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Old 02-07-2012, 02:55 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,638 posts, read 50,868,608 times
Reputation: 60663

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I never said there was anything "wrong" with WANTING a baby.

Plenty of young women know the feeling. I know I did.

But what IS wrong is planning to bring one into this world without a father.

You may need to try to accept the fact that IF Mr. Right doesn't show up in the next 10 years that maybe you just weren't meant to be a mom, regardless of how good of one you think you might be.

It's not something EVERY women is really meant to do you know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Really?! Just because of that?
yes, really? That sounds like kind of a smug statement coming from someone who already IS a mom. Not very nice. "Well I was MEANT to be a mom...you apparently aren't."
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Old 02-07-2012, 03:09 PM
 
3,517 posts, read 5,463,367 times
Reputation: 5566
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I never said there was anything "wrong" with WANTING a baby.

Plenty of young women know the feeling. I know I did.

But what IS wrong is planning to bring one into this world without a father.

You may need to try to accept the fact that IF Mr. Right doesn't show up in the next 10 years that maybe you just weren't meant to be a mom, regardless of how good of one you think you might be.

It's not something EVERY women is really meant to do you know.
But what if she was meant to use artificial insemination, have a child, and then meet Mr. Right who is teaching her child's preschool? Or maybe he is a widower with a young child who she met only because their children played together in the sandbox? What if her Mr. Right is her obstetrician and they only met because she became pregnant by anonymous donor?!

Yeah, "fate" and "destiny" and "meant to be" are really immature approaches to making life decisions.
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Old 02-07-2012, 04:19 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,452,523 times
Reputation: 32249
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post
What if her Mr. Right is her obstetrician and they only met because she became pregnant by anonymous donor?!
Then she needs to run the other way because her doctor would be in a serious breech of medical ethics and this is a huge red flag on his character and value system.

Uless he leaves his practice and becomes a plumber. Which he is probably also qualified for.
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,401 posts, read 9,579,621 times
Reputation: 7421
To the original post:
I don't see a problem with having a child if you choose to now, without a father. Over half of marriages end in divorce so I don't know what the fuss is all about. It's not like your child will feel awkward when 1/2 of his friends parents are divorced and a few probably have a parent just like you. Kids are usually better at these things than adults.
You sound mature, you have a good job and you are of course fantasizing about having children. A lot of us did that, married or not. I think you would make at least as good a mom if not way better than someone who got married, has no job skills and popped out a couple only to get divorced and live on nothing and there are plenty of those.
It sounds like you've put thought into it and I'd say "go for it". I see no problem with it at all in my opinion.
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Old 02-07-2012, 10:15 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,496 posts, read 15,182,285 times
Reputation: 20982
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
34 is very young.

Did it EVER occur to you that maybe you just aren't meant to be a mother if indeed Mr. Right doesn't show up soon?

Where did you get that entitlement mentality?
Probably that same place you got that smug, superior attitude.

OP ~ I'm a single Mom though not by choice. I've raised a fabulous teen-ager but I'm going to say it was/is HARD. Much, much harder than I ever thought.

I had tons of support and extended family around me but so many things depend on you (one person) and you are playing so many roles and juggling so many balls in the air - it would be easy to drop one.

Working full-time with a colicky newborn; not much sleep for well, many years, really. Not much other life if you totally focus on your child - which you will HAVE TO DO since you will be all they have.

There are other ways to satisfy your baby longing. Big Sister, volunteering at Church,School; babysitting or spending time with a friends child. Adopting an unwanted child - all could be considerations.

That said - I would never presume to tell you what you can or cannot do - of course it can be done if you devote everything to it. As in , you can probably forget Mr. Right ~ you simply will not have the time or energy to date much if you work fulltime and care for a small child.

Certainly it can be done and is done many times - simply out of necessity.
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Old 02-07-2012, 10:23 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,401 posts, read 9,579,621 times
Reputation: 7421
Even if you are married your husband of choice might not help you with the baby either, there is never a guarantee if you wait for Mr. Right. Your baby might not have colic, it might just sleep through the night early. In any case set up babysitters and family support while you are prego, you will need some breaks. I didn't have many, I had 3 kids and a husband who simply worked himself silly. I'm fine, they grow and things get easier. If you can handler a couple of years where with days of little sleep some times and emotions only mothers can experience than it will get better. I think you'll be find, stay positive. There are a lot of Debbie downers, just remember, they don't matter if you don't let them.
Eat well, get a lot of sleep when you can and find some support, it doesn't have to be from a husband.
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Old 02-07-2012, 10:37 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,496 posts, read 15,182,285 times
Reputation: 20982
I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer but only to share a piece of my reality. I've been there done that. Even if you have a spouse that doesn't help - IF said spouse is working and everything does NOT rely on one person and one income - life is a bit easier.

When YOU are the sole provider AND the sole parent - life can get hard. It's best to know this before one gets started.

Every bill that gets paid - YOU will pay. Every walk that gets shoveled - YOU will shovel. Every kid that gets sick - YOU will take to the doctor; YOU will do all the grocery shopping; YOU will handle all of the car trouble; when the child gets sick, YOU will miss work; when the child has a school program - YOU will miss work. When school is called off for whatever reason - YOU will miss work or YOU will arrange childcare. YOU will work all day and then YOU will help with homework; projects and YOU will transport or arrange transportation (no easy feat) to and from all after school activities.

You see where I'm going with this. I'm not saying don't do it - just go in with your eyes wide open. It's hard and unless you have been a single parent - you have no idea of how hard it is.

Would I trade it? Nope. Nor would I enter into it lightly.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 16,002,814 times
Reputation: 10024
My God! Why are you ladies SO mean to each other on this subject?
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:38 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,102,554 times
Reputation: 42377
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer but only to share a piece of my reality. I've been there done that. Even if you have a spouse that doesn't help - IF said spouse is working and everything does NOT rely on one person and one income - life is a bit easier.

When YOU are the sole provider AND the sole parent - life can get hard. It's best to know this before one gets started.

Every bill that gets paid - YOU will pay. Every walk that gets shoveled - YOU will shovel. Every kid that gets sick - YOU will take to the doctor; YOU will do all the grocery shopping; YOU will handle all of the car trouble; when the child gets sick, YOU will miss work; when the child has a school program - YOU will miss work. When school is called off for whatever reason - YOU will miss work or YOU will arrange childcare. YOU will work all day and then YOU will help with homework; projects and YOU will transport or arrange transportation (no easy feat) to and from all after school activities.

You see where I'm going with this. I'm not saying don't do it - just go in with your eyes wide open. It's hard and unless you have been a single parent - you have no idea of how hard it is.

Would I trade it? Nope. Nor would I enter into it lightly.
Good post.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,761,538 times
Reputation: 11309
Am I getting the feeling someone's looking for an eligible bachelor.

But OP, take comfort, Sarah from the Bible got pregnant at 80. All you need to do is pray
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