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Old 01-25-2012, 09:11 AM
6 posts, read 8,863 times
Reputation: 14


Hello All,
I am a full time student/stay at home of my 2 year old daughter and married to my high school sweetheart. My husband and I lived in Arizona over four years ago, and long story short ended up back in toledo ohio. My husbands parents, grandparents, siblings and a couple cousins all still live in az, but my whole family is here in Toledo. Well Toledo just seems to be getting worse and worse these days. Of course every place has its downfalls, but seriously the grey skies all the time are driving me crazy. We have talked about going back to AZ and I would love to raise my daughter there, its beautiful, always sunny, and I just have a feeling it would be a better life for us.
Then theres the thought of leaving my family, mainly my parents, my daughter's best friends really. She adores my parents and they her. My husbands family in AZ are not really a big part of her life, she really has no clue who they are. Is it wrong of me to take her away from my parents and all her family here in Ohio? Its so difficult she is my parents only grandchild and I am having a lot of doubts, but then I feel like if I stay here I will regret it. My parents get really upset every time I talk about it, and my in-laws are just encouraging us more and more to move out there. Shes young enough to adjust to a new life in AZ, but is that the right thing to do really? take away everything that she knows, just for a little sunshine? She comes first and unfortunaltey she cant really tell me what she wants yet so this is where I stand, totally confused and doubtful.
Thankfully I have a loving husdand who says life will be great wherever we go because we have eachother, and hes willing to stay in toledo for me even though he hates it here. Sorry for all the ranting, and if this post is all jumbled together I just needed to get all my frustration out instead of always whining to my husband, any input would be helpful. Thank You

Old 01-25-2012, 09:54 AM
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
Reputation: 31051
I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you what we did and how I feel about it now. I felt very similar to the way you feel. We had a 1 and a 3 year old, and lived in my home town near all of our family.

The weather was awful. The air quality was awful. My son was sick all the time. We were in the "2 income trap" where I had to keep working, at least part time to afford the house we were in. Although we were doing fine, it is an economically depressed area. I just knew it wasn't the best place to raise the kids, and I felt it was "now or never", as I probably wouldn't have wanted to move after they started school.

We did it. We picked up and moved 1000 miles away to a place where we didn't know anyone. To say my mom had a hard time with it would be a major understatement. It has been 5 years, and I'm so glad we did it. We're all healthier. We downsized the house a little, so I have been able to stay home with the kids for the last 5 years. The sky is blue, the sun is out, even in the winter. Meanwhile, the area we're from is near the top of every "worst place" list that comes out.

Of course there are times when I really miss having the grandparents nearby. But we've had some great vacations with both of our families, that we never would have taken if we still lived close. Even though it is not ideal being far away from all of our family, I feel like we've given our kids a better childhood, and hopefully live in a place that they'll like enough to want to live as adults. I'm glad we did it. Good luck with your decision.
Old 01-25-2012, 11:19 AM
14,777 posts, read 34,525,274 times
Reputation: 14278
In these situations, I think that you need to do what's best for you and your husband. Doing that is what is naturally best for your daughter. If you and your husband, think this is the best move to make, your daughter will adjust just fine.
Old 01-25-2012, 01:34 PM
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,590,043 times
Reputation: 35874
I've never been a believer in agonizing over decisions. You have presented a logical set of justifications for either of your choices. Whether you stay or whether you move, you are going to be half right and half wrong, so dedicate your mental and emotional energies to making the best of whichever choice it comes down to.

Try this: Toss a coin. If you then say, umm, let's go for two out of three, you will know that you have already decided in your heart which it is that you want to do.

Clearly, it would be easier to stay in Toledo, moving is a total pain in the butt. So, personally, I'd be inclined to make the easy choice. You have the power to make sure your daughter is brought up properly and gets a well-grounded education, regardless of the externals. Stand up to that challenge, and don't let the rest of the world get in your way, and she'll be fine.
Old 01-25-2012, 04:48 PM
3,269 posts, read 8,725,948 times
Reputation: 2003
It depends - why did you move from AZ four years ago?
Old 01-25-2012, 07:04 PM
Location: IN
20,170 posts, read 34,503,731 times
Reputation: 12508
Choose Denver, CO metro area instead. MUCH better than just about anywhere in Arizona!!!

Denver CO> Just about ANYWHERE in Ohio. Nothing against Ohio, but it is a very poorly run state with big air pollution problems.
Old 01-26-2012, 10:28 AM
6 posts, read 8,863 times
Reputation: 14
Thanks for the responses. To be honest Im not really sure what brought us back to ohio a few ago, our lease was up on our home and we just decided to come home.
@KibbieKat.. im so glad you shared your story because its nice to know that people out there have been somewhat in the same situation and did and made and their happy about the choice they made. I need to what is best for my family and as long as we are together we will be fine!
Ohio is definitely a poorly run state, and we Love Denver Co it is beautiful there, but since his family is in AZ and we still have a lot of friends there we think it would be the best choice so we wouldnt be completely alone. I think our decision is made everyone so thank you all for taking the time to read this over and give your input
Old 01-26-2012, 10:35 AM
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,621 posts, read 11,181,911 times
Reputation: 6595
Move to Arizona for the better weather and go to your parents' house for Christmas or other holidays. That's what my parents did. I only saw my mother's side of the family once a year at Christmas. We lived in Connecticut with my father's mother and my mother's parents lived in upstate NY.
Old 04-04-2014, 08:29 PM
1 posts, read 1,079 times
Reputation: 10
What did you end up deciding? I'm basically in the same situation. 23, our son just turned two and we're thinking of moving to California from Rochester, NY (also a hell hole) but my whole family is so close and nobody has ever moved a couple hours, let alone across the country. I'd love to hear how your situation ended up...
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