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Old 01-27-2012, 11:26 AM
 
33 posts, read 91,974 times
Reputation: 63

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Our daughter aged 12 is having issues at school, this year she is turned into a loner. She has friends outside of school and can interact with others nicely, but for some reason at school she has no friends. She's never been the most outgoing, but this year it seems much worse. For example we now notice that at morning drop-off she will stand by herself while all other kids talk in circles.

When asked, she says she is miserable going to school because she has no friends. The only thing she gives when we ask into it is that "no one talks to me".

I was very shy as a child, which stemmed from suffocating insecurities I had. She however doesn't otherwise seem to have alot of those. She's a straight A student, is extremely intelligent and mature, and is very accomplished as far as having been active and done well in various sports and activities. So we're at a loss as to what might be going on, and if she has a "shell", why. Other than being a "tween", and also having a moderate case of acne (which she's never indicated bothers her that much), we need to figure what's causing this.

We'd like to seek professional counseling, but have never done this before. It's too important to me to just open the yellow pages and throw a dart. Can anyone advise on how to find/select a good counselor? Are there specific certification/methodology, interviewing tips, etc.

Thanks for any help.
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,788,166 times
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I'm just curious if you have spoken to her teachers or the school counsellors about this? Is this her first year of middle scool?
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Old 01-27-2012, 11:58 AM
 
33 posts, read 91,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
I'm just curious if you have spoken to her teachers or the school counsellors about this? Is this her first year of middle scool?
She has seen the school counseler once last month. The counselor said she appeared normal although seemed to have some anxieties/shyness about this new school.

We are going back in next week to talk to teachers and counselor further.
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Old 01-27-2012, 01:40 PM
 
Location: So Ca
13,861 posts, read 13,539,572 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyfamily1912d View Post
We'd like to seek professional counseling...Can anyone advise on how to find/select a good counselor?
It sounds like typical middle school adjustment to me. However, if you don't think so, get a referral from your doctor, her pediatrician, her school principal or counselor. You want someone who has some experience with adolescent girls.

FWIW, the newest issue of Time magazine has "The Power of Shyness" as its cover article this week.
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Old 01-27-2012, 01:50 PM
 
452 posts, read 699,333 times
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Is she involved in any school activities? If no, maybe she needs to be ask here if there are any school activities she is interested in and check with the counselor. If she is involved in school activities then ask the school counselor if they have any names that might be able to help..it maybe the teen years starting and hormones kicking in. Another thing you may want to check is with your church to see about counseling through there. We all want to belong but it sounds like she may need a little help trying to find where she fits in.......
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Old 01-27-2012, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
17,354 posts, read 3,528,493 times
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Not to worry you, but when I was her age, I had precisely the same issues. It was chalked up to shyness too.

MANY years/tears later, I was found to have had childhood> adult depression/social anxiety....all of which responded extremely well to meds.

OH HOW I WISH MY PARENTS HAD PRESSED ENOUGH TO FIND THE TRUE ISSUE...so many painful years lost...

Best wishes
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Old 01-27-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,025,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyfamily1912d View Post
Our daughter aged 12 is having issues at school, this year she is turned into a loner. She has friends outside of school and can interact with others nicely, but for some reason at school she has no friends. She's never been the most outgoing, but this year it seems much worse. For example we now notice that at morning drop-off she will stand by herself while all other kids talk in circles.

When asked, she says she is miserable going to school because she has no friends. The only thing she gives when we ask into it is that "no one talks to me".

I was very shy as a child, which stemmed from suffocating insecurities I had. She however doesn't otherwise seem to have alot of those. She's a straight A student, is extremely intelligent and mature, and is very accomplished as far as having been active and done well in various sports and activities. So we're at a loss as to what might be going on, and if she has a "shell", why. Other than being a "tween", and also having a moderate case of acne (which she's never indicated bothers her that much), we need to figure what's causing this.

We'd like to seek professional counseling, but have never done this before. It's too important to me to just open the yellow pages and throw a dart. Can anyone advise on how to find/select a good counselor? Are there specific certification/methodology, interviewing tips, etc.

Thanks for any help.

I am so sorry for how your daughter is suffering!

While some type of counseling may indeed be beneficial, it's also important to know that lack of confidence only adds to this problem.

So even though she may not be complaining to you about the acne - it could indeed be making her very self-conscious, which will rob her of her self-confidence.

If you haven't already done so, get her to the dermatologist ASAP.

Oh, and you want to check with her pediatrician for a recommendation to a particular therapist who works with pre-teen and teen girls.

Best of luck!
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Old 01-27-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Eastern PA
1,263 posts, read 4,284,220 times
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I understand your concerns and definitely feel that counseling would help. When my older son needed a counselor, we got recommendations from our pastor, from the school counselors, and from our family doctor, and then I "interviewed" the prospective counselors to find the best fit that would also accept our insurance. It was fairly difficult finding someone who enjoyed working with a teen, but the counseling proved very successful. The above-noted process took me at least a month from research until first appointment, so I encourage you to begin at once.

I concur with seeing a dermatologist as well. Acne can really contribute to self esteem issues, especially with girls.

Another thing that makes my son feel better about himself is exercise. He has Asperger's and prefers an individual sport such as running or cycling. Even though he doesn't participate in anything organized, he is strong and fit. Exercise has been like a natural antidepressant for him So I would encourage you to find something your daughter enjoys and maybe even do it with her (hiking, cycling, etc.)
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Old 01-27-2012, 06:15 PM
 
4,829 posts, read 4,805,492 times
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You cannot talk trivial BS to your daughter without "counselors"? I have a crystal ball telling me what "counselors" would have to say on the matter. You don't have to be a second Freud to spew that psycho bubble, sure you must have smooth, "caring" personality to go with that. As somebody already suggested consider psychotropic drugs to medicate your daughter into forever happy, zomboid state, knock her reservations down. That's surely would help. Gosh, I'm already depressed by reading all of this, I should pop my Prozac bottle open, ASAP.

She doesn't have friends. What do you mean by that word "friend"? She doesn't have a real close friend (most people don't, she better get used to that) or she doesn't have anybody to talk to? Why do you think shyness is a culprit if she function just fine outside of the school?

Last edited by RememberMee; 01-27-2012 at 06:24 PM..
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Old 01-27-2012, 06:27 PM
 
12,422 posts, read 14,547,993 times
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I agree with RememberMee...your daughter's getting great grades...is very mature and intelligent.....I think it would work itself out...without exposing her to a strangers opinions, or worse...drugs.
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