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Old 01-24-2012, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,779,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I would rather that they thoughtfully don't have kids than carelessly have kids that they did not want.
I'd rep you for this but I have to spread some rep around. I would be happy they made the decision that was right for them. Now, if both of my dd's did this, I'd be a little sad but it's their decision not mine.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:49 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,829,609 times
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Honestly.....I would be disappointed. I wouldn't want them to miss out on one of life's great joys and I would hope that they might one day reconsider.

At the same time I would respect their decision. It is their life and they need to be true to themselves above all else. I would never pressure my kids to have kids. That will be their own decision to make. I'll accept whatever they decide is best for themselves and I'll be proud of them too.

Last edited by springfieldva; 01-24-2012 at 08:17 AM..
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:35 AM
 
2,319 posts, read 3,974,638 times
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My husband and I are the "kids" that don't want kids. My MIL is very anxious that she might never be a grandmother. I've talked about her and my husband's siblings elsewhere in the Parenting forum, and I can't get into the details about his siblings because they are so unique. I'm afraid they might find this and it would start drama. I will say that my husband has three sisters between 29 and 32, and the relationship between them and them and their parents is highly dysfunctional. The sisters live together and have never dated or been in a relationship. It's essentially a done deal with them. They will probably never have children. My husband and I aren't too sure. We're in our mid-30's and don't feel the desire. My MIL is upset. She threw the neighbor kids in our face over the holidays (i.e. "these might be the only children I get to grandmother"). *Note: they might well be since she treats my husband badly, and I wouldn't want our kids around that.

My sister has four kids, and my mom's already a great grandma from one of her sons. I think my mom would have fun being a close grandma to my kids (my sister lived many states away), but I don't think she would be disappointed terribly.

As a childless by choice woman, it gets very annoying when people pressure you to have kids and say things like "you are going to miss out on one of life's great joys". I know the above poster believes this and isn't trying to be obnoxious. No one is trying to be obnoxious. I understand. It's just very annoying to keep hearing this from everyone. There is no argument I haven't heard. All I can say is "I don't feel maternal" or "I don't think I have the patience" or "I just don't have the desire", but I always, always have to add "but I might change my mind, like you said". Hmp, it's a draining dance, especially since it's NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS. I love and respect my parents, but it's not their call.

Just a perspective from the other side.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:38 AM
 
114 posts, read 187,256 times
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my kids are still young but i think i would be upset at first but that is for them to decided! kids change your life forever.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:49 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,829,609 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peppermint View Post

As a childless by choice woman, it gets very annoying when people pressure you to have kids and say things like "you are going to miss out on one of life's great joys". I know the above poster believes this and isn't trying to be obnoxious. No one is trying to be obnoxious. I understand. It's just very annoying to keep hearing this from everyone. There is no argument I haven't heard. All I can say is "I don't feel maternal" or "I don't think I have the patience" or "I just don't have the desire", but I always, always have to add "but I might change my mind, like you said". Hmp, it's a draining dance, especially since it's NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS. I love and respect my parents, but it's not their call.

Just a perspective from the other side.
No I wasn't trying to be obnoxious! Sorry, if I came across that way. But it wouldn't be truthful of me to say that I am indifferent as to whether or not my kids have children...Of course I have hopes and dreams for my kids.

In truth, my children are one of my greatest joys. But I totally understand how another person may find their own joy elsewhere.

What works well for one person, might not work so well for another. Don't ever let anyone (parents included) put you on the defensive for saying and doing what is right for you. It is your life.
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Old 01-24-2012, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,100,922 times
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I would of course be sad, I have only one child, so if she decided not to have kids I would be upset. With that said, I would have to respect his/her decision.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:02 AM
 
15,208 posts, read 16,101,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
I would of course be sad, I have only one child, so if she decided not to have kids I would be upset. With that said, I would have to respect his/her decision.
Me too. I'd do my best to keep any disappointment to myself.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,594 posts, read 2,552,789 times
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FIne by me. Their life, their decision.
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Old 01-24-2012, 09:39 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,770,202 times
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Never say never. My husband and I were childless into our early forties. We didn't want kids for a long time, then started trying with no luck. A bout of chemo pretty much wiped out my ability in my 30's so it was a moot point. I think that my dad was accepting (my mom is deceased). My in-laws were disappointed for sure since both hubby and I are only children. I never was pressured other than a comment or two from my MIL like, "Will I ever be a grandmother?"

The adoption of our two wonderful kids changed our lives. With both of our cruddy genes, it doesn't break my heart one bit that I couldn't have my own.

If my kids told me that they never wanted kids, I would adopt that wait and see attitude. Desires can change dramatically over the years and you never know what life will throw at you.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,170,037 times
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Wouldn't have a problem with it.

It's not a child's duty to provide grandchildren. It's a child's duty to grow up and become their own person. If that means a child-free life, then that's his or her prerogative.
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