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Old 02-02-2012, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Springfield, Ohio
11,792 posts, read 9,712,347 times
Reputation: 10797

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In light of yet another high-profile sexual molestation case, I feel this is a must-read for all parents & caretakers:

Quote:
You're a thief—a con artist. You recently met an elderly widow with a good-sized bank account fueled by pension and dividend checks. In sharp contrast, your own financial engine is running on fumes. You decide to take her money.

So you befriend the lady. You run small errands for her. You buy her gifts. You listen to her stories and you comfort her when she feels lonely. You put your arm around her and tell her you understand her problems. You spend time with her each day. You tell her she's special. You gain her trust. Her natural suspicion disappears.

Only then does the conversation shift to money. You tell her about a tremendous investment opportunity. You offer her a chance to share in this special event. If she's curious, you play on that curiosity. You answer her questions and downplay her fears.

And your work pays off. She trusts you. She signs the check.

Three minutes after her bank opens, you're in the wind, cash in hand and ready to target your next victim.

But what if you're a child molester—a predator? What if the object of your desire isn't the widow's bank account, but her six-year-old grandson? What steps will you take to get what you want?

Not much will change. A predator will identify and engage his victim. He'll gain the child's trust, break down his defenses, and manipulate him into performing or permitting the desired sex act. If necessary, the predator will gain access to the child by employing the same techniques with the child's parent or adult caretaker.

The process is called grooming. It increases the predator's access to his victim and decreases the likelihood of discovery.
Grooming Children for Sexual Molestation by Gregory M. Weber : The Zero 5.0laf - The Official Website of Andrew Vachss
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
930 posts, read 1,576,387 times
Reputation: 1487
Are there no female molesters?
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
1,917 posts, read 6,304,971 times
Reputation: 1957
Thanks for posting this. A good reminder for me to discuss this with my two boys.
It's better for them to be very well informed than to be naive about this horrible thing.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:39 AM
 
3,517 posts, read 5,443,013 times
Reputation: 5566
Quote:
Originally Posted by AJBarney View Post
Are there no female molesters?
There are, but I don't think anywhere near as many. I saw a special on E! about teachers who molest their students (and am too lazy to look up the names of the specific cases covered) and one of the stories was of a high school gym coach who molested one of her female students. She was a friend of the family, came over for dinner often, and no one expected a thing until the sexual assault had been going on for quite some time.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:41 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,616,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJBarney View Post
Are there no female molesters?
There are but the number reported is lower. The FBI thinks the number of female molesters is much higher but for 2 reasons the reporting is not done. In sexual crimes involving women people seem to be less likely to actually file a report. And 2 in the cases where females are caught their victims tend to be around toddler ages. Meaning the signs you would normally notice with an older child you sweep under the rug because all 3 year old have tantrums,wet the bed,have problems sleeping etc etc etc. A young child is less likely to be verbal enough to explain what has happened to them.
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:44 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,616,814 times
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Parents should also stress that its not just strangers that abuse. In fact most often abuse is interfamilial. And while the child you taught not to talk to strangers or about the man in the trenchcaot handing out candy will avoid those type of people, they will not understand that aunt helen or uncle bob doing it is just as wrong. It's pretty common for parents to be stunned over this too because they often will speak to their kids about the stranger molester.

Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 02-02-2012 at 12:22 PM..
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Old 02-02-2012, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,632,813 times
Reputation: 46995
the thing about this california grade school teacher is that parents have been complaining about him since the 1990s. Can you imagine the guilt these parents who refused to take their children seriously are feeling?

He made the kids feel like it was a game and is pictured smiling and laughing in these 400 plus pornographic pictures. I swear, sometimes I feel like I don't want to let my kids step outside the house.

They are 9 now and just yesterday begged to walk all the way to school together. I usually drive them to where a big gaggle of neighborhood kids walk but I did let them walk yesterday. They made it fine of course but I did worry. It is so hard to be a good parent without going overboard with precaution.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:21 PM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,809,237 times
Reputation: 5865
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
the thing about this california grade school teacher is that parents have been complaining about him since the 1990s. Can you imagine the guilt these parents who refused to take their children seriously are feeling?

He made the kids feel like it was a game and is pictured smiling and laughing in these 400 plus pornographic pictures. I swear, sometimes I feel like I don't want to let my kids step outside the house.

They are 9 now and just yesterday begged to walk all the way to school together. I usually drive them to where a big gaggle of neighborhood kids walk but I did let them walk yesterday. They made it fine of course but I did worry. It is so hard to be a good parent without going overboard with precaution.
It's hard not to be afraid. But we can't watch our kids 24/7 and we can't hover over our children and then expect them to be healthy, well adjusted, independent adults.

Things can happen no matter how careful and watchful a parent is. I took one of my kids to a martial arts class - I sat there and watched the class and talked with the other parents. During the middle of the class, the instructors would allow the kids to take a quick break - they would all go into a back room to get a drink of water from the water fountain and use the bathroom. Then they would all come right back out and class would resume.

A few months after that class ended I was stunned to read in the newspaper that one of those instructors had been arrested for molesting a child in that back room, although the incident(s) did not occur during a regular class and no parents were present at the time.

At any rate, it reinforced to me how important it is to talk with our kids about these dangers and what they should do if they were to ever find themselves in a bad situation.

Last edited by springfieldva; 02-02-2012 at 02:51 PM..
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:36 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,217,462 times
Reputation: 876
My DH thinks im slighty over sensitive about the molester subject. Im not obsessive about checking databases or other things like that but I definately get a little overly concerned about the people my son comes in contact with, and this report helps validate those concerns. Although it is something i should probably not have read, im looking at everyone now :/
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Ohio
11,792 posts, read 9,712,347 times
Reputation: 10797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
My DH thinks im slighty over sensitive about the molester subject. Im not obsessive about checking databases or other things like that but I definately get a little overly concerned about the people my son comes in contact with, and this report helps validate those concerns. Although it is something i should probably not have read, im looking at everyone now :/
You probably don't need to be obsessed over it, especially once they reach talking age...just use the pointers they give over what you tell your kids: where noone is allowed to touch, not taking any gifts from strangers, and never ever keep a secret for an adult (may ruin a birthday or Christmas, but wth).
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