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Old 01-23-2012, 01:25 PM
 
345 posts, read 401,925 times
Reputation: 236

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ok, last night I put my wallet in a plastic tub in my closet along with my keys. This morning there are keys, but no wallet. We have ripped up the house looking for it. My daughter just found one of the cards in her purse. I had given it to her and I'm pretty sure she gave it back. I have no solid proof but I think she took my wallet.

This is not the first issue. About two months ago there was a $100 withdrawal that I know I never made (as I was at work at the time). She claimed it was one of her x-friends that came into the house, took the card, used it, then put it back on my dresser (as I had my wallet at the time) all without getting the dogs to bark or make a comotion and somehow getting past my mother both times. This was let go since she was in therapy and just on meds. But now she isn't going to therapy (although she says she is) and the therapist has canceled all future dates because she never shows up (she is 18) The copay is $0 so there is no excuse not to go, but I get billed if she misses.

I am 95% convinced she took it this time, was going to get some cash, and would say she found it later. But the issue is that this is a major issue for me at this very moment. I have no gas, no work ID (it allows me to use the elevators), and I have less than a days supply of innsulin. I think her problem right now is that I tore up my bedroom and closet and there is no way to say she found it in my room. But given the fact that I am almost out of insulin don't you think she'd find a way? I think the BOA card she "found" in her purse is that way out, but there's less than $400 in it and all my utilities are tied to the main debit card (and the nearest branch is 200 miles away (from a prior job)). Plus I need to order my insulin pump supplies (that's about $750). Plus I have no ID and can't really leave work to get a new one (it is the busy season here). I've explained all this to her. So why?

I really hope I'm wrong here, but my gut tells me otherwise. Opinions please. I do not want to believe this, and need some unbiased opinions. I have no idea what to do. We have an appointment with her therapist on 1/16. Even with that I told her they won't make any appointments with her until I go because of all the missed appointments, but she still says she only missed one. So whay? Seriosuly why does she lie about the obvious?

I am at my wit's end. No idea what to do with her. I have no siblings and muy mother lives with me. Her mother lives in Chicago and is a wreck (bipolar and Narcissistic PD). She only has a few friends and has no money (spent all of it) and no job. She is going to CC, but I have to stay on her 24/7 about getting out of the house to volunteer at the animal shelter (thought if she shoveled dog crap for free she'd get a job; but I have to ask her all the time about when she goes and I truely doubt she does). So what are my options? If I put her stuff at the curb she has nowhere to go, and I mean nowhere. Plus she would have no way to pay for her meds (wellbutin, metformin (yes, she is Type II (actually PCOS)). Her endo has given her the weight lecture (she is 245) as have I but she still drinks sugared sodas and never exercises). Suggestions? I can't really put her on the street. I can't do that. If she had a safe place to go then yes, but she doesn't.

sorry for the meandering, but my mind is not in a good place at the moment. Any suggestions are appreciated.
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:37 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,039,895 times
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Since you need the card immediately, just tell her to ask all her friends about it and if it's in the mailbox by midnight there will be no questions asked. She can return it and you can get your meds, etc.

Then secure your personal property and decide what to do from there.
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:41 PM
 
13,496 posts, read 13,971,597 times
Reputation: 11119
hugs for you. sounds like you have several problems that on their own would be tough to sort out. the stealing is a symptom of the problem, however it sure has put you in a pickle. do what you have to do right now to take care of your needs. close all the accounts and re open new ones so nothing else can be used if your wallet is never "found" again.

your daughter is in between the adult and the child world. she will never take responsibility for getting to school, doing chores and getting a job because all her basic needs are taken care of and she has no motivation that would give her any incentive to live a more adult life.

give her options and if she can't follow them, have her transition into being on her own. even if it means paying for her a "room" somewhere. is there any social programs that will give her a skill? at her age and interest level any "school" she does would have to be short and a quick path to a job. narrow her focus and choice down. if she can't get to the doctor shut down the appts.

once you have a reasonable plan in place that she can be failry successful at, put it into action and if she can't perform or manages to preform, get her out on her own as fast as you can.

she doesn't know what independent living is and until she is out on her own trying to make it all work she doesn't know what is important to her or her future. sometimes you don't know till it is gone and you get perspective on it, that you understand how important it is.

if her stealing and behavior just doesn't get better or she does nothing to help herself then she has made the choice and she needs to go find a room somewhere and live her life.
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,233,815 times
Reputation: 21263
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
ok, last night I put my wallet in a plastic tub in my closet along with my keys. This morning there are keys, but no wallet. We have ripped up the house looking for it. My daughter just found one of the cards in her purse. I had given it to her and I'm pretty sure she gave it back. I have no solid proof but I think she took my wallet.

This is not the first issue. About two months ago there was a $100 withdrawal that I know I never made (as I was at work at the time). She claimed it was one of her x-friends that came into the house, took the card, used it, then put it back on my dresser (as I had my wallet at the time) all without getting the dogs to bark or make a comotion and somehow getting past my mother both times. This was let go since she was in therapy and just on meds. But now she isn't going to therapy (although she says she is) and the therapist has canceled all future dates because she never shows up (she is 18) The copay is $0 so there is no excuse not to go, but I get billed if she misses.

I am 95% convinced she took it this time, was going to get some cash, and would say she found it later. But the issue is that this is a major issue for me at this very moment. I have no gas, no work ID (it allows me to use the elevators), and I have less than a days supply of innsulin. I think her problem right now is that I tore up my bedroom and closet and there is no way to say she found it in my room. But given the fact that I am almost out of insulin don't you think she'd find a way? I think the BOA card she "found" in her purse is that way out, but there's less than $400 in it and all my utilities are tied to the main debit card (and the nearest branch is 200 miles away (from a prior job)). Plus I need to order my insulin pump supplies (that's about $750). Plus I have no ID and can't really leave work to get a new one (it is the busy season here). I've explained all this to her. So why?

I really hope I'm wrong here, but my gut tells me otherwise. Opinions please. I do not want to believe this, and need some unbiased opinions. I have no idea what to do. We have an appointment with her therapist on 1/16. Even with that I told her they won't make any appointments with her until I go because of all the missed appointments, but she still says she only missed one. So whay? Seriosuly why does she lie about the obvious?

I am at my wit's end. No idea what to do with her. I have no siblings and muy mother lives with me. Her mother lives in Chicago and is a wreck (bipolar and Narcissistic PD). She only has a few friends and has no money (spent all of it) and no job. She is going to CC, but I have to stay on her 24/7 about getting out of the house to volunteer at the animal shelter (thought if she shoveled dog crap for free she'd get a job; but I have to ask her all the time about when she goes and I truely doubt she does). So what are my options? If I put her stuff at the curb she has nowhere to go, and I mean nowhere. Plus she would have no way to pay for her meds (wellbutin, metformin (yes, she is Type II (actually PCOS)). Her endo has given her the weight lecture (she is 245) as have I but she still drinks sugared sodas and never exercises). Suggestions? I can't really put her on the street. I can't do that. If she had a safe place to go then yes, but she doesn't.

sorry for the meandering, but my mind is not in a good place at the moment. Any suggestions are appreciated.
I'd call the police.

They'll get to the bottom of it.

Seriously, if she is capable of doing this, you have no idea what she might be capable of. I'd strongly suggest that you tell her she has 30 days to move out (she is 18, and an adult). I'd make sure she does it and change the locks.

You're headed for a lifetime of heartache if you don't take control of this situation NOW.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 01-23-2012, 02:44 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,376,861 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
ok, last night I put my wallet in a plastic tub in my closet along with my keys. This morning there are keys, but no wallet. We have ripped up the house looking for it. My daughter just found one of the cards in her purse. I had given it to her and I'm pretty sure she gave it back. I have no solid proof but I think she took my wallet.

This is not the first issue. About two months ago there was a $100 withdrawal that I know I never made (as I was at work at the time). She claimed it was one of her x-friends that came into the house, took the card, used it, then put it back on my dresser (as I had my wallet at the time) all without getting the dogs to bark or make a comotion and somehow getting past my mother both times. This was let go since she was in therapy and just on meds. But now she isn't going to therapy (although she says she is) and the therapist has canceled all future dates because she never shows up (she is 18) The copay is $0 so there is no excuse not to go, but I get billed if she misses.

I am 95% convinced she took it this time, was going to get some cash, and would say she found it later. But the issue is that this is a major issue for me at this very moment. I have no gas, no work ID (it allows me to use the elevators), and I have less than a days supply of innsulin. I think her problem right now is that I tore up my bedroom and closet and there is no way to say she found it in my room. But given the fact that I am almost out of insulin don't you think she'd find a way? I think the BOA card she "found" in her purse is that way out, but there's less than $400 in it and all my utilities are tied to the main debit card (and the nearest branch is 200 miles away (from a prior job)). Plus I need to order my insulin pump supplies (that's about $750). Plus I have no ID and can't really leave work to get a new one (it is the busy season here). I've explained all this to her. So why?

I really hope I'm wrong here, but my gut tells me otherwise. Opinions please. I do not want to believe this, and need some unbiased opinions. I have no idea what to do. We have an appointment with her therapist on 1/16. Even with that I told her they won't make any appointments with her until I go because of all the missed appointments, but she still says she only missed one. So whay? Seriosuly why does she lie about the obvious?

I am at my wit's end. No idea what to do with her. I have no siblings and muy mother lives with me. Her mother lives in Chicago and is a wreck (bipolar and Narcissistic PD). She only has a few friends and has no money (spent all of it) and no job. She is going to CC, but I have to stay on her 24/7 about getting out of the house to volunteer at the animal shelter (thought if she shoveled dog crap for free she'd get a job; but I have to ask her all the time about when she goes and I truely doubt she does). So what are my options? If I put her stuff at the curb she has nowhere to go, and I mean nowhere. Plus she would have no way to pay for her meds (wellbutin, metformin (yes, she is Type II (actually PCOS)). Her endo has given her the weight lecture (she is 245) as have I but she still drinks sugared sodas and never exercises). Suggestions? I can't really put her on the street. I can't do that. If she had a safe place to go then yes, but she doesn't.

sorry for the meandering, but my mind is not in a good place at the moment. Any suggestions are appreciated.

After this gets resolved please dont leave your wallet within her reach. Get a lock on your door or a safe (you can get at Home Depot or Lowes for about $20) Me personally I would kick her out but I doubt that is going to happen.

Do you have checks that you could use to get you RX?

Good luck
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:01 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
Reputation: 12046
I would have no problem kicking out an adult who stole from me. However, you do not seem inclined to do this.

Given that you do not want to kick her out I would buy a small save (available for about $75) and keep your keys, wallet, money and other valuable information locked in the safe. I would also keep any medications that might have street value in your safe.

What is she doing with the money she is stealing? Is she using your credit card to buy things? To me, it sounds like your child COULD have a problem with drugs. I am not there and I do not know whether she has an actual problem with drugs, but a teen who is that desperate for money sounds like she may have a drug problem. What else would make her so desperate for money that she would steal from you? If she needed money for normal teen stuff (like make up or going to a movie) would she steal it from you, or would she ask you for it?

Have you seen changes in her personality?
Has she always been heavy or has her weight gain been sudden?
Are her eyes red and watery?
Do her hands shake?
Has she made a bunch of new friends?
Has she changed her activities?
Does she seem to need an excessive amount of privacy?
Does she lie a lot?-it seems so to me.
Is she paranoid?
Does she have an UNEXPLAINED need for money?

All of these are signs of drug use. Some of them are also signs of mental illness (which you acknowledge). Is it at all possible that this is the underlying issue?
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:03 PM
 
345 posts, read 401,925 times
Reputation: 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
After this gets resolved please dont leave your wallet within her reach. Get a lock on your door or a safe (you can get at Home Depot or Lowes for about $20) Me personally I would kick her out but I doubt that is going to happen.

Do you have checks that you could use to get you RX?

Good luck

checks: yes

ID: no
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:06 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,376,861 times
Reputation: 1070
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
checks: yes

ID: no

Does your local pharmacy know you? It sounds like maybe your there alot so they may make an exception. Sorry this is a tough one.
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:11 PM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadDad View Post
checks: yes

ID: no
Your drivers license can be replaced. Have you called your doctor (who presumably knows you) and told him/her the story? Perhaps they have some samples they could give you to tide you over until you get your license replaced. Cancel all your cards right now!
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:16 PM
 
345 posts, read 401,925 times
Reputation: 236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post

To me, it sounds like your child COULD have a problem with drugs.

Have you seen changes in her personality?
Has she always been heavy or has her weight gain been sudden?
Are her eyes red and watery?
Do her hands shake?
Has she made a bunch of new friends?
Has she changed her activities?
Does she seem to need an excessive amount of privacy?
Does she lie a lot?-it seems so to me.
Is she paranoid?
Does she have an UNEXPLAINED need for money?

All of these are signs of drug use. Some of them are also signs of mental illness (which you acknowledge). Is it at all possible that this is the underlying issue?
She was diagnosed with MAjor Depression.

Regarding the drug question: Until last night I would say no. But she went to a movie with a friend and she came home smelling of weed and with bloodshot eyes. But she was not even close to wasted, didn't have the munchies, stayed up for several hours, had no appearance of or acted as if she had smoked. I had many a friend back in the day that smoked and I know what stoners and speed freaks look like and how they behave. So I do not know. Also, her car window (passengerr side) was open this morning, I'm guessing to air things out. Her purse was inside her car.

She has always been overweght. She has PCOS and weighs in every week. When we did this in the past she actually lost weight, but when we don't ishe gains. This is not a control thing, she has an A1C of 7.2 and unless she loses weight the Type 2 will get ugly, fertility may be forever lost, and she faces a variety of cancers. Since her liver enzymes are elevated her endo (my endo as well) says she faces chirossis unless she loses weight. Given how rapid the enzymes became elevated she looks like one that will have the short end of the stick. Me, I have the long end - no damage whatsoever after 20 years of insuilin. If you can't get your ass on the treadmill in the basement when facing diabetes than I have no idea what will change it. This is also not one of those "let them figure it out / it's her life" things; it is a major health issue.

The answer to all the otehr questions is no. Except the lies; but that has gone on since she was 11 so I cannot chalk it up to drugs.
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