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Old 02-24-2013, 01:38 AM
 
Location: Ontario
329 posts, read 767,243 times
Reputation: 287

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leila1010 View Post
Yes, I have "fantasized" about having a child, but I'm aware that it's a tremendous responsibility. I never stated that I wanted to have a child without a husband. If anything, I fantasize about having a child, with a husband, however I am currently single, with no real prospects at the moment.
I remember reading an article about a woman whose biological clock was ticking loudly and was still single. She had her eggs frozen so she could take her time finding the right guy and not have the pressure of time on her back. It might be worth the OP looking into.
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Old 02-24-2013, 05:29 AM
 
Location: Italy
157 posts, read 132,462 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leila1010 View Post
Let me quickly explain. Lately, I've been fantasizing about having a child or two. I have a very good career and a very stable middle class lifestyle, however, I am currently single and approaching 34. This baby thing is becoming an obsession. I fear that if I wait too long, I may become too old to have one naturally.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings? If so, what did you do?
please think about a child, not about yourself, a child is not a pet to take care of, a child needs a father!!!!

I have a sister of my husband, who is 39 now and she is pregnant for the first time and will give birth to twins next week... you still have time
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Old 02-24-2013, 05:32 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,621 posts, read 21,813,132 times
Reputation: 44523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
No, we read them, but then the conversaton went off on a tangent.

So let's get back to your situation. You want marriage and children but you don't have any prospects and you feel that at 34, time is running out. And, you've got a real point, because it is.

What you specifically need, therefore, is a man who wants to be married and have children, too. Yes, listen, it will be nice if tomorrow you magically crash in the corridor and mix up your peanut butter with some man's chocolate and all is birdies and rainbows, but while we waiting for that to happen, let's work on the logical, planned route.

I know Julia warned against this turning into a Relationships post, but I want to concentrate on the parenting part.

Write yourself a very specific list of what you want in a man who would be a father to your children. Wouldn't that type of man be the same type of person you want in a husband, too?

Then take that list and go to the professional matchmaker that you mentioned in an earlier post. But write down the details of the character of the person you are looking for. If you want a family, go out and specifically search for a compatible man who wants a family, too.

My friend did this (only she did it on EHarmony.) She was 35 and wanted to be married and have children. She was very specific to the point where she wanted him to be Catholic and preferred that he was from an Italian background as she was. She met someone who like her had one brief marriage previously and no children, he was in construction like her father, and he wanted to get married and have kids as much as she did. They married two years ago, had their first child last August. I don't know if she would say she saw fireworks when she met him, but you can tell they love one another and their baby girl, and they seem happy.

Good luck to you. Being a mom is a wonderful thing, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

I think that this is all very good advice! In the 1980s, many of us were told that we could have children well into our 30s and early 40s. This is sometimes true, but often isn't.

Fertility rates in women decline as early as after age 25. Then again at 30, and then sharply, at 35. Actually, our biological time clocks begin to tick from the moment we are born, because a female baby is born with all the eggs she will ever have.

I am not saying this to frighten you, but just to empress on you that if being a parent is very important to you, and is a defining feature of what you think of as "a life well lived", I understand. It is for me as well. But time is of the essence. I love being a parent, and wanted children all of my life. Trust your gut here. If you feel that way too, do everything you can to use this window of time to make that happen.

I agree with Mighty Queen. Make a list of traits that you want in a partner and be very honest about this! Then quickly set about the task of finding him.

I would agree that the most efficient way for you to do that would be by the use of a professional match maker. It's more expensive than an online dating site, but it is likely that it will lead to swift and efficient results. Remember to be honest about the children and marriage fast part. That you will be undertaking this particular effort right away.

I have observed that there are some men who slip into the marriage part with ease, but want to delay the childbearing part. You don't have that kind of time. And you need to be sure that this man understands this, and that no; this is not up for debate.

Online dating would be my second choice. But it's still a good one.

The one thing I want to say is that in the previous example, MQ stated that she was not sure if her friend "saw fireworks". Seeing fireworks is not your goal here. You need to find a compatible man who is attractive enough for you who you can see yourself living with and having a child or children with.

You are not looking for Prince Charming here, right? It's a baby you are after.

Now there are a few other ideas that you may not like but may cut to the chase. In fact, I am not employing any moral judgement here. So please do not be offended by any suggestions.

1. Go to a sperm back. Cut out the middle man, so to speak. This is be the fastest and easiest way to have a child.

2. Ask a confirmed bachelor friend, or other good friend if he will help you out here. You are not asking him to parent your child, but to give you a bit of assistance.

3. Go on a few dates with someone seduce him and have the baby. Oldest trick in the book!

4. Adoption.

I'd employ as many of these tactics as possible simultaneously.

Also, while doing the proactive baby making strategies that you have chosen, It might be a good idea to visit an OBGYN to find out your fertility status as of now.
The easiest way is to request an FSH level test. The doctor may have other ideas such as a sonogram of your ovaries, but even if there are still quite a few immature oocytes left the FSH test is the best predictor of egg quality, and pregnancy.

If your fertility is still at peak performance, or even if it is on the decline, you may want to think about having your eggs extracted and frozen for future use. Personally that's what I'd do to be sure.

Best of luck, and I hope that you have some good news for of soon!

Sheena12
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Old 02-24-2013, 05:57 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,621 posts, read 21,813,132 times
Reputation: 44523
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I never said there was anything "wrong" with WANTING a baby.

Plenty of young women know the feeling. I know I did.

But what IS wrong is planning to bring one into this world without a father.

You may need to try to accept the fact that IF Mr. Right doesn't show up in the next 10 years that maybe you just weren't meant to be a mom, regardless of how good of one you think you might be.

It's not something EVERY women is really meant to do you know.
The thing is, in the world of reproduction, she is not a "young woman! That is the myth that I wish that people would stop perpetuating!

Thirtyfour is a young woman in life, but not in reproductive endocrinology. To be exact, the OP would be termed an "elderly prmiagravada". An old first time mother in English.

Secondly, most of us you have children, did it for ourselves. Not to make the world a better place. We wanted a baby. I'll be the first to admit it.

The OP is a grown woman, not a sixteen year old.

If she "was not meant to have a baby" she would be the first to know that, not you. She obviously eas meant to have a baby because she want one and she is an adult. That is all of the information that anyone needs.
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Old 02-24-2013, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,290 posts, read 49,879,075 times
Reputation: 67171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucario View Post
She can't teach him how to fight or how to rush the passer; she can't draw from anecdotes from her wrestling career to help him with his. .
Um. You do know TONS of guys don't have any involvement in any sport ever, right?
And that there are women out there who know how to fight, right?
I've done MMA for years. I also throw a perfect spiral, can spot a blitz coming, switch-hit, had an 80+% free throw percentage, do household repairs, cook, clean, restored a motorcycle, drive big, fast cars (stick shifts, even), hook up all electronics...have I missed a dumb 'you need a guy to do this' stereotype yet? Oh, yeah...and I kill bugs, too.

I think strong role models of both genders are extremely important. But let's be real about what things a kid needs his/her dad to 'teach' them.

Frankly, based on real life and this forum, I'm not sure many (if not most) men have much of a handle on how to relate to women...so I find it hilarious that you think that's something important a father teaches his sons.

I think kids need two parents, but for no bigger reason than it takes an EFFLOAD of work to raise these little boogers and give them the personal time and attention they deserve.
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Old 02-24-2013, 09:35 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,385,412 times
Reputation: 32243
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I've done MMA for years. I also throw a perfect spiral, can spot a blitz coming, switch-hit, had an 80+% free throw percentage, do household repairs, cook, clean, restored a motorcycle, drive big, fast cars (stick shifts, even), hook up all electronics...have I missed a dumb 'you need a guy to do this' stereotype yet? Oh, yeah...and I kill bugs, too.


I think that poster needs to get out more.
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Old 02-25-2013, 04:57 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 20,368,868 times
Reputation: 16137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leila1010 View Post
Let me quickly explain. Lately, I've been fantasizing about having a child or two. I have a very good career and a very stable middle class lifestyle, however, I am currently single and approaching 34. This baby thing is becoming an obsession. I fear that if I wait too long, I may become too old to have one naturally.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings? If so, what did you do?
I knew even as a little girl that one day I wanted to be a mom. I didn't marry until I was 33 and had my first child at 34. I think if I had never married I would have wanted to have a child or two anyway. I didn't need a man to raise my child. You can go to your OB/GYN and inquire about artificial insemination.
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:27 AM
 
109 posts, read 140,765 times
Reputation: 86
Have a baby if you can take care of it...many couples divorce or one parent leaves...A single parent is not ideal but it can be done. I had married parents that fought all the time and my dad was not very involved at all. I am a single mother although my child's dad is very involved...If I would have taken the artificial insemination route if I had to. A desire to have a child is deep and you can't talk someone out of it, single or not.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 32,938,986 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Um. You do know TONS of guys don't have any involvement in any sport ever, right?
And that there are women out there who know how to fight, right?
Yeh, I know that. I was raised by a single mother, and she taught me a lot......but as I was growing up and as I am now parenting boys, I see how there were so many things she just could not teach me, no matter how great a mom she was.

Quote:
I've done MMA for years. I also throw a perfect spiral, can spot a blitz coming, switch-hit, had an 80+% free throw percentage, do household repairs, cook, clean, restored a motorcycle, drive big, fast cars (stick shifts, even), hook up all electronics...have I missed a dumb 'you need a guy to do this' stereotype yet? Oh, yeah...and I kill bugs, too.
What do you want, a cookie? I'm sure you're quite the badass......but you're not a guy. A kid needs a mom and a dad- period.

Quote:
I think strong role models of both genders are extremely important. But let's be real about what things a kid needs his/her dad to 'teach' them.

Frankly, based on real life and this forum, I'm not sure many (if not most) men have much of a handle on how to relate to women.
Why do you think that might be?


Quote:
..so I find it hilarious that you think that's something important a father teaches his sons.
.......and I find it baffling that you don't find a father's role to be important OR that you don't understand the different impacts a mother and a father has on their children of either gender.

Quote:
I think kids need two parents, but for no bigger reason than it takes an EFFLOAD of work to raise these little boogers and give them the personal time and attention they deserve.
While this is correct, it doesn't seem to be coming from the perspective of someone who truly understands parenting. Please tell me if I'm wrong.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 32,938,986 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post


I think that poster needs to get out more.
I think you need to really read what I said earlier.

BTW.....I've been all over the world. But thanks for the advice.
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