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Old 02-06-2012, 09:55 AM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,917,241 times
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I guess a lesbian couple is also completely inept and we should discount all of those women who want to raise children because there is no "father".
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:55 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,313,193 times
Reputation: 14511
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I see a lot of emphasis being put on the 2 parent households. Let's not forget about all the mothers and fathers who left their families for whatever reasons and kids grew up with one parent. What about women popping out kids with different fathers?
Those are both extremely unfortunate scenarios for the child.

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Yes, some women made mistakes and many of these grew up just fine. There is no right or wrong answer here.
Deliberately choosing to have a child, without a father, is morally wrong.

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I think many people are posting comments based on beliefs.
Yup.

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If the OP is financially and emotionally able to have a child on her own, the kudos to her. It all depends on her personality. A lot of people are saying there should be a mother and father but are we also forgeting same sex households who adopt?
I don't know enough about same-sex households to form an opinion. I'm not too keen on them, because I think a child needs a mother and a father. No one is claiming a two-parent household guarantees success, I just know that kids who grow up without fathers are at a severe disadvantage.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:56 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 1,788,014 times
Reputation: 2539
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
34 is very young.

Did it EVER occur to you that maybe you just aren't meant to be a mother if indeed Mr. Right doesn't show up soon?

Where did you get that entitlement mentality?
You know what? That is mean.

Women are done with buying into the notion that they have to sit around waiting for a man to make a baby for them. Pat on the head for you, lovesMountains,
if it worked out that way for you, but quite frankly, it is a tragic scenario for many women who long to become mothers and don't have a loving man on the scene. That's a fact.

OP, visit a fertility specialist and get advice on the best places to procure the "baby juice", and I wish you the best of luck. Don't wait too long, age 35 seems to be some kind of cut-off point in some areas.
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,319,159 times
Reputation: 9177
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
The problem with your "logic" is that EVERY baby needs a father whether the mom thinks so or not

What might be "right" for a woman could be very wrong for a child.

Oh, but I guess you come from the belief that children have no rights?
Excuse me??? Where do you come off? I see households with 2 POS parents who have no business having kids. People literally leaving their kids on the street so they can have a good time. Ever read a newspaper and see what kind of sick people are out there? What makes the OP any different that being in a relationship, getting pregnant, whether by choice or accident, and the guy leaves? A mother or father dies and one parent is left raising the other child. Where is YOUR logic? My cousin raised 2 boys on her own since she was 16. Both turned out to be perfectly well adjusted MEN. A baby needs a love.
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:00 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,313,193 times
Reputation: 14511
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration View Post
You know what? That is mean.

Women are done with buying into the notion that they have to sit around waiting for a man to make a baby for them. Pat on the head for you, lovesMountains,
if it worked out that way for you, but quite frankly, it is a tragic scenario for many women who long to become mothers and don't have a loving man on the scene. That's a fact.
LOL

Nevermind what's good for the child, it's all about making the woman happy, and providing a platform with which she can chastise men.
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:00 AM
 
460 posts, read 551,511 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by MzSJP View Post
This is part of a quote that I made on an "Elective Single Parenting" post on another forum.

"If one is in the mindset of wanting a child and they have the finances and support system from family and friends, then I would say YES!!

Being a single parent is hard at times. You have to make more sacrifices than you would if you had another parent there helping, but if one is invested in the child and his/her future, the sacrifices and hard times are well worth it.

Let me add that, IMO, it is better for a child to grow up in a positive and loving, single-parent home then to be in a 2-parent home where one or both of the parents is not a positive influence, or fully invested in the child."

For all of you yelling single parenting is not the way to go. Even if a child is born within wedlock, there is NO guarantee that that child will not end up being part of a single-parent home. Let's remember that the divorce rate is something like 60% these days.



Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/paren...#ixzz1lcHbABN6
There's a difference between being married and getting divorced than purposefully choosing single parenthood. At least married persons have good intentions. It also leaves a more favorable chance that the father will remain involved since he presumably wanted to be married and a father. At least children of divorce have the chance of having two parents. What the OP is contemplating is not anything like that!

Just because our society is messed up does not mean we should lower the standard to "anything goes." All prospective parents should shoot for the ideal situation. That may give us, as a community, a better chance of success when reality gets in the way.
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC area
607 posts, read 1,025,789 times
Reputation: 692
Quote:
Originally Posted by southshorelady View Post
Just don't do this!

I am that child. Thirty years ago my mother decided that she too wanted a baby. She was a successful, intelligent woman who didn't need a man to raise a child! So she picked an undeserving man to become the unsuspecting sperm donor.

I still resent her for that choice. I still resent having to face the world alone with no siblings and a huge burden of looking after her by myself. She never found a man to marry and she has become very needy. She thinks that I owe her my time since she raised me. She thinks that I should take time away from my own family (husband & kids) in order to entertain her. I can never meet her expectations, and, frankly, I resent her for neediness. It's not my fault she doesn't have a husband with whom she can spend her time. It's not my fault she has no real relationship with family members. She expects me to be her EVERYTHING and that's a role I can't fill.

Please don't do this to your child. Build your own relationships. A child is a lot of work and not just a cute accessory. I am married and have plenty of resources and my children still take a lot out of me. I can't imagine doing it alone. Stuff happens and children are born without fathers, but it shouldn't be done purposefully IMO.

All children deserve a father. My kids ADORE their father and he adores them. Look up the statistics of fatherless children. I am the exception to the rule in terms of outcome.

I'm an only child who raised by a single mom too. It wasn't on purpose, but because after my parents divorced, my dad bailed and I didn't see or hear from him for years at a time...and my mom didn't receive child support. I really wish I'd had a dad and it took me years (and some therapy) to get over it. But truthfully, I think I turned out ok. I'm well educated, responsible and fairly well adjusted. I do think a kid needs two parents though. My grandmother was my second parent and I think my life would have been a lot different (worse) if she hadn't been around to help my mom out. She took care of me when my mom had to work late, made dinner, picked me up from school when my mom couldn't and served as a balance - I don't know if that makes sense, but I think being an only child w/one parent, kids miss out on seeing all the interpersonal stuff that make close relationships work and since I lived with my mom and grandmother, it helped me a little with that.

My mom leans on my a lot since she's not married, but unlike the poster above, I'm not as angry about it. Sometimes it feels like a burden and I do envy my friends who don't have to worry so much about the financial and emotional well being of their parents b/c their parents have each other. But, I feel so thankful to have my relationship with my mom. We're really close and I'm so happy to be in a position where she can depend on me.

Best of luck in your decision, OP!
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,319,159 times
Reputation: 9177
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
I guess a lesbian couple is also completely inept and we should discount all of those women who want to raise children because there is no "father".
Exactly. Or the homosexual couple should be discounted because there is no "mother".
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,315,132 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
I guess a lesbian couple is also completely inept and we should discount all of those women who want to raise children because there is no "father".
Good point! Strangely enough, these same people on this thread who judge the OP will applaud them! Why? Because it's friggin' PC to do so!
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,558 posts, read 22,843,598 times
Reputation: 45460
I know a woman who went the artificial insemination route when she hit her mid-30s, because she wanted to be a mother and she didn't want to miss out on that. She was financially secure, and her family was supportive and nearby, and everything has worked out fantastically for her. Her son spent a lot of time with his cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents and when her son was 3 my friend met the man she's now married to. The OP should take stock of her situation and if she feels like she'll always regret not being a mother she should think of her options.
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