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Old 02-10-2012, 09:38 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,646,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
No, it is not. A woman can be the best parent - I know, I had a single mom - but she can't teach boys to be men.
And what exactly can a father teach you that your mother can't? Clue me in on this gem,because inquiring minds want to know.
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:40 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,646,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
Then you can't imagine.
No i can imagine plenty because there is nothing in particular one needs to be taught about "being a man" or "being a woman". How about you raise your kids to be decent human beings, and let them decide how their personaliies end up .
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
And what exactly can a father teach you that your mother can't? Clue me in on this gem,because inquiring minds want to know.
I understand that it may be hard to quantify. But a mother can't teach a boy how to relate to a woman (when starting to date), how to be a husband and how to properly parent a child (male or female) as a FATHER. A mom can't relate to a boy's physical and mental changes during puberty.

She can't teach him how to fight or how to rush the passer; she can't draw from anecdotes from her wrestling career to help him with his.

Look, moms are very, very important. Mine was the most important person in my life. But I have always understood that my life would have been much more complete had I had a father; I have had to learn how to be a man, a husband and a father through trial and error because I had no father to teach me.

It takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man.
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
No i can imagine plenty because there is nothing in particular one needs to be taught about "being a man" or "being a woman". How about you raise your kids to be decent human beings, and let them decide how their personaliies end up .
It's a bit more complicated than that. Men and women are different - this is a fact - and children need both parents.
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:59 AM
 
Location: North America
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
I understand that it may be hard to quantify. But a mother can't teach a boy how to relate to a woman (when starting to date), how to be a husband and how to properly parent a child (male or female) as a FATHER. A mom can't relate to a boy's physical and mental changes during puberty.

She can't teach him how to fight or how to rush the passer; she can't draw from anecdotes from her wrestling career to help him with his.

Look, moms are very, very important. Mine was the most important person in my life. But I have always understood that my life would have been much more complete had I had a father; I have had to learn how to be a man, a husband and a father through trial and error because I had no father to teach me.

It takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man.
So in order to date WOMEN, you think it's best to get your advice from MEN :roll eyes:? And is there any wonder why it takes boys years to figure things out ? While some people might feel more comfortable talking to their own sex about puberty issues not all do. And in fact quite a decent percentage don't talk to their parents at all about that stuff no matter the gender. And since parenting is pretty much learn as you go, no one can really teach you what to do. As for your tidbits about sports and fights thats pretty much BS, since that has little to do with being a man or a woman. Do you think that women don't know how to fight,don't play sports, or somehow learning about all this is about being a man? You basically aren't really giving an answer but setting up stereotypes for what 'you' perceive to be male only duties.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:00 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,646,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
It's a bit more complicated than that. Men and women are different - this is a fact - and children need both parents.
Biologically yes we are different people, mentally we are not. Just because we set standards about what we believe to be masculine and feminine duties does not mean a child will suffer if the parent one perceives to fill this role is not there.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:04 AM
 
460 posts, read 550,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
No, you are someone with a dysfunctional mother who probably would have been the same had she gotten married or not. You are balled up with resentment that you do not know if you would have if she had been normal.
You're right that she is dysfunctional. Part of her disfunction inhibited her from finding a partner in the first place. Another part of her disfunction did not arrive until I was 7 years old (bipolar). I'm not claiming to be the story of every child of a single mother. I know my story is unique due to my mother's mental status. What's not unique is the fact that I have no father nor do I have siblings. So I've been left to take care of my mother by myself since I was a teenager. It would be nice to have a father that could have let me stay with him when she was in the hospital. Now it would be awesome to have a sibling that could help me chase her all over the country when she goes manic. I just feel very alone even as an adult because I can't commiserate with anyone. That's my particular story. The OP could remain perfectly healthy and happy and do a great job, but the child would still miss a father (I did even before my mother became ill). The OP could come down with cancer or something and that child would feel a larger weight than if she had another parent to rely on. Of course life's not perfect and you can't predict these things. I stand by my statement that children are better off when they are brought into the world having two parents on whom they can rely.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
So in order to date WOMEN, you think it's best to get your advice from MEN :roll eyes:? And is there any wonder why it takes boys years to figure things out ?
What I am not going to do with you, Lucidkitty, is debate or argue with you about this. I will just tell you that I spent years being confused about these issues and talked with my mom incessantly about them. While she was a sympathetic ear, there was nothing she told me that helped me. She knew what it was like to be a teenage girl in this situation; she knew nothing about what it was like to be a teenage boy. So roll your damn eyes all you want. Means nothing to me.


Quote:
While some people might feel more comfortable talking to their own sex about puberty issues not all do. And in fact quite a decent percentage don't talk to their parents at all about that stuff no matter the gender. And since parenting is pretty much learn as you go, no one can really teach you what to do. As for your tidbits about sports and fights thats pretty much BS, since that has little to do with being a man or a woman.
You're not a guy, and you never played sports obviously.
Quote:

Do you think that women don't know how to fight,don't play sports, or somehow learning about all this is about being a man? You basically aren't really giving an answer but setting up stereotypes for what 'you' perceive to be male only duties.
You misinterpreted this, and that's why I didn't want to go deeper into it. Sure, women can fight, play sports, etc. But a woman's experiences in these things ARE different from those of a man. And I didn't say these things were male-only, just that males are better at relating and passing on information about this to SONS than mothers are.

So, we'll just disagree. I'm done.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 32,959,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Biologically yes we are different people, mentally we are not. Just because we set standards about what we believe to be masculine and feminine duties does not mean a child will suffer if the parent one perceives to fill this role is not there.
Mentally we are. Not that men are superior in some ways and women are inferior in some ways or vice versa - that is no way true. But men DO think and see life differently from women. Duties are not masculine or feminine. Perspectives are. I see this every day with my wife and myself.
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Old 02-10-2012, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,866 posts, read 7,083,061 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
So in order to date WOMEN, you think it's best to get your advice from MEN :roll eyes:? And is there any wonder why it takes boys years to figure things out ? While some people might feel more comfortable talking to their own sex about puberty issues not all do. And in fact quite a decent percentage don't talk to their parents at all about that stuff no matter the gender. And since parenting is pretty much learn as you go, no one can really teach you what to do. As for your tidbits about sports and fights thats pretty much BS, since that has little to do with being a man or a woman. Do you think that women don't know how to fight,don't play sports, or somehow learning about all this is about being a man? You basically aren't really giving an answer but setting up stereotypes for what 'you' perceive to be male only duties.
Good points from both LucidKitty and Lucario.

I definitely see where Lucario is going and I think in an ideal situation this should happen. But does it actually happen in every two-parent household? Likely not.

I just know I was raised by both parents but while I should have maybe learned to cook or date or relate to men and find a husband from my mother, she never taught me that. I probably should have learned the birds and bees and about menstration and my body from her but she never discussed these topics. But I still got the info somewhere (thank you school health class!)

Truth is, I learned cooking skills from my father. It was my father that taught me how to be a lady and how to carry myself. He was the one that taught me what to look out for in boys, how to dress respectably and even how best to wear my hair (and he wasn't gay either, he just knew what he liked in a woman).

Yeah, a child should have two parents who love them and dote on them and teach them everything but real life doesn't always work out that way.
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