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Old 01-20-2012, 10:26 AM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermint View Post
Yes, in a different thread, we both discussed this. I don't know why my MIL has problems with men. She didn't have a bond with her dad. He worked a lot and died when my MIL was in her early 30s. I don't know. She's wack.
I sympathize.
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:27 AM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,378,608 times
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My boyfriends mom doesnt like me because im not his Ex. Whom she just adores. And because Im white. Oh well I dont like her either she didnt even raise him so as far as im concerned his grandma who raised him is his mom and she just adores me. ")
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Old 01-20-2012, 10:58 AM
 
12,932 posts, read 19,824,518 times
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There are some DILs that require walking on eggshells around. I have one. I learned very early not to make what I considered friendly overtures if they could in any way be construed as criticism, despite that not being my intent AT ALL. Example: Sent my DIL some favorite family recipes that my son loved. Whoa.

Could I criticize some of her actions? Of course I could. We recently went up to visit for the first time 7 months after the wedding, and there was no food offered the entire weekend. She thought we would take them out to eat every meal. We did our best not to over-impose by getting a hotel room.

But our son shares that responsibility. He grew up in a house with regular visits from friends and family with hospitality extended to all. She grew up in a home with little cooking done by her mother.

We have a cordial relationship, that will hopefully grow into a warm one, in time.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,313 posts, read 4,822,097 times
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Some of these stories are absolutely horrible. I have a son and I would never want to alienate him or his (future) family. There are some really unhappy people in this world.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
There are some DILs that require walking on eggshells around. I have one. I learned very early not to make what I considered friendly overtures if they could in any way be construed as criticism, despite that not being my intent AT ALL. Example: Sent my DIL some favorite family recipes that my son loved. Whoa.

Could I criticize some of her actions? Of course I could. We recently went up to visit for the first time 7 months after the wedding, and there was no food offered the entire weekend. She thought we would take them out to eat every meal. We did our best not to over-impose by getting a hotel room.

But our son shares that responsibility. He grew up in a house with regular visits from friends and family with hospitality extended to all. She grew up in a home with little cooking done by her mother.

We have a cordial relationship, that will hopefully grow into a warm one, in time.
See, and I asked my MIL for a family stuffing recipe at TG and she told me to buy a box and follow the directions! I'll never ask again! So she thought you were trying to say she couldn't cook?
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:22 AM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,969,187 times
Reputation: 2056
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
There are some DILs that require walking on eggshells around. I have one. I learned very early not to make what I considered friendly overtures if they could in any way be construed as criticism, despite that not being my intent AT ALL. Example: Sent my DIL some favorite family recipes that my son loved. Whoa.

Could I criticize some of her actions? Of course I could. We recently went up to visit for the first time 7 months after the wedding, and there was no food offered the entire weekend. She thought we would take them out to eat every meal. We did our best not to over-impose by getting a hotel room.

But our son shares that responsibility. He grew up in a house with regular visits from friends and family with hospitality extended to all. She grew up in a home with little cooking done by her mother.

We have a cordial relationship, that will hopefully grow into a warm one, in time.
I know you've shared your story (or part of it) before. You do have a bad DIL. I get tickled when I read your posts and wish I could swap you out for my MIL!

My in-laws, all of them, are very large. As an example, my MIL is 5'7" and has weighed 230 lbs most of her life - sometimes more, sometimes less. She's around 200 lbs right now, and she's the lightest. One of my SIL is 5'2" and 250 lbs, and she eats A LOT! I hate, hate, hate it when they all come to visit. My husband and I eat a lot of fruit and veggies. We're both trying to lose 15 lbs. He's very conscious about his weight since his family is obese. The last time they came for the weekend, we spent $200 on food that we don't eat - sodas, chips, huge meals. I do this because that's how I was raised, and then we show up for Christmas and have literally two large ladle-sized portions of dressing for seven people??? See, if I spend a lot of money on food again. We'll be having our regular veggies, and if they don't like it, Kroger is less than 2 miles away!

Oh, the stories we all could swap back and forth!
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:27 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,019,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermint View Post
I get tickled when I read your posts and wish I could swap you out for my MIL!
Wouldn't it be great if we could swap people around and let all the mean, miserable people go be with one another?
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:28 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 15,510,598 times
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I think women are naturally catty to some extent and then some make it a hobby. I am not a shrink but from my experience with my own MIL, I think women that are meddling and judgmental already have this ingrained into their personalities and it becomes worse when another woman enters the picture. My husband is not a momma's boy but if he had been, we would have divorced long ago. His mother can be a serious problem and if he had ever taken her side, we would have been cooked. He actually has a pretty crappy relationship with his mom because she is so critical and cold. The stuff he has told me of his childhood makes me sad. When he took my side or told her butt out she accused me of changing him and pulling him away from the family. What sucks for me is his sisters are a lot like his mom. I often feel like the unpopular girl in some twisted high school scene. I endured years of snotty comments, busy body behavior and so forth. It was a blessing when we moved away from them all.

She has said and done things to me over the years and I chose my battles. I knew my husband had my back but constantly complaining all the time just wore him out. We used to live within a few blocks of his family. After my son was born my MIL who rarely visited us started popping over unannounced to see her new grandson. She would walk in the house, eye everything, fire off questions like an interrogator. She would quiz me until I answered something not to her liking and then voice her opinion. Things that really did not concern her at all. I let it go and because my husband and her didnt have a good relationship, I had some pie in the sky idea that I could somehow bring them closer. I endured her drop in visits for a couple of months. Then things started to filter back to me through the grapevine. My SIL's are cut from the same cloth and the hens had a good time ripping me to shreds. My MIL told others that I was a dirty person because the one time she popped over, I had dishes in the sink and some things left in the living room. My son was a newborn at the time. Anyone with a newborn knows you are sleep deprived. I am also a neat freak so for someone to say that I am dirty is a bold face lie. Anyone that slightly knows me jokes that I have OCD. I let it go until one visit she showed up and asked who's car was the driveway. I said it was ours, we had just bought it. She slammed her purse down onto the kitchen table and didnt say a word to me for the whole visit. Obviously she didnt approve. When my husband came home, I was still upset. I was tired of her at this point. He was pissed I had let the visits go on for so long. He promptly called his mother and told her she needed to call first before coming over. She didnt say much and didnt come over again. Of course she whined to others how we didnt make her feel welcome.

Back to my original statement though, about it being a personality thing. I knew a woman that worked with my MIL. My MIL was a real B at the job too. Anytime a young girl was hired at the company, my MIL gave her a hard time. My MIL is extremely vain and jealous and if anyone is better looking or younger than her, she would give that person a hard time. One day she told us that she was going to start working part-time. She needed more time for her hobbies. She is a real social butterfly. Ok whatever. Then I got the real scoop. lol. She was such a PITA at the job, giving new hires such a hard time (the young women quit in droves) that owner who did actually like her, suggested she start working part time. They actually moved her to another position in the back of the office away from everyone the year before. When this happened my MIL proudly told everyone she got a promotion. My friend said it was the owner just trying to keep peace in the office. Thought by giving her a new job would keep her away from the younger women that worked up front. When that didnt work he had a serious talk with her about going part time. She lasted 6 months. Obviously her job was taken over mostly by other people and she would come in and give whomever a hard time. I think she realized she might get fired so she opted to retire. Of course she never let on what was really happening at her job but I knew.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:30 AM
 
Location: here
24,476 posts, read 28,773,973 times
Reputation: 31056
Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermint View Post
I know you've shared your story (or part of it) before. You do have a bad DIL. I get tickled when I read your posts and wish I could swap you out for my MIL!

My in-laws, all of them, are very large. As an example, my MIL is 5'7" and has weighed 230 lbs most of her life - sometimes more, sometimes less. She's around 200 lbs right now, and she's the lightest. One of my SIL is 5'2" and 250 lbs, and she eats A LOT! I hate, hate, hate it when they all come to visit. My husband and I eat a lot of fruit and veggies. We're both trying to lose 15 lbs. He's very conscious about his weight since his family is obese. The last time they came for the weekend, we spent $200 on food that we don't eat - sodas, chips, huge meals. I do this because that's how I was raised, and then we show up for Christmas and have literally two large ladle-sized portions of dressing for seven people??? See, if I spend a lot of money on food again. We'll be having our regular veggies, and if they don't like it, Kroger is less than 2 miles away!

Oh, the stories we all could swap back and forth!
We could go on and on I'm sure! I've had the same experience. I've bent over backward to be a good hostess and not have it appreciated. I've since cut back. I don't grocery shop for the entire visit. I'll stock up on a few things, but that's it.

Your Christmas story reminds me of a birthday celebration a few years back. We had a baby and/or a toddler, and so did my BIL, so we didn't want to go out to a fancy restaurant like we always do for birthdays with them. So they took us to some crappy pizza place (no way was that the only pizza place in town), and went out to the fancy restaurant on another night w/o us. It's not that there is really anything wrong with that on the surface, but I really felt like it was a jab at us for not being up for their idea of a birthday dinner, like yours was a jab at you for not being there ON Christmas.
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Old 01-20-2012, 11:30 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,629,574 times
Reputation: 5534
Amazon.com: Mother-in-law Hell: Real Stories about Real Mothers-in-law. (9780595128990): Patricia Bachkoff: Books
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