The long term effects of spanking and slapping (child care, babies, parent)

[AJBarney]

..just as there's a correct way to spank. You cannot have it both ways. Not every spanking is an impulsive act without control, although you will do your very best to portray it that way. Proper corporal punishment fits into a wide spectrum of tools that include non-corporal punishment as well.

If done correctly, spanking is not 'easy' its the most difficult area of childrearing. But I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

[eastwesteastagain]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

The thing that really bothers me about this discussion is that there is a very "all or nothing" approach by those who choose spanking.

I agree with you. Not everyone who chooses spanking, but a lot of the vocal pro-spanking contingent, seem to focus on when interventions like time-outs are incorrectly applied. When used appropriately and consistently, time outs or other behavioral interventions require no bribery, no negotiation, no cajoling, and no reasoning. It makes me wonder why there isn't more of a call for parents to use these techniques properly, rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile

Or you can be a good Christian, Vic.

Say you have a 14 year old kid, for example, and he hits you with a crowbar. You can pull a Matt 5:38-40, show him the other cheek

What does this topic have to do with Christianity, necessarily? You basically said that people who don't spank their kids have no guts. I just showed you how something like this is subjective.

"Grow a pair", ha! I should think hitting a kid is cowardly, not courageous. But I guess I just don't have the testicular fortitude to hurt someone who's one-tenth my size

[nightcrawler]

Originally Posted by DELL37

Complete BS. For generations parents spanked their kids and for generations we have survived and prospered. The last 25 yrs or so has seen this change to 'no spanking and time out' and the current generation of young adults is worse off than any that came before them. It only takes 5 minutes of the morning news to show you how well the 'time outs' have worked for the current generation

Hell I was spanked or hit everytime I screwed up. Ya know what I learned?? Stop screwing up. I'm not aggressive or violent. My parents, aunts , uncles etc are/were never aggressive yet we were all raised Tge same way.

The problem today it parents have too many laws obstructing their ability to be a parent.
Kids need discipline and this candy azz , time out approach has failed them miserably for the last 25 yrs. do your kids a favor. Spank them when they screw up. They're thank you when they realize you gave them the structure and disapline to function in the real world.

Parents who refuse to spank do Tge rest of us a favor. The next time your kid and I mean diapers to 18 yr old throws a temper tantrum either grow a pair an stand up to them or have The courtesy of removing them from the rest of our presents. Less than a week ago there was a family sitting behind me at a restaurant arguing with their teenager. He was cussing, slamming stuff and acting like an idiot because he didn't want to eat at that restaurant and their response was he had to go straight to his room for a timeout without tv or games when they got home. This kid was 15 or older. Ya really think that would happen if he knew a slap in the mouth was waiting for him. Hell no!!!!

Thank you, I couldn't have said it better.

I agree with everything you have posted.

and the parents giving the "times outs", need a smack.


also I always wanted to know, what are they taking a "Time Out" from????...................life???


the kid is having a tantrum and the parent says, OK, lets have a Time Out........

are you kidding, smack the kid and tell him to knock it off already, who is the adult in this situation.

[nightcrawler]

Originally Posted by Vic 2.0

This is what I can't stand about parents who spank. They tend to be the same parents who criticize others for using time outs. I notice you didn't really give an argument against the use of time outs. You just said "Time out my ass, you gotta be kidding, what is this, gimme a break". Unless you're practicing for a stand-up comedy gig or a radio DJ, that doesn't quite cut it.

There is no more reasoning or evidence to suggest time outs are ineffective as there is for suggesting spanking causes aggression. So kindly pick a style of thinking and stick with it, would you please?

I won't say that spanking causes any harm whatsoever, but I will say that it seems more consistent with the real world to reason with your 5 year old rather than hit them. Best to start as early as possible in teaching them the most effective and moral ways to deal with a problem, say I.

are you kidding me, I am NOT ABOUT TO REASON with a 5 year old. I am the parent, not the 5 year old......

[eastwesteastagain]

Originally Posted by AJBarney

..just as there's a correct way to spank. You cannot have it both ways. Not every spanking is an impulsive act without control, although you will do your very best to portray it that way. Proper corporal punishment fits into a wide spectrum of tools that include non-corporal punishment as well.

If done correctly, spanking is not 'easy' its the most difficult area of childrearing. But I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

I think the bolded is a fair statement. Although non-impulsive spanking is not something I choose to use to discipline my (well-behaved thus far) kids, because I find other tools more effective, I think it's erroneous to assume all spanking is done out of anger or impulsivity.

IMO, these "to spank or not to spank" arguments never end well because the extreme perspectives are being portrayed or assumed. Not every "spanker" is an impulsive, aggressive lunatic beating their child bloody and not every "time-outer" is singing kumbaya and watching their undisciplined kids walk all over them and everyone else.

[simetime]

Personally, I think it depends on the child. Some kids you can talk to (reason with) and others you have to "beat em until the white meat shows" (just kidding).

[PoppySead]

It doesn't really matter. It doesn't curb behavior in general. It doesn't teach them to behave differently in general it only teaches them to behave differently around you, the parent if you are aggressive so in effect it works for you, personally. It doesn't work in general, I'm not sure anything would, I don't think you can teach a person who is aggressive by nature to not be. If they are aggressive kids, which I imagine those are would be spanked more, then they are going to be aggressive adults regardless of spanking or not. Maybe they hide their aggression in your presence because you'd hit them for it but they will still be aggressive individuals elsewhere.
I personally just take things. Right or wrong it has worked for me. Don't get your chores done you don't get computer time, don't get good grades you don't get to play that Wii game. Don't' come home on time you don't get the car, etc. So far it works like a charm, they always want their free time enjoyment so I always have a resource. I don't even have to raise my voice, I'm pretty mellow as well and small so spanking would have been a weak idea for me. But, I have no judgement either way I just think some parents are good at spanking some are not. I couldn't effectively grow a pair but I can manipulate a response without being aggressive. Different strokes will always apply I think but to me it makes no difference. If your kid has an aggressive personality they just do, regardless of time outs or spankings. Not much to be done in my opinion.
On that note though, aggression can sometimes be helpful in life, don't disregard it as a personality trait. Aggressive people make good hunters and protectors as well. Just as they won't tolerate their kids misbehavior without a spanking they usually won't tolerate others aggression against their families either. So, its just a difference to me. Not a good or bad, whatever fits your personality as a parent you should use because it's natural and most likely your child inherited it as well so they understand it.

[DubbleT]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

The thing that really bothers me about this discussion is that there is a very "all or nothing" approach by those who choose spanking. I really don't care if other people spank their kids, however, there are other methods of disciplining kids that do not involve violence. Parents who choose non-violent discipline are still disciplining their children. They just aren't hitting them.

In my opinion the objective in disciplining children is to teach kids how to behave correctly. The threat of violence will not always be there. You cannot always be there to beat your children into submission. How will they know to behave if it is only the threat of violence that makes them behave?

Hitting kids is easy. However, the easiest way to do things is not always the best way to do things. Sometimes it pays to put more work into solving a problem. Non violent discipline is more work than simply hitting a person that is smaller, weaker and has less authority.

I also want to add that I do not think that today's young adults are more messed up than any other generation.

Originally Posted by AJBarney

..just as there's a correct way to spank. You cannot have it both ways. Not every spanking is an impulsive act without control, although you will do your very best to portray it that way. Proper corporal punishment fits into a wide spectrum of tools that include non-corporal punishment as well.

If done correctly, spanking is not 'easy' its the most difficult area of childrearing. But I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

The all or nothing approach seems to run both ways. Why are people against spanking so quick to judge those who do spank as abusers? Hitting, slapping, beating, violence? Really?
I think AJBarney says it quite well. Spanking when administered appropriately IS difficult, and is not the spur of the moment, slap your kid down kind of thing that apparently too many people think it is.

Spankings when I grew up were always accompanied by a serious conversation about whatever inappropriate action resulted in the punishment, and what behavior was expected in the future. They usually resulted in tears on both the part of the parent and child, and generally my tears were more from shame for having done something wrong, having let my parents down to the point they felt they needed to spank me. Very effective.

[PoppySead]

Originally Posted by simetime

Personally, I think it depends on the child. Some kids you can talk to (reason with) and others you have to "beat em until the white meat shows" (just kidding).

lol, sort of true I believe.