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Old 04-04-2012, 03:45 PM
 
345 posts, read 404,099 times
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Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Good! I hope it helps too. You have more on your plate than anyone deserves!

Oh oh.
There was a hiatis because of the Holidays and work schedule. I've started seeing him again, and family therapy too. Thanks.

I think there is a core issue somewhere that needs to be found. From there recovery can happen. Just at a loss as to where to look anymore.
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Old 04-04-2012, 06:04 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,882,389 times
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SadDad, it's not the end of the world if she has a personality disorder. Many people do, and they are still able to function and have lives. As I said, good cognitive therapy can help.

One thing that you wrote that blows my mind is that her mom left her at rest stops not once, but twice, and she was able to have visitation after that. Wow!! I can see how your daughter has issues, and it's not from the PCOS. What you described happening to your young daughter is traumatic. I hope she finds a great therapist that she can connect with.
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:48 PM
 
345 posts, read 404,099 times
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Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
SadDad, it's not the end of the world if she has a personality disorder. Many people do, and they are still able to function and have lives. As I said, good cognitive therapy can help.

One thing that you wrote that blows my mind is that her mom left her at rest stops not once, but twice, and she was able to have visitation after that. Wow!! I can see how your daughter has issues, and it's not from the PCOS. What you described happening to your young daughter is traumatic. I hope she finds a great therapist that she can connect with.

I was pushing to remove her parental rights. But it was a rural county where the judges preferred the mother to have custody regardless of the situation. There had been a recent case where the father had custody via an out of court settlement and custody was given to the mother ex parte who was living in a motel at the time. My X's attorney was from Baltimore and had no knowledge of the situation in the county. Avoiding court was key. It was the best I could do. Anything more would have landed us in court. Also remember it was 1997 when fathers seeking custody of their daughters were considered pedophiles by default.

I did confront her about the wellbutrin and she admittEd to not taking it because she didn't feel it was working. But she also said there was a lot going on given the court hearings for the xBF. She said she wanted to talk to her psychiatrist about changing meds, but the med check appointment is 3 months away, which should show her she is not ready to be on her own yet She will start taking the wellbutrin again and move up the med check.

For the record she stopped going to her psychologist after she stopped the meds. She was also more interested in school and her future, and wasn't hanging out with lowlifes either. So from my observation it was doing some good. This was her first experience with psych drugs. I know it is not an exact science and tweeking is involved. I've also discovered a depression clinic at Wash U that will see her if this psychiatrist doesn't work out.

Her mother is bipolar and narcissistic PD. I met a few BPDs during X's stays as an inpatient. I don't see DD fitting in that mold but it was also years ago and I assume they were the more severe cases. I'll look into it and see if the family therapist can advise and if my psychologist can diagnose forensically.
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,241,759 times
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Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
it has been a rough few days. I wasn't taking anything as casting blame, but I do have blame and I acknowledge that. There is a lot, and I mean a lot, of background.
[snip]
I am seeing someone individually. It helps, but I have not gone in a while. If nothing else the venting helps, like here. Plus there are some good suggestions. Thank you, and everyone else. I feel your posts are very good and wise. And I thank you for your time.

I know how all this sounds. I am not making any of this up. There are probably way too many moving pieces to deal with here, but there have been some really good suggestions. I'm out of good, and even bad, ideas. Mental illness is not something to be played with. I don't want to make anything worse so I do float them past my therapist first.
Man, you have a lot going on! I am so glad you have an individual therapist and that you have started going again. IMO, there is no replacement for a professional who knows all of the ins and outs of one's history for helping to cope with complicated situations. I am also glad you have CD to just vent. We'll be here if you need an ear.

Re: not making this stuff up, truth is stranger than fiction, IME. I am sorry for all you have been through, and what you are currently going through. Great idea to run new plans past the therapist first to get another set of eyes on the implications for the big picture. Good luck to you.
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Old 04-05-2012, 08:29 AM
 
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In any event, SadDad, please know that many of us (I think I can speak for others) are rooting for you. Keep us posted.
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Old 04-05-2012, 01:02 PM
 
11,621 posts, read 19,824,495 times
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Yes we are all rooting for your and your daughter. I think that a counselor for you is a great idea. You have so many things going on having a sounding board that knows you and your family can help you prioritize which issues need your attention the most.

I hope you have a peaceful holiday weekend.
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Old 04-05-2012, 01:41 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I think the OPs child might truly have to many things going on (medically) for him to put all the responsibility on her. She needs him to be a parent right now. If she were a normal young adult with no mental health issues I would say kicking her to the curb would work. However, she has serious medical issues and unless he gets those under control she will not ever be capable of living independently.

If the OP wants to get her to the point where she is capable of being on her own he needs to temporarily treat her like a child. Once she is on the meds, and feeling better then he needs to get her to be more independent. If he kicks her out before then it will not work for her. Mental illness renders people completely incapable of taking care of themselves.

This halfway thing is not going to work for her.
I agree with this. I think given the family history there is a good chance she has some kind of mental illness. I don't think you should kick her out, but I don't think things can continue as they have been either. Is an in-patient treatment program an option?
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:55 PM
 
345 posts, read 404,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Yes we are all rooting for your and your daughter. I think that a counselor for you is a great idea. You have so many things going on having a sounding board that knows you and your family can help you prioritize which issues need your attention the most.

I hope you have a peaceful holiday weekend.

thank you, and you too.
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Old 04-05-2012, 05:15 PM
 
345 posts, read 404,099 times
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Well, today was a good day in a few ways. We are going to Texas the weekend after Easter. She was born there and we moved when she was a few weeks old and she has never been back. It is about a 750 mile drive so it qualifies as a road trip. We have always had good times and memories on road trips, probably because all other stressors (i.e. my mother) are out of the picture. And we bond. Until today she really wasn't talking about it, but today she wanted to get a haircut and some new outfits and started asking me about where we lived when she was born.

I gave her my CC for some the haircut, some clothes and makeup since I promised to pick up the tab for these items for the Texas trip. I also told her to fill her tank and get a car wash. She didn't want the car wash because it was going to rain today. The other items came in under the budget I gave her. For the record it is a CC with a very low limit; it is one thing to trust her at $500 and a completely different thing to trust her at $20k. She doesn't know the credit limit.

I find these encouraging in that she didn't run amok and is looking forward to the trip.

Plus it is a non-diet weekend (how can you be on a diet in Texas?) so there will be no discusion about weight loss and such. I used to tell her stories about when she was a toddler (her first chocolate milk experience for example) so I'm hoping the return to her birthplace, after 19 years, and some good fun stories about when she was young will spark something to build on. Plus it's 5 days away from her lowlife friends and two weeks back on the Wellbutrin.

I know you all don't know us personally but any general ideas for the trip are welcome. How to approach certain things, or just leave things alone for the trip and load up on milkshakes at the Health Camp Drive-In in Waco and a 50oz T-Bone at the Traildust up in Navo. If nothing else my cardiologist will earn his keep at my next office visit.

Last edited by SadDad; 04-05-2012 at 05:37 PM..
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Old 04-05-2012, 09:54 PM
 
Location: New York City
2,814 posts, read 5,882,389 times
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My only advice is to keep your expectations low. This way if things turn out great you will be pleasantly surprised. If they are bad, you won't be disappointed. I would use the trip to reconnect. Nothing else. I wish you all the best.
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