyle we had because I was home. But I keep running into SAHM's who want the world to pat them on the back as if SAH is some special kind of parenting...I don't get it. To quote dh "WM's do what SAHM's do in 40 fewer hours per week". All of us spend the majority of our time home and home is the center of our lives. Why does spending 40 more hours at home change anything? All it did for me, when I was home, was make it easier to get the chores done and I had more leisure time. I don't get why anyone would think that a decision to make life easier on yourself and your family should be applauded by anyone other than your family.

And, to put things in context, my dil is one of these SAHM's who thinks she deserves a pat on the back for SAH. I think she's lucky they can afford for her to be home and not sure why she'd think that anyone should pat her on the back for being lucky enough not to need to work. It would be nice not to work. It was nice not to work when I've had the opportunity not to work. I always thought that not having to work was it's own reward. I didn't do it for society so I never expected society to recognize me for staying home. I did it because circumstances demanded I do it and, later, worked part time because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Other than that, I have been unemployed and, while the stress of job hunting isn't nice, not having to work for a long stretch was. It was nice to have time to keep the house clean, to finish projects, to shop bargains, to get rested, to read a book.... I felt lucky (we still had dh's income to fall back on, and we had savings, so we could weather a long stretch of unemployment for one of us. I realizes others who are unemployed might not feel lucky to have the time off. This is just how it worked for me.)
The highlighted portions above just demonstrates how little knowledge you have about what most SAHM's do. You are fixated on the myth that SAHM's are maids and bon-bon eaters. This is fundamentally why you have such disdain for people who choose this path. Selecting one person you know as an example of what all SAHM's do is disingenious, and you know that.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,857 posts, read 4,701,004 times
Reputation: 3751
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
The highlighted portions above just demonstrates how little knowledge you have about what most SAHM's do. You are fixated on the myth that SAHM's are maids and bon-bon eaters. This is fundamentally why you have such disdain for people who choose this path. Selecting one person you know as an example of what all SAHM's do is disingenious, and you know that.
Couldn't agree more, Zimbochick. After reading your last post, OP, it demonstrates yet again your inability to compare apples to apples in the most basic terms concerning working moms and at-home moms, your own bias, and that your original intent in this thread was to grandstand your own point of view not to potentially consider others as you suggested.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,902,322 times
Reputation: 1896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
The highlighted portions above just demonstrates how little knowledge you have about what most SAHM's do. You are fixated on the myth that SAHM's are maids and bon-bon eaters. This is fundamentally why you have such disdain for people who choose this path. Selecting one person you know as an example of what all SAHM's do is disingenious, and you know that.
I have to somewhat agree here...
I don't sit around reading and don't go shopping.
I am active in my chidren's school and in our Community and very rarely have the time to do extra things " for me".
I know people do lunch and get their nails done,etc... But I don't do that and that is the part of being a SAHM because I feel that I have to justify what I do with my time...
I do go to the gym everyday ,so I guess that is my "me" time, but there are also working parents that make it to the gym everyday. I guess we all try to just prioritize what is best for our own lives....
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:20 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,243,994 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Please see the underlined. YOU keep running into this stuff in the media. Perhaps this is something that stands out to you,because YOU are feeling as if you are making the greater sacrifice and contribution by working. When YOU read this, it causes YOU to get on the defensive. Why is that?

Why the need for comparison at all? Why does one have to decide that their way/sacrifice or whatever is better/greater? Put someone down to bring your own sense of worth up?

I don't get it. So what if someone wants to be appreciated.
 
Old 01-19-2012, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,314 posts, read 4,822,097 times
Reputation: 2977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Wow. I expected to come back to one or two posts....not 8 pages.

I agree with you that society cannot validate our personal choices. Either we are happy with them or we are not. I asked the question because I see, over and over, SAHM's who want society to recognize them and I don't get it. Dads and working moms don't ask for recognition for what they do as parents. The only people I'm worried about acknowledging what I do at home are my family. Theirs is the only opinion that matters as home is where our private lives happen.

When I was home with my step son, I never thought that anyone owed me recognition for that. I just wanted dh to appreciate the clean house he came home to and the meals I cooked and the kids to appreciate the more laid back lifestyle we had because I was home. But I keep running into SAHM's who want the world to pat them on the back as if SAH is some special kind of parenting...I don't get it. To quote dh "WM's do what SAHM's do in 40 fewer hours per week". All of us spend the majority of our time home and home is the center of our lives. Why does spending 40 more hours at home change anything? All it did for me, when I was home, was make it easier to get the chores done and I had more leisure time. I don't get why anyone would think that a decision to make life easier on yourself and your family should be applauded by anyone other than your family.

And, to put things in context, my dil is one of these SAHM's who thinks she deserves a pat on the back for SAH. I think she's lucky they can afford for her to be home and not sure why she'd think that anyone should pat her on the back for being lucky enough not to need to work. It would be nice not to work. It was nice not to work when I've had the opportunity not to work. I always thought that not having to work was it's own reward. I didn't do it for society so I never expected society to recognize me for staying home. I did it because circumstances demanded I do it and, later, worked part time because I was lucky enough to be able to afford to. Other than that, I have been unemployed and, while the stress of job hunting isn't nice, not having to work for a long stretch was. It was nice to have time to keep the house clean, to finish projects, to shop bargains, to get rested, to read a book.... I felt lucky (we still had dh's income to fall back on, and we had savings, so we could weather a long stretch of unemployment for one of us. I realizes others who are unemployed might not feel lucky to have the time off. This is just how it worked for me.)
This definitely puts things in context. Just probably not the way you think it does.
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