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Old 02-04-2012, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Wow. Judge and assume much?
Just observations. The parents I see pushing their kids the most are the more successful parents.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Just observations. The parents I see pushing their kids the most are the more successful parents.
What is your measure of successful parents?

You specifically indicated that "laid back" most likely represented a lack of success on the part of the parents. Are you speaking of financial success of the parents and/or people who are successful at the job of parenting (which may not necessarily have anything to do with their financial success)?
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Just observations. The parents I see pushing their kids the most are the more successful parents.
Interesting. My observation is that many times parents who push too hard for their kids to "succeed" according to mom and dad's sometimes unrealistic standards end up with kids in therapy. IMO there is a big old difference between guidance/encourgement and pushing.

Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 02-04-2012 at 02:04 PM.. Reason: DYAC
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Old 02-04-2012, 04:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Just observations. The parents I see pushing their kids the most are the more successful parents.
It is precisely because we have been successful that we are much more laid back with our kids. DH was able to retire at the age of 52, and do what he really wanted to, which was start his own company. He would never wish the highly compensated corporate life on our sons, and has encouraged them to seek their own ways.

Although two of them have always been in gifted programs, we encourage them to follow their passions, not success as defined by salary.
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Old 02-04-2012, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
What is your measure of successful parents?

You specifically indicated that "laid back" most likely represented a lack of success on the part of the parents. Are you speaking of financial success of the parents and/or people who are successful at the job of parenting (which may not necessarily have anything to do with their financial success)?
I'm talking accomplishment. You know, people who actually do something with their lives. The general indicators of success. Educated, successful professionals or, as is often the case in my district, just born into a successful family. I teach a lot of kids whose fathers are CEO's, Surgeons, lawyers and engineers. I see them pushing their kids to aim higher. Not that that's a bad thing. Apples don't fall far from the tree. If mom and dad were successful by aiming higher, chances are the kids can be too.
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Old 02-04-2012, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,168 posts, read 22,214,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm talking accomplishment. You know, people who actually do something with their lives. The general indicators of success. Educated, successful professionals or, as is often the case in my district, just born into a successful family. I teach a lot of kids whose fathers are CEO's, Surgeons, lawyers and engineers. I see them pushing their kids to aim higher. Not that that's a bad thing. Apples don't fall far from the tree. If mom and dad were successful by aiming higher, chances are the kids can be too.
So, you're saying financially successful people tend to push their children academically and you're concluding that the children are then financially successful as a result. You're defining success in a solely financial sense.

OK.

How do you determine that their children's success is based on their pushing or whether they have inherited the characteristics of success?

Are you counting the children that may not be "as" successful too? Do you know if those are the result of not pushing enought? Pushing too much? Other things beyond one's control?

Just curious.
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Old 02-05-2012, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,821,951 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
So, you're saying financially successful people tend to push their children academically and you're concluding that the children are then financially successful as a result. You're defining success in a solely financial sense.

OK.

How do you determine that their children's success is based on their pushing or whether they have inherited the characteristics of success?

Are you counting the children that may not be "as" successful too? Do you know if those are the result of not pushing enought? Pushing too much? Other things beyond one's control?

Just curious.
Please don't put words in my mouth.

No, I'm saying that professionally successful people push their kids. I didn't put a dollar amount on this.
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:53 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,381,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Please don't put words in my mouth.

No, I'm saying that professionally successful people push their kids. I didn't put a dollar amount on this.
Is there a difference between pushing and having high expectations?

For me there is.
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Old 02-05-2012, 08:26 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,282,159 times
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm talking accomplishment. You know, people who actually do something with their lives. The general indicators of success. Educated, successful professionals
LOL! I am an educated, successful professional. That is the LEAST indicator of success for me. I make some corporation money. Big deal. Though I do enjoy it.

The "pushing" I do is to aim toward character, to be the best THEM that they can be... whatever that is.
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Old 02-05-2012, 09:16 AM
 
9,058 posts, read 6,764,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm talking accomplishment. You know, people who actually do something with their lives. The general indicators of success. Educated, successful professionals or, as is often the case in my district, just born into a successful family. I teach a lot of kids whose fathers are CEO's, Surgeons, lawyers and engineers. I see them pushing their kids to aim higher. Not that that's a bad thing. Apples don't fall far from the tree. If mom and dad were successful by aiming higher, chances are the kids can be too.
Some of the most successful people I know are not educated nor professionals nor particularly wealthy. (Although, I do know a lot of extremely wealthy people. Not educated. Self made, through pursuing their passion).

The most successful people I know are ones who live by modest means and are of service to their communities. They don't push and shove their way to the top in some kind of eternal race for "success" as defined by money and social position. They're successful because they're happy.

Some of the most miserable people I know are very successful and live every day in the pursuit of more success and dogged by the fear that someone younger, smarter and more ambitious will come and usurp everything they've worked for. And because they only measure their self worth in terms of "success", they don't have very good relationships with their SO's or children.

While it's great to encourage your children to pursue professional careers, a number of surgeons, lawyers and other professionals that put umpteen hours into their jobs do not have a great track record of success in their private lives.

So while one's child may end up professionally successful, that's not necessarily an indicator that they are going to have a good life. The two don't always go hand in hand. Especially if the child really has a long held passion that's being ignored in favor of the parent's ideal role for them.

Our culture neglects to teach our children that music, art, philanthropy, writing, even working retail while you pursue your dreams, are an appropriate alternative to professional success, should you wish to live a fulfilled life.

It depends on whether you define great satisfaction with one's life no matter what your SES as successful, or whether your only indicator of success is a large bank account and professional bragging rights.
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