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Old 04-05-2012, 10:40 PM
 
345 posts, read 401,861 times
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A nice day and a nice evening. Hopefully there will be more of them than the opposite.

The xBF did a number on her. I didn't know how bad it was. Probably still don't. On top of everything for her there's this.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,225,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gimme it View Post
My only advice is to keep your expectations low. This way if things turn out great you will be pleasantly surprised. If they are bad, you won't be disappointed. I would use the trip to reconnect. Nothing else. I wish you all the best.
I agree with this advice. Use the trip to reconnect and then there will be a fresh base when you decide what changes need to happen at home after you return. Glad you two had a good day today! Good luck and have a safe trip.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:24 AM
 
345 posts, read 401,861 times
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Well, that was short lived.

I've been asking for her college password for a few days now. Online access to her grades was a stipulation given her past history in school (and the lost $20k of tuition from last year). I'm on the fence about believing if she is going or not. Regardless, she was txting some boy all night. He is 16 and, well, a stoner. His FB pictures have hime wearing a "stoned" bracelt, shotgunning through a garden hose, and a large 'shroom drawn on his window. He, and all his friends, go to the troubled kids HS. She had his initials written on her palm in magic marker (I know they are his because he has rather unique initials). And I know full well the only reason he's interested is because she is working (hence money) and has a car. But how on Earth do you get that through to her? She says "they have my back". Like I don't. These punks will be gone in a few months and she will be left with fewer life options. I was right about the last BF and she agreed to listen to my opinion about BFs and frinds. But all she does is get in my face. Yes, I know she needs to find her friends, but these kids are no good and will get her into trouble. If you're 16 and doing peyote there's a good chance the police will be involved sooner than later. Maybe she needs to get arrested. IDK.

She's pissing her life away and it breaks my heart so much. She has so much going for her, but only if she wouldn't waste her time with these types. How does she think she can get through 4 years of college hanging out with kids that just want to get wasted? I just found out (from my mother) that her mother told her that college was for partying (my mother knew this tidbit of information years ago, thanks mom).

It was nice while it lasted. I'm tired of crying all the time. But even if I "let her find out the hard way" I'll still cry. I feel like the walking dead. I just want one break, all I ask for, just one.

As an aside, she exhibits no symptoms of marijuana or peyote usage. Zip, nada. I've been watching for it for a while now, and nothing. Personally I just think she wants acceptance from a group and lowers her standards because it is easier. I think she fights me so much because she can tell I don't like them and she doesn't want to be alone (but not in a BPD manner). She has blown off full groups of friends before when they started petty thievery and drinking, so I'm surprised about this group.

Last edited by SadDad; 04-06-2012 at 09:33 AM..
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 3,225,745 times
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Hang in there, Dad. It's going to be one step forward, two steps back. I know that's hard when you are emotionally drained by it all and when you can see when things are headed in a "bad direction." If you're not already, I'd start keeping a list of things you want to address in family therapy (like the things in your last post).
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:14 AM
 
345 posts, read 401,861 times
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Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain View Post
Hang in there, Dad. It's going to be one step forward, two steps back. I know that's hard when you are emotionally drained by it all and when you can see when things are headed in a "bad direction." If you're not already, I'd start keeping a list of things you want to address in family therapy (like the things in your last post).
I know. Sometimes the frustration seeps through, but I always have hope. I just got off the phone with her and she had some pretty bad nightmares last night about the xBF. She was finally going to talk about it with her psychologist when the no-shows started (duh!). But it also explains the two blow-ups we had earlier. I wish she would just tell me she had the nightmares rather than come through as confrontational. In part I believe my issues with the xBF prior to the abuse (I tried over and over to point out his control issues, overall poor treatment of her, and where it would lead) has something to do with her not telling me. I think she doesn't want to tell me because "Dad was right" and fears an "I told you so" lecture (not going to happen) or she feels embarrassed somehow.

Anywy, she agreed to let me try to talk with the psychologist to resume office visits, or find another one. I explained it's not like a sprained ankle. That sometimes someone needs to step in to help at the basic levels in order to prevent a spiral. It has nothing to do with control or failure (she is deathly afraid of this because of the xBF). If I can get her to allow me to give her her meds then I think she can start the journey to healing. I really don't want to do that, but she needs them and I cannot trust her to take them on her own at the moment. Once she's on them and starts beiong more healthy by all means she takes over. This isn't 100% altruistic: I'm 53 and really want to get out more. But, I am a parent and my child is in need.

BTW, one of the hardest parts about being a single parent is there is nobody to say "jeez, that's a stupid idea".
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Old 04-08-2012, 10:58 AM
 
345 posts, read 401,861 times
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I counted her Wellbutrin pills this morning. Same number as a week ago. Unless there's another bottle laying around she's not taking them. We spoke about me taking over her meds. If she didn't take them she would let that happen. Now need to figure out how to catch her.

Last night was potentiallytrue worst. I don't know what to believe. Long story, need to sort things out.

She has so much potential, she was in algebra 2 as a freshman. But she does nothing and seems hellbent on wasting everything.

Just got off the phone with an old friend. Apparantly it could be a lot worse.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:55 PM
 
345 posts, read 401,861 times
Reputation: 236
Well it was almost as bad as I thought but there is a possibility to salvage school. The Texas trip has been modified to exclude seeing my friend. Instead we will spend an extra day in Dallas which is where she was born - more one in one time. And to be hOnest I'd rather see my friend alOne so we can pig out 24/7 on BBQ and catch some games. There is a new psychologist and we do family on Monday. She was fired because she wasn't chipper (not taking Wellbutrin at the time). I have her keys and she is allowed them only on approved trips. She has also agreed to let me dole out the meds every day until she's back at proper levels. When she was on meds yOu could see there were still issues to work on, but there was minimal despair and she was a whole lot more chipper, less hostile, and more dedicated. So the meds do something so maybe not a full blown PD. even if it were there the functionality seems there on the meds to have a fighting chance to combat.

Last edited by SadDad; 04-10-2012 at 12:04 AM..
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