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Old 02-06-2012, 09:47 AM
 
22,769 posts, read 25,337,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
Someone I know is single and was pushing 40. Her "clock" was ticking or more like pounding. She really wanted a baby so she did the artificial insemination thing. No one asked if it was through a donor clinic or someone she knew because that's her business. She's a very strong willed person so I know she doesn't need a man in her life to raise a baby. She's financially stable so money isn't a problem. I don't judge. You should do what you feel is right and what makes you complete. If you can handle a baby financially and emotionally without needing a father, then I commend you.
I take a different view. In my view, women cannot be a substitute father. Regardless of how capable she is of being a mother, a woman is doing the child a disservice by choosing to raise it without a father.

I feel quite a bit of enmity toward women who choose to raise a kid without a father. Morally speaking, that's up there with child abuse... something I feel its important for society to cast shame on, for the sake of the poor child who has no control over the matter.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:48 AM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,924,285 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
That is exactly the point - she can't. A mother cannot be a father, and a father cannot be a mother.
So I'm assuming (based on your logic) that child in a foster home is better off there then with a single, financial secure women who very much wants to be a mother?
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,385,366 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Ain't that much strong will in the world. My mom is THE strongest person I know, and she raised my brother and I without a father (he died when I was weeks old). And while she did the best she could, she couldn't fully raise us as men - she couldn't teach us how to live our lives as men. No woman can.
THIS is the truth some woman just do not want to accept.

And when they foolishly reject it, their children are the ones that suffer.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:49 AM
 
460 posts, read 552,045 times
Reputation: 741
Default Just don't

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leila1010 View Post
Let me quickly explain. Lately, I've been fantasizing about having a child or two. I have a very good career and a very stable middle class lifestyle, however, I am currently single and approaching 34. This baby thing is becoming an obsession. I fear that if I wait too long, I may become too old to have one naturally.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings? If so, what did you do?
Just don't do this!

I am that child. Thirty years ago my mother decided that she too wanted a baby. She was a successful, intelligent woman who didn't need a man to raise a child! So she picked an undeserving man to become the unsuspecting sperm donor.

I still resent her for that choice. I still resent having to face the world alone with no siblings and a huge burden of looking after her by myself. She never found a man to marry and she has become very needy. She thinks that I owe her my time since she raised me. She thinks that I should take time away from my own family (husband & kids) in order to entertain her. I can never meet her expectations, and, frankly, I resent her for neediness. It's not my fault she doesn't have a husband with whom she can spend her time. It's not my fault she has no real relationship with family members. She expects me to be her EVERYTHING and that's a role I can't fill.

Please don't do this to your child. Build your own relationships. A child is a lot of work and not just a cute accessory. I am married and have plenty of resources and my children still take a lot out of me. I can't imagine doing it alone. Stuff happens and children are born without fathers, but it shouldn't be done purposefully IMO.

All children deserve a father. My kids ADORE their father and he adores them. Look up the statistics of fatherless children. I am the exception to the rule in terms of outcome.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:50 AM
 
730 posts, read 1,977,065 times
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Do it. Most of my married friends are essentially single parents anyway
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,385,128 times
Reputation: 9273
Support the child - support that child - ! Why is it always about money...as long as she can support the child...so in other words money - will become the father - and if she does not have enough money the state will husband the woman and support the child...the state makes for a poor father that is more dead beat than can be imagined...Those who have a child without a protector (father) - will find in time that whether they like it or not - representatives of the state will act as the father...so who do you want as a mate ---the state - or a man that loves you and his child....question.



Also - in a donsumer driven society - fathers are percieved only as slavish providers of material and money...Oringially the term pope - or papa - or the term patron ---meant PROTECTOR...a fathers primary purpose is to protect ...If this woman believes she can keep the wolves away from the door with out having a male lion on hand - then good luck - YOU will be surprise how preditorial our system is - a man - is the only one that will truely love his son or daughter - not the state - and not some friend around the corner.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,332,096 times
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I see a lot of emphasis being put on the 2 parent households. Let's not forget about all the mothers and fathers who left their families for whatever reasons and kids grew up with one parent. What about women popping out kids with different fathers? Yes, some women made mistakes and many of these grew up just fine. There is no right or wrong answer here. I think many people are posting comments based on beliefs. If the OP is financially and emotionally able to have a child on her own, the kudos to her. It all depends on her personality. A lot of people are saying there should be a mother and father but are we also forgeting same sex households who adopt?
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
220 posts, read 492,696 times
Reputation: 336
This is part of a quote that I made on an "Elective Single Parenting" post on another forum.

"If one is in the mindset of wanting a child and they have the finances and support system from family and friends, then I would say YES!!

Being a single parent is hard at times. You have to make more sacrifices than you would if you had another parent there helping, but if one is invested in the child and his/her future, the sacrifices and hard times are well worth it.

Let me add that, IMO, it is better for a child to grow up in a positive and loving, single-parent home then to be in a 2-parent home where one or both of the parents is not a positive influence, or fully invested in the child."

For all of you yelling single parenting is not the way to go. Even if a child is born within wedlock, there is NO guarantee that that child will not end up being part of a single-parent home. Let's remember that the divorce rate is something like 60% these days.



Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...#ixzz1lcHbABN6
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,385,366 times
Reputation: 39694
Quote:
Originally Posted by southshorelady View Post
Just don't do this!

I am that child. Thirty years ago my mother decided that she too wanted a baby. She was a successful, intelligent woman who didn't need a man to raise a child! So she picked an undeserving man to become the unsuspecting sperm donor.

I still resent her for that choice. I still resent having to face the world alone with no siblings and a huge burden of looking after her by myself. She never found a man to marry and she has become very needy. She thinks that I owe her my time since she raised me. She thinks that I should take time away from my own family (husband & kids) in order to entertain her. I can never meet her expectations, and, frankly, I resent her for neediness. It's not my fault she doesn't have a husband with whom she can spend her time. It's not my fault she has no real relationship with family members. She expects me to be her EVERYTHING and that's a role I can't fill.

Please don't do this to your child. Build your own relationships. A child is a lot of work and not just a cute accessory. I am married and have plenty of resources and my children still take a lot out of me. I can't imagine doing it alone. Stuff happens and children are born without fathers, but it shouldn't be done purposefully IMO.

All children deserve a father. My kids ADORE their father and he adores them. Look up the statistics of fatherless children. I am the exception to the rule in terms of outcome.
OHMYGOSH - just close the thread now - THIS is the best post on it and can't be topped.

southshorelady - THANK YOU for trying to open the eyes of this woman to the reality of what she is contemplating.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:54 AM
 
460 posts, read 552,045 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by NOEM1226 View Post
Do it. Most of my married friends are essentially single parents anyway
That's ridiculous! Women complain about their husbands not doing their fair share, but they either picked poor husbands or make it impossible for their husbands to take care of their children in their own way (thus causing them to withdraw).
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