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Old 01-23-2012, 03:19 PM
 
345 posts, read 402,272 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Your drivers license can be replaced. Have you called your doctor (who presumably knows you) and told him/her the story? Perhaps they have some samples they could give you to tide you over until you get your license replaced. Cancel all your cards right now!

I'm getting a new DL tomorrow, so that clears that up. But my questions is what can I do with her short of throwing her out. If I throw her out she will be on the streets and she is nowhere near equipped to deal with that.

We have a joint meeting with her psychologist on Thursday. How do I best approach the subject there?
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:29 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
She was diagnosed with MAjor Depression.

Regarding the drug question: Until last night I would say no. But she went to a movie with a friend and she came home smelling of weed and with bloodshot eyes. But she was not even close to wasted, didn't have the munchies, stayed up for several hours, had no appearance of or acted as if she had smoked. I had many a friend back in the day that smoked and I know what stoners and speed freaks look like and how they behave. So I do not know. Also, her car window (passengerr side) was open this morning, I'm guessing to air things out. Her purse was inside her car.

She has always been overweght. She has PCOS and weighs in every week. When we did this in the past she actually lost weight, but when we don't ishe gains. This is not a control thing, she has an A1C of 7.2 and unless she loses weight the Type 2 will get ugly, fertility may be forever lost, and she faces a variety of cancers. Since her liver enzymes are elevated her endo (my endo as well) says she faces chirossis unless she loses weight. Given how rapid the enzymes became elevated she looks like one that will have the short end of the stick. Me, I have the long end - no damage whatsoever after 20 years of insuilin. If you can't get your ass on the treadmill in the basement when facing diabetes than I have no idea what will change it. This is also not one of those "let them figure it out / it's her life" things; it is a major health issue.

The answer to all the otehr questions is no. Except the lies; but that has gone on since she was 11 so I cannot chalk it up to drugs.
Well to be honest I was thinking harder drugs than weed.

I agree that if she is that sick you don't want to just let her figure it out however, I do think that you need to figure out why she is so desperate for money. It is likely that whatever is causing her to be so desperate for money is the reason she is lying to you and stealing from you.

Meanwhile, protect yourself by keeping your stuff safe. I feel bad for you. I hope things get better.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:30 PM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,738,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
I'm getting a new DL tomorrow, so that clears that up. But my questions is what can I do with her short of throwing her out. If I throw her out she will be on the streets and she is nowhere near equipped to deal with that.

We have a joint meeting with her psychologist on Thursday. How do I best approach the subject there?
You have to be honest with the psychologist. Tell him/her that you do not believe your daughter's lies. Perhaps you could ask him for some appropriate consequences for her. And most of all do not make excuses for her. Even if she is mentally ill, that does not excuse lying and stealing.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:36 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,653 posts, read 42,807,149 times
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Bless your heart. Protect yourself at all cost.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:37 PM
 
Location: California
4,445 posts, read 5,177,306 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
We have a joint meeting with her psychologist on Thursday. How do I best approach the subject there?
Honest works best. State the facts; missing wallet and can't get your own meds.

Gee, wonder where her drug money came from last night?


You must protect yourself first and you can't live someone else's pain.

Bless you for having a good heart and keep us posted.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:56 PM
 
345 posts, read 402,272 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60 View Post
Honest works best. State the facts; missing wallet and can't get your own meds.

Gee, wonder where her drug money came from last night?


You must protect yourself first and you can't live someone else's pain.

Bless you for having a good heart and keep us posted.

$ came from her allowance as the wallet went missing afterwards.

The wallet has since been "found" in a place where I told her exactly to look (which had been checked earlier by her). Well, it is back and will dal with it on Thursday. Until then I get a safe and will eye check her a bit more often. She is not using anything heavy, that much I know. I had a bunch of friends that did speed, coke (snorted and freebased) and heroin about 25 years ago. Also had a lot of friends that smoked weed and hash (I graduated in 1977 so half the HS was wasted on a daily basis). Outside of the eyes and the smell there are no other signs of her doing anything. Plus the money issues are not conastant.

All of her friends work and she gets $40/wk. She doesn't want to be embarrassed so it happens. It happend during Christmas to buy me a gift. None of this makes it right, but I do not believe she is doing meth or anything close. The covering up is what troubles me the most since there is no way then to get to the root cause.
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Old 01-23-2012, 04:44 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,362,165 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post

We have a joint meeting with her psychologist on Thursday. How do I best approach the subject there?

You print out your OP and hand it to the psychologist and say, "Here. This is what I have to deal with."

I'm very sorry you are going through this but EVERYTHING has to be out on the table with any professional help you seek. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. To yourself and them.

(And do not use your experiences 30 years ago with dopers as a basis for what she may be doing. Times have changed. Kids are smarter now about how to hide it then they were in 1977.)
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Old 01-23-2012, 08:57 PM
 
236 posts, read 724,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I would have no problem kicking out an adult who stole from me. However, you do not seem inclined to do this.

Given that you do not want to kick her out I would buy a small save (available for about $75) and keep your keys, wallet, money and other valuable information locked in the safe. I would also keep any medications that might have street value in your safe.
I have to agree with this.

When I first started reading the original post, I was getting the impression that this was a kid around 12 years old pulling this stunt for the first time. Then I read more, and this is an 18 year old who has a chronic habit of lying, stealing, and shrugging off medical appointments -- I can't see how her behaviour will change when she never faces consequences. She is never punished in any way, so she has no motivation to change her ways. If you're unwilling to push her towards self-sufficiency and finding a way to support herself on her own, then it looks like you're just going to end up becoming a lot more careful about where you keep your valuables, and you'll need to figure out exactly how far you are willing to entrust your daughter with anything. I'm sorry if this all sounds harsh, but, she seems to be getting more hard and indifferent to whatever problems she is going to create for you -- her own whims seem to come first no matter what.

I wouldn't chalk up the disappearing money all to drugs, although that could be the case, I don't know. She could be using the money to "buy friends"...paying for eating out, going to entertainment like the movies or concerts or other things, buying her friends gifts...Just a suspicion.
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Old 01-26-2012, 07:42 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
I'm getting a new DL tomorrow, so that clears that up. But my questions is what can I do with her short of throwing her out. If I throw her out she will be on the streets and she is nowhere near equipped to deal with that.

We have a joint meeting with her psychologist on Thursday. How do I best approach the subject there?
I couldn't live in the same house with a thief - but it's too late now for your daughter I guess, that issue should have been addressed a long time ago, and it sounds like she knows she can get by with anything she feels like doing.

Don't leave any money or credit cards or checks around, if you lock them in the house, be prepared for her to try and pry open or pick a lock.

I also don't understand giving an 18 year old any money at all unless you're helping with college, not $40 a week but let her get a job and do something with herself. I think it's time to start cutting her off -- provide healthy low-calorie foods in the home, and if she wants to go out with her friends, she needs to find a job.
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,702,156 times
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I detect you may have been lenient with her so far and even enabled her with cash and stuff. That will have to stop going forward.

You need your work ID and stuff, first. Banks, you can always call and arrest any transaction flux.

Good luck to you, big man. Stay strong. You will get your things back pretty soon. I'm not sure of the work ID though. If you have a 24-hour office support like, you can fix it up.

Going forward, protect like a hound.
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