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Old 01-21-2012, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 605,634 times
Reputation: 860
Default What is wrong with kids being kids

Just bear with me, i have a lot of thoughts to sort out.

Children today are so over structured and over stimulated. We as adults who grew up a little different dont seem to understand why the kids of today are so outta wack. I think that the necessity of a two income family has ruined america. For example in regards to our children. From the moment they are born, they must be on a feeding schedule and a nap schedule, heck sometimes they are born on a schedule. Then they need to sleep through the night ASAP in order to let mom get more sleep because she has to go back to work. Then at 6 weeks they are put in daycare. Where they need to be scheduled from their 6 am wakeup until their 7 pm put down, in which they spend only 2-4 hrs with their parents. Then they are in preschool, schedule schedule schedule. Then after school programs. Summer programs, because mom or dad cant take the summer off just because Johnny did. Then middle school, then high school then college. Then working. And working. And working. Then your own kids which starts the cycle all over again.

I have nothing against working parents, because I know it almost always takes 2 incomes to run a household so we arent gonna argue that. But when do our little precious children get to be little precious children?
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Old 01-21-2012, 01:31 PM
 
8,688 posts, read 4,595,270 times
Reputation: 8416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
Just bear with me, i have a lot of thoughts to sort out.

Children today are so over structured and over stimulated. We as adults who grew up a little different dont seem to understand why the kids of today are so outta wack. I think that the necessity of a two income family has ruined america. For example in regards to our children. From the moment they are born, they must be on a feeding schedule and a nap schedule, heck sometimes they are born on a schedule. Then they need to sleep through the night ASAP in order to let mom get more sleep because she has to go back to work. Then at 6 weeks they are put in daycare. Where they need to be scheduled from their 6 am wakeup until their 7 pm put down, in which they spend only 2-4 hrs with their parents. Then they are in preschool, schedule schedule schedule. Then after school programs. Summer programs, because mom or dad cant take the summer off just because Johnny did. Then middle school, then high school then college. Then working. And working. And working. Then your own kids which starts the cycle all over again.

I have nothing against working parents, because I know it almost always takes 2 incomes to run a household so we arent gonna argue that. But when do our little precious children get to be little precious children?
That is a myth, plain and simple.

Children in THIS country were expected to work on the farm or in a factory not that long ago. In this day and age most children have far more leisure time than they did 100 years ago.

The idea that childhood is supposed to be a carefree romp of some sort is romanticized notion based on the adults own issues. Its hard to be a child, it always has been an always will be. Structure helps many children cope with that issue.

The 1950s or 60s idea of the mom or a childhood free of responsibility is an over romanticized idea that was NEVER the norm at any other time in human history in any other country. Silly indeed to bemoan the lose of something inherently abnormal anyway.
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Old 01-21-2012, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 605,634 times
Reputation: 860
Oh Im sorry to have touched on an issue that bothers you but seriously? I wasnt aware that 4 year olds were working in factories, or on farms. Yes responsibility comes in time, as do all things but were 10 week old babies put on a feeding schedule dictated by daycare and mommy office? No they were at home with their mother taking care of the house, while dad worked the farm , or factory. Children were taught at home by their parents through work and play. Yes our children have more free time than children in history did, thus I said they are over stimulated. But I grew up in a farm world and kids that helped as well as workers had long long long days during harvest and planting and short days during just normal business. You had a sense of pride in your home and work and learned from an early age that you worked for your dinner. Mom cooked and clean and taught children, men worked and made money. Children followed this model. Today they are taught everything from holding a bottle to math from someone paid to do it instead of their own parents. This is a problem for our children.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:10 PM
 
8,688 posts, read 4,595,270 times
Reputation: 8416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
Oh Im sorry to have touched on an issue that bothers you but seriously? I wasnt aware that 4 year olds were working in factories, or on farms.
Ah, so we are going to move the goal posts now. Nice. Your posts covers all of childhood and did not mention 4 yos specifically anywhere.

Quote:
Yes responsibility comes in time, as do all things but were 10 week old babies put on a feeding schedule dictated by daycare and mommy office?
You really need to learn some history. Scheduled feeding are the norm in the rest of this world and were in this country until the Dr. Spock book came out. I have no particularly opinion on them one way or the other but even in countries were everyone breastfeeds they generally use schedules.

Quote:
No they were at home with their mother taking care of the house, while dad worked the farm , or factory.
You do not know much about farms. If you think mom "takes care of the house while dad worked the farm" you are off your rocker. Farm wives WORKED THE FARM. Farmers wives (who are also farmers btw) drove tractors, feed animals, milked cows, etc on very tight SCHEDULES. Thus their children grew up on SCHEDULES.

Quote:
Children were taught at home by their parents through work and play.
Uhm no. Some of the first people to understand and choose to pay for education where the farmers of this country. They would all chip in and hire a teacher for their community. Which is why ALL schools in this country still follow farm schedules, you do know why summers off are the norm right? Apparently not.

Quote:
Yes our children have more free time than children in history did, thus I said they are over stimulated.
No, you said they are over-strucutred and over-stimulated. Stimulation and leisure need not have anything to do with one another.

Quote:
But I grew up in a farm world and kids that helped as well as workers had long long long days during harvest and planting and short days during just normal business.
I call BS. My cousin grew up on a farm. Even in the winter they had to get up before dawn to milk the cows or feed the horses. Then afterschool they had to muck stalls. And this is just a tiny dairy farm in Vt. Real working farms had exponentially more work, even in the winter.

Quote:
You had a sense of pride in your home and work and learned from an early age that you worked for your dinner. Mom cooked and clean and taught children, men worked and made money.
More nostalgic 50s nonsense. Farmers wives are just as responsible for making the money as the rest of the family was.

Quote:
Children followed this model. Today they are taught everything from holding a bottle to math from someone paid to do it instead of their own parents. This is a problem for our children.
LOL!

You think life on the farm stopped because a baby was born? Grandparents and the extended family took care of the children as much if not more than their own parents did. Again, you are drinking the 1950s nuclear family kool-aid. Farmers usually lived in extended family groups with, hold your breath, groups of children being cared for by people other than their parents, sometimes aunts, cousins, siblings, or grandparents.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:20 PM
 
Location: here
16,623 posts, read 12,946,277 times
Reputation: 13281
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
Just bear with me, i have a lot of thoughts to sort out.

Children today are so over structured and over stimulated. We as adults who grew up a little different dont seem to understand why the kids of today are so outta wack. I think that the necessity of a two income family has ruined america. For example in regards to our children. From the moment they are born, they must be on a feeding schedule and a nap schedule, heck sometimes they are born on a schedule. Then they need to sleep through the night ASAP in order to let mom get more sleep because she has to go back to work. Then at 6 weeks they are put in daycare. Where they need to be scheduled from their 6 am wakeup until their 7 pm put down, in which they spend only 2-4 hrs with their parents. Then they are in preschool, schedule schedule schedule. Then after school programs. Summer programs, because mom or dad cant take the summer off just because Johnny did. Then middle school, then high school then college. Then working. And working. And working. Then your own kids which starts the cycle all over again.

I have nothing against working parents, because I know it almost always takes 2 incomes to run a household so we arent gonna argue that. But when do our little precious children get to be little precious children?
First of all, your post is full of generalizations. Second of all, some of them aren't even accurate.

Even among working moms, I don't know anyone who went back to work 6 weeks after a birth. It tended to be more like 6 months.

My grandmother, who would have been 100 years old this year worked outside the home. Two income families are not new. I do agree that it has become harder to raise a family on one income, though, and that is unfortunate.

A lot of families and a lot of kids function better on a schedule. What business is it of yours?

Summer programs and after school programs are full of PLAY. All summer long when I take my kids to $1 movies, the pool, the park, etc. I run into summer camp groups. They do the exact same things moms do with their kids when school is out. I don't see how that takes away from their being kids.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Location: a fantasy world
4,084 posts, read 4,452,055 times
Reputation: 3540
If you ask me, kids these days get to be kids almost indefinitely. My coworker is 22 and has never lived outside of her mommy and daddy's house. Now she's getting all huffy because her parents are asking her to pay for her share of the house hold expenses including a bit of rent.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:25 PM
 
20,805 posts, read 29,308,079 times
Reputation: 9769
Kids need structure but don't confuse structure with scheduling. Babies have always been fed on a schedule some parents let the baby determine that schedule some parents determine that schedule for the baby. I can tell that in my experience though, if a baby isn't hungry, the baby won't eat.

As they turn into toddlers and young kids, they need a routine, they need predictability. That doesn't mean that they HAVE to do this AT this exact time but they need to know that nap time is after lunch, etc.

As for sleeping through the night, obviously you haven't had to get up with a newborn for nights on end disrupting your sleep . I was a SAHM and I tried to get my kids to sleep through the night as fast as they would. 2 months for 2 of them and 3 months for the third.

I happen to agree with you about tossing a kid in daycare at 6 weeks and your job taking precedence over your child though. I will never understand that way of life.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:26 PM
 
Location: here
16,623 posts, read 12,946,277 times
Reputation: 13281
OP, what is the real issue? You obviously have something going on in your life that prompted this thread. Making sweeping and inaccurate generalizations about entire generations of people is not going to get you any help in this forum.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:31 PM
 
Location: here
16,623 posts, read 12,946,277 times
Reputation: 13281
There are endless theories and methods of parenting. Some are attachment parents who feed on demand, never leave their baby's side, homeschool, or even unschool, sleep in a family bed, and do everything the polar opposite way that you described.

There are families who like more structure, everyone in their own bed, in their own room, moms who want to or have to work, and utilize day care and traditional schools.

Some families have an activity every night. Some don't have any.

and everything in between.

All families are different, and as long as it works for them, it really isn't any of your business how they run their household. you are free to do what you want in yours.
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Old 01-21-2012, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Central, NJ
1,901 posts, read 2,672,169 times
Reputation: 1756
I might not agree with all of your points but one of the reasons we are glad I am home with our son is the slower pace. I would hate to have to rush him out of the house every morning. And I love that we get to just do whatever we want. I'm starting to see more things now about the constant scheduling. Some of my friends who don't get to see their kids for very long every day have a hard time with them when they are alone for long periods. They feel like they always have to be doing something to keep them busy.
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