U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-06-2012, 10:15 AM
 
3,287 posts, read 4,941,472 times
Reputation: 6046

Advertisements

Unless she has dementia or something like that, she does not get a pass on this just because she is old. Sit her down and tell her what you told us. Let her know that you won't put up with it any more.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-06-2012, 10:15 AM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,756,384 times
Reputation: 31051
I can see my mom becoming this way as she ages. She is very critical, but she has good qualities too. I hope this isn't the one that comes out as she loses her filter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
930 posts, read 1,577,471 times
Reputation: 1487
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eeyore1 View Post
I don't want her to die alone and cut off from her family.
You will not "break the code" on this issue until you accept in your heart that the above decision is hers to make, not yours.



I speak from sad experience on this. Multiple experiences, in fact.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,695,861 times
Reputation: 11309
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.

Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?

If adults criticize me, I'm always like..... okay, fair opinion, one chocolate chip cookie, two senior pancakes, sugar free syrup pour vous, praise the Lord, now get the F out I still love you Pappy/Mommy <muah>
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 12:09 PM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,948,214 times
Reputation: 2585
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.
I don't think so. Being overly critical is bound to do more harm than good no matter what age you are, hence the word "overly" in the first place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?
I disagree with this also. It's implying that being a full-grown adult means you are perfect and have no need for further improvement. I think we should all listen to people's criticism, except in cases like these where the person is being OVERLY critical (here, we can only take the OP's word for it that the criticism is uncalled for). It's just another route to learning. And not learning means being less effective. I think most "bad parents", for example, are people who shut out criticism of their parenting on the grounds that "It's my kid. I'll do what I want!"

Lastly, I think it speaks of more insecurity to reject criticism. If you are really so sure that what you're doing is right, you should be able to explain it to someone with little effort. Who knows, you might in turn educate THEM and make the world a better place. Why would someone fear criticism unless they're worried they'll have some flaw in their thinking exposed?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,695,861 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
I don't think so. Being overly critical is bound to do more harm than good no matter what age you are, hence the word "overly" in the first place.



I disagree with this also. It's implying that being a full-grown adult means you are perfect and have no need for further improvement. I think we should all listen to people's criticism, except in cases like these where the person is being OVERLY critical (here, we can only take the OP's word for it that the criticism is uncalled for). It's just another route to learning. And not learning means being less effective. I think most "bad parents", for example, are people who shut out criticism of their parenting on the grounds that "It's my kid. I'll do what I want!"

Lastly, I think it speaks of more insecurity to reject criticism. If you are really so sure that what you're doing is right, you should be able to explain it to someone with little effort. Who knows, you might in turn educate THEM and make the world a better place. Why would someone fear criticism unless they're worried they'll have some flaw in their thinking exposed?
Success in life depends on how thick your skin is in preventing people from getting under it. That's pretty much about it.

You continue to let people under your skin, even parents, you have a long, worrisome life ahead, like the OP. My Mom or late Dad never did anything of that sort after I became an out-of-the-house adult. If they were to, it would be validated for intrinsic value and if there is no intrinsic value and it's just blunt, meaningless criticism, it enters one ear and leaves the other. I'm not gonna sit and worry about it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 03:51 PM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,948,214 times
Reputation: 2585
I'm not suggesting that we put up with people who are going too far in their criticism. But a little of it here or there can only help us, if we are rational-minded about it. True that parents should ease up on the criticism when their kids move out of the house. But actually, I think they should start easing up beforehand so it's a smooth transition from being told almost everything to having to do it all on your own.

Either way, what should be said and how depends on what's being done and why.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2012, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,095 posts, read 37,751,245 times
Reputation: 73780
If a parent is only spewing critical comments, stemming from low self-esteem, then they are leaving out the "love" part of the equation.

Regardless of whether you're a kid or a grown-*ss man, it is wrong.

Kids who don't understand the problem grow up to question their own emotions and without knowing how to love unconditionally.

Adults who do understand the problem miss out on a loving relationship with their parents, and live with only a shallow, surface relationship supposedly letting comments go "in one ear and out the other." It's not really a relationship at all. I wouldn't want a marriage like that.

Of course, sometimes your family is not the one you're born into, but the one you choose. If you're an adult, that is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-08-2012, 12:53 AM
 
8,021 posts, read 6,230,331 times
Reputation: 12004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.

Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?

If adults criticize me, I'm always like..... okay, fair opinion, one chocolate chip cookie, two senior pancakes, sugar free syrup pour vous, praise the Lord, now get the F out I still love you Pappy/Mommy <muah>
For some yes. Some people have thick skin others don't tat's just the way it is. Some people also have strong guilt complexes. If you had good parents who sacrificed a lot to raise you then it's hard to just tune them out one day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top