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Verbal abuse is not allowed in my house and my kids know certain words like the "n" word are just as much off limits as the "f" word. They know they won't like the consequences and they know what the consequences are. What worked for me and my siblings works for my kids -- literally washing their mouth out with soap for the very abusive language. If a son calls the daughter a "b-i-t-c-h", for example it's serious enough for that. They are told next time it's bleach but there is never a next time. After the first time they have been known to call each other a "bee" and they know they can use "bee".
And it's worse today than in the past -- if a child uses abusive language at school even if the parents are very lax about language, the school will come down very hard to the point of suspension. Schools here have a zero tolerance on sexual harassment for example -- including using anti-gay slurs, racist slurs, and very vulgar terms like calling girls the "c" word. I think parents shouldn't tell their kids it's okay to use these words at all.
I've not done this myself, but I know someone who has and says it worked like a charm on a couple of young boys.
When she had trouble she made them sit down on the floor beside her and repeat the word as non stop as she could for 5 full minutes. She said that by the time they had said it that many times and for that long a time they did not have any desire to say it again....at least not in her care.
Take EVERYTHING. If you TOLD him not to say it and he is continuing it's an issue of disrespect and defiance. Tad every toy and electronic away. Let him start earning them back a bit at a time AFTER 2 days, everyday that he doesn't disrespect others (the people he's calling these names) , you (his parent that guided him properly), and himself (degrading people with those words and disrespecting your parents shows that you are uncaring) give back a few items all the while explaining that next time he'll wait double time to even start earning and a (important!!!!) item will be donated to charity for a respectful child EVERYTIME he does this again. Then FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!
As for blaming the kids he supposedly learner it from.....NO NO NO! Worst thing ever! Teach your kid personal accountability instead. Best thing you could ever do. If you teach him at 7 yrs old that disrespecting and defying rules isn't his own fault you're in for it later on! We are all responsible for our own behavior and decisions!!!!
Every Friday is cuss day in our house. My kids great-grandparents actually started this years ago. We cuss on Fridays and it is so fun! We even make up our own cuss words. The rest of the week if you say a bad word you get in trouble, but Friday you can cuss like a sailor. UNLESS we have friends or people over, or we are riding in a car with people. But as long as it's just us at home or in the car, we can say all the bad words we want to. It's actually been a really fun way to relieve a lot of anxiety and stress and tension as a family together. We end up laughing so hard our stomachs hurt sometimes.
There have been a few times I or my husband have slipped and said a bad word when it wasn't Friday. My hubby cussed at a very rude driver, I cussed when my hand got slammed in the car door... the kids called us out on it. "You said a bad word and it's not Friday!" Boy we were in trouble!
I don't think our kids have ever slipped. At least I've never caught them. They are 16 and 12 now, we have been doing this for years - since oldest was in about the 3rd or 4th grade.
Well I guess I am the only one who sees a real difference between using the "n" word and cursing.
Many little kids who are not particularly verbal will curse as a way to express that they are angry. When you teach them other ways to express that they are angry and show them they are being heard then it usually goes away. But the "n" word is a word of hate and not anger. I think it is really important to differentiate any racially derogatory terms from curses as they are not remotely the same.
I would be very concerned if I were the OP because peers usually have the greater influence by the teen years than parents but not at 7.
Well I guess I am the only one who sees a real difference between using the "n" word and cursing.
Many little kids who are not particularly verbal will curse as a way to express that they are angry. When you teach them other ways to express that they are angry and show them they are being heard then it usually goes away. But the "n" word is a word of hate and not anger. I think it is really important to differentiate any racially derogatory terms from curses as they are not remotely the same.
I would be very concerned if I were the OP because peers usually have the greater influence by the teen years than parents but not at 7.
The "n" word is not the only hate word. I think when a little boy calls a girl the "c" word it can be just as bad, or if kids tell the parents to "f"-off, it's complete disrespect for the parents which is a kind of hate. Anti-gay slurs are actually viewed by many as a form of bullying -- a kid picking on another child by calling him all the anti-gay slur words can do real damage, calling some girl at school a "s-lut" is just as bad as calling a family member that. If the parents teach that these are just cute words to throw at people, how is the child to know better? Verbal abuse does not have to be accepted.
My first thought is that in a 7 year-old this is a behavioral issue. He should be disciplined for this behavior as he would be any other undesirable behavior.
I also agree that the use of the "n" word is abhorrent, and intolerable. Any hate speech is abhorrent.
I live in a conservative area, and there is zero tolerance for bad language at my children's school, even words such as "damn" and "hell" will result in disciplinary action, so we have to have a zero tolerance for that at home too, even though I don't personally think those words are a big deal. In my personal opinion intent is also important, but that's a difficult concept to explain to a 7 year-old.
Last edited by Zimbochick; 01-27-2012 at 06:48 AM..
Well I guess I am the only one who sees a real difference between using the "n" word and cursing.
Many little kids who are not particularly verbal will curse as a way to express that they are angry. When you teach them other ways to express that they are angry and show them they are being heard then it usually goes away. But the "n" word is a word of hate and not anger. I think it is really important to differentiate any racially derogatory terms from curses as they are not remotely the same.
I would be very concerned if I were the OP because peers usually have the greater influence by the teen years than parents but not at 7.
This is a good point. Our oldest is the only one who swears, and she curbs her language around her grandparents, teachers, etc. I sometimes curse but usually not at people, and I always watch it around strangers, people in authority, etc. Our daughter follows our example. I would be very shocked and disappointed if she used the n-word or other hateful, derogatory words like f****t.
EDITED: Oh wait. The youngest has used a milder curse word on occasion, like damn. We've told him simply that those words are not for kids. He still thinks "stupid" is "the s-word."
As a parent, i try not to make a big deal out of it, like so many posters say here, when they are with their buddies, who knows....but i dont tollerate it around me or other adults, i tell them it just isnt nice.
but my sons know all the Greek bad words and I have overhead them say them to thier buddies, and they (buddies) have not a clue.....I have to laugh to myself, it is comical.
fortunetely in our family, aunts uncles cousins and all, we don't curse hardly ever, we just don't.
Well I guess I am the only one who sees a real difference between using the "n" word and cursing.
Many little kids who are not particularly verbal will curse as a way to express that they are angry. When you teach them other ways to express that they are angry and show them they are being heard then it usually goes away. But the "n" word is a word of hate and not anger. I think it is really important to differentiate any racially derogatory terms from curses as they are not remotely the same.
I would be very concerned if I were the OP because peers usually have the greater influence by the teen years than parents but not at 7.
So the young black boys and girls using it must really hate each other then huh?
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