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Old 02-03-2012, 12:25 PM
 
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Just a curious question for all parents. Do you feel threatened if your child or teen becomes close to another adult, even if it's an adult you trust? If so, why and if not, why? Do you think that children should be close to adults in their lives and have a bit of a support group outside the immediate family provided that the adults in question do not have ill intentions?

My mom and one of my uncles get mad about how close my brother and my cousin are to my other uncle and his wife. My brother, now in his early 20s tends to get close to the families of his friends and girlfriends and my mom mocks him about it and calls them "his other family". This type of thing has always seemed to be an issue with our mother. Is this normal/natural parent behavior and feelings, or is it unhealthy? Thoughts/experiences?
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:34 PM
 
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I learned a lot about parenting from my high school boyfriend's family. I'm close to my parents but I really liked the way that his family ate and cooked together every night. His mom and I became very close and I'm still grateful for that relationship.

My mom is very close to one of her friend's daughters. She was younger than my sister and I and I think my mom was having a little empty nest syndrome and she enjoyed taking this girl shopping and became kind of a confidant for her. The "girl" is now around 30 and still cherishes a friendship with my mom, especially since her own mom died a few years ago.

I think healthy relationships with adults outside your immediate family are immensely valuable. No family is perfect and learning from other people is beneficial. I would never be jealous of a positive influence in my child's life.
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Kansas
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I would been concerned about my children if they would have had a "close" relationship with another adult and I would have made darn sure about what was going on. I think if you want to instill your morals and values that other adults could bend this out of shape. How many times do you see in the news that something has happened to a child "visiting" a neighbor. Children should spend time with close relatives when you know you aren't dealing with the "funny" uncle or grandpa, grandma or aunt, etc. and with peers and their own family. An adult that goes out of their way to make friends with children? I would watch out for that.
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
I think healthy relationships with adults outside your immediate family are immensely valuable. No family is perfect and learning from other people is beneficial. I would never be jealous of a positive influence in my child's life.
That's how I'd feel too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
Children should spend time with close relatives when you know you aren't dealing with the "funny" uncle or grandpa, grandma or aunt, etc. and with peers and their own family. An adult that goes out of their way to make friends with children? I would watch out for that.
I can understand that for sure. In my family in particular, my mom and uncle have thought that my other uncle and aunt were trying to "parent" my brother and cousin and my mom has thought that about some of my brothers' friends' parents as well.
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Old 02-03-2012, 12:56 PM
 
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I think all children should have a favored adult that isn't a parent, especially during the teen years. For girls maybe a favorite aunt that you can shop with, tell things to that you might not want to tell your parents, etc. Sometime that favored adult is a coach, teacher, etc. It doesn't mean something illegal is going on, and how awful that everyone's first though goes that direction. I had a family friend that was "that" for me and it was nice to always have someone that just liked you and didn't care if your room was clean or not .
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:06 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,376,861 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Just a curious question for all parents. Do you feel threatened if your child or teen becomes close to another adult, even if it's an adult you trust? If so, why and if not, why? Do you think that children should be close to adults in their lives and have a bit of a support group outside the immediate family provided that the adults in question do not have ill intentions?

My mom and one of my uncles get mad about how close my brother and my cousin are to my other uncle and his wife. My brother, now in his early 20s tends to get close to the families of his friends and girlfriends and my mom mocks him about it and calls them "his other family". This type of thing has always seemed to be an issue with our mother. Is this normal/natural parent behavior and feelings, or is it unhealthy? Thoughts/experiences?

My daughter is 4 months old and I would be very hurt if I wasnt her favorite person. But I am
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
I think all children should have a favored adult that isn't a parent, especially during the teen years. For girls maybe a favorite aunt that you can shop with, tell things to that you might not want to tell your parents, etc. Sometime that favored adult is a coach, teacher, etc. It doesn't mean something illegal is going on, and how awful that everyone's first though goes that direction. I had a family friend that was "that" for me and it was nice to always have someone that just liked you and didn't care if your room was clean or not .
Yes exactly. I think we're limiting our kids if we only allow them a relationship with adults in their immediate family.
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:38 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,495,487 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I would been concerned about my children if they would have had a "close" relationship with another adult and I would have made darn sure about what was going on. I think if you want to instill your morals and values that other adults could bend this out of shape. How many times do you see in the news that something has happened to a child "visiting" a neighbor. Children should spend time with close relatives when you know you aren't dealing with the "funny" uncle or grandpa, grandma or aunt, etc. and with peers and their own family. An adult that goes out of their way to make friends with children? I would watch out for that.
Well yes, I would be aware of the relationship but if you think you can control every moral and value your child is exposed to...I think you're kidding yourself. And I would be careful about being paranoid, most people are good and we're not talking about long hours at the adult friend's home...more shopping trips or a trip to Starbucks between a teen and an adult.

I have older neighbors that we're very close to, I have zero problem with them taking my kids to grandparents day (our parents live far away) or taking them to the movies occasionally. It takes a village.
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Old 02-03-2012, 01:56 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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Threatened?... nope!
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Old 02-03-2012, 02:38 PM
 
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My son has a very close relationship his grandfather, my FIL. There have been times, especially when he was younger that I did feel little pangs of jealousy when my son would pick Pop-Pop to do things with over me. Overall though, I think that relatioship has been very important for my son. His Pop-Pop has been his FRIEND and a mentor, while I have been his FATHER and a mentor. My FIL and I have also worked, without ever really talking about it, to reinforce each others position.

Of course my son and I have found "our" things and those tend to be different from "their" things. Overall, that relationship is very important to my son and I am very glad he has it.
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