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I understand. I just wanted to point out that people in general probably want recognition for their jobs, or at least not to be put down for them--stay-at-home parents included.
Yes! People in general do. Why this is a problem for some people, I've no idea.
Having done both -- working mom 50 hrs/wk in a very demanding career while employing a full-time nanny for the past 5 years -- and, now, an at-home mom whose family made a complete lifestyle change (moved to a different state) to allow for more financial flexibility allowing one parent to spend more time with the children, I can say I know both side of this coin intimately, whereas I suspect the OP does not.
I now understand the finer details of both jobs so much more clearly than just the stereotypical pros and cons of each 'kind of mom' that articles and talk shows like throw around. I also know very few moms who have really done BOTH to be able to honestly comment on the similarities, differences, positives and negatives of both jobs.
I assumed A LOT about at home moms and their respective lifestyles while I was a working mom.... all the stereotypes and more, and what I've learned is my negative assumptions were essentially wrong. Since you 'didn't intend for this to become a debate' etc, OP, I'll topline my response by supporting what FinsterRufus articulately points out:
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
I think the part you're missing is that they want (whoever wants it, not every SAHM) to be recognized for the work they do, over and above parenting the kids - just like some people who work outside the home want to be recognized (and frequently are) for the work they do outside the home, over and above parenting the kids.
This is the key point you are overlooking, OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
If you have a career outside the house, with colleagues and bosses and even incentives and rewards, there's an inbuilt sense that people are recognizing and respecting your contribution to your job.
This is so true, even in the simplest form, yet society and, apparently the OP, overlook it -- the most basic recognition tied to a job outside the home is YOU ARE RECOGNIZED FOR THE JOB YOU'VE DONE WITH A PAYCHECK. (This aside from verbal recognition, promotion, awards, etc.) This simply does not exist in the world of being an at home parent. So while I don't hear a lot of at home moms -- or dads -- complaining they don't get enough recognition, factually -- from the get-go -- at home moms are not nearly as recognized by society for their job as someone who works outside the home and gets a paycheck.
But you can't get to the level a dr needs to get, most of the time, without having a good foundation and without being parented well.
Like I said, in a general sense: yes, perhaps. But on an individual level, that means that the parents of the doctors who saved my child had a more important job than I do. My children might grow up to save a bunch of people, but then again they might end up as regular Joes and Janes. I can say pretty safely that my daughter, the one whom the doctors saved, will probably not grow up to save anybody or do much of anything with her life; she's disabled. But do you see the futility of stating "MY job as a parent is the most important job in the world"? It isn't. How one person chooses to raise a child is not more important than other people's jobs.
It's like when people say things like, "Moms are heroes," as if we are all heroic simply for giving birth.
Having done both -- working mom 50 hrs/wk in a very demanding career while employing a full-time nanny for the past 5 years -- and, now, an at-home mom whose family made a complete lifestyle change (moved to a different state) to allow for more financial flexibility allowing one parent to spend more time with the children, I can say I know both side of this coin intimately, whereas I suspect the OP does not.
I now understand the finer details of both jobs so much more clearly than just the stereotypical pros and cons of each 'kind of mom' that articles and talk shows like throw around. I also know very few moms who have really done BOTH to be able to honestly comment on the similarities, differences, positives and negatives of both jobs.
I assumed A LOT about at home moms and their respective lifestyles while I was a working mom.... all the stereotypes and more, and what I've learned is my negative assumptions were essentially wrong. Since you 'didn't intend for this to become a debate' etc, OP, I'll topline my response by supporting what FinsterRufus articulately points out:
This is the key point you are overlooking, OP.
This is so true, even in the simplest form, yet society and, apparently the OP, overlook it -- the most basic recognition tied to a job outside the home is YOU ARE RECOGNIZED FOR THE JOB YOU'VE DONE WITH A PAYCHECK. (This aside from verbal recognition, promotion, awards, etc.) This simply does not exist in the world of being an at home parent. So while I don't hear a lot of at home moms -- or dads -- complaining they don't get enough recognition, factually -- from the get-go -- at home moms are not nearly as recognized by society for their job as someone who works outside the home and gets a paycheck.
Yes, and not only do SAHM's not get recognized by a boss or coworkers, or anyone else, often the only feedback they get is from whiny kids complaining about every last detail of their day. Who could blame her for venting some frustration about that?
Having done both -- working mom 50 hrs/wk in a very demanding career while employing a full-time nanny for the past 5 years -- and, now, an at-home mom whose family made a complete lifestyle change (moved to a different state) to allow for more financial flexibility allowing one parent to spend more time with the children, I can say I know both side of this coin intimately, whereas I suspect the OP does not.
I now understand the finer details of both jobs so much more clearly than just the stereotypical pros and cons of each 'kind of mom' that articles and talk shows like throw around. I also know very few moms who have really done BOTH to be able to honestly comment on the similarities, differences, positives and negatives of both jobs.
I assumed A LOT about at home moms and their respective lifestyles while I was a working mom.... all the stereotypes and more, and what I've learned is my negative assumptions were essentially wrong. Since you 'didn't intend for this to become a debate' etc, OP, I'll topline my response by supporting what FinsterRufus articulately points out:
This is the key point you are overlooking, OP.
This is so true, even in the simplest form, yet society and, apparently the OP, overlook it -- the most basic recognition tied to a job outside the home is YOU ARE RECOGNIZED FOR THE JOB YOU'VE DONE WITH A PAYCHECK. (This aside from verbal recognition, promotion, awards, etc.) This simply does not exist in the world of being an at home parent. So while I don't hear a lot of at home moms -- or dads -- complaining they don't get enough recognition, factually -- from the get-go -- at home moms are not nearly as recognized by society for their job as someone who works outside the home and gets a paycheck.
Yep, you got it. I was going to mention the paycheck explicitly, but having been down this road before, I didn't - because the general comeback for that is "well, parenting your kids and having a good outcome should be it's own reward".
Which is all very well and good, but the fact that you get recognized in a very roundabout and esoteric way, rather than in a concrete sense (like getting a paycheck) is fundamental to this issue.
there are individual jobs that could have more impact on society as a whole. The doctors who literally saved my daughter's life at birth, and who probably went on to save other babies' lives, are more important than I am in the grand scheme of things. If one parent's job were more important than anyone else's (teachers, soldiers, doctors, politicians, police officers, fire fighters, etc.), then we would pay people to stay at home to raise their children, and we would pay people to adopt children.
It is not the job. It is what you DO with the job. The doc who failed to dx my son's condition is not doing all that for the world. If I do a good job raising my kids, I might raise the next nobel peace prize winner, then I have had an impact on society. Conversely if I do a really poor job raising my kids, I might raise the next serial killer.
If EVERYONE viewed parenting as the most important job THEY will ever do, then that would be a HUGE benefit to society.
Quote:
I fully recognize that I have a major impact on my children's lives and well-being, and that it is my duty to society raise good, productive citizens. However, I also fully recognize that my family is but five people out of over 300 million in this country alone, and I have no grandiose delusions about my impact on society as a whole--not at the granular level.
If EVERYONE viewed parenting as the most important job THEY will ever do, then that would be a HUGE benefit to society.
I wholeheartedly agree. That is a different statement from, "My job as a parent is the most important job in the world," however. Or "Being a mom is the hardest job in the world." To me, that's just grandiose.
I wholeheartedly agree. That is a different statement from, "My job as a parent is the most important job in the world," however. Or "Being a mom is the hardest job in the world." To me, that's just grandiose.
I totally agree. There is a bit of internet nonsense that comes up every now and then that says something like I have 50 careers; personal chef, chauffeur, house keeper... Gimme a break. You cook dinner for your family. Get over yourself.
I haven't heard anyone say that one position is better than the other, although I have a personal peeve with the term "working mom" as we all work. Some of us just leave the house to do so.
I chose to be a SAHM, which my husband and I both agreed on. We would not have had children if one of us would not be staying home with them. I personally do not understand, in most cases, having an infant whom you just turn over to a stranger or near-stranger for the whole day while you go off to work. I admit I have that "Why have the child at all?" opinion on that.
I do realize that there are single mothers who do not have this option.
I realize there are people in extenuating circumstances. So this is not a one-size-fits-all thing.
But so many people claim they "need" the extra income when it is surprising how much you can accomplish on one income if you reprioritize/downsize. Also, when you take into account the money you spend getting to your job, dressing for your job, etc and then also work in being home for your child, which you really can't put a price on.
Some of you are saying "Well WE had no choice! and it's GREAT that YOU did, but NOT EVERYONE DOES!!"
Yep, I know that. That's why I use words like "most," "some," and "extenuating circumstances."
Also I will say that I had some good sleep experiences with my kids and some horrible ones. Mostly horrible.
And I can't imagine having to get up and get ready for work after all that, let alone drive! And then having to function at a traditional job!!
That on top of doing the rest of the housework you need to do in order to keep your house respectable, after having been at work all day. (And having to eat.)
I think SAHM's are just asking for a bit of respect for what they do, just as Mom's who work outside the home are asking the same. I have heard other women say, there is no way I can be a SAHM, what do you do all day? We do plenty and enjoy what we do just as you who work outside the home enjoy what you do.
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