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Old 02-07-2012, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,683,229 times
Reputation: 11309

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I know someone who's a grown adult in his 30s. He thinks that if he had a much more emotionally & financially supportive father, that he'd have a much better life right now. I've consantly told him that it's an unfair reality of life & that means he'll have to work that much harder in life to succeed, but he seems so focused on his horrendous dad who's done things that a parent should never do (puts him down, is arrogant/smug, shows favoritism to twin brother, etc....the list s endless!)

How can he get this BS w/ his dad out of his mind & focus a lot more on getting his own life together & being successful in life? (He hasn't seen or spoken to him in 5 months by the way.)

Thank you!
Get a girlfriend, possibly with big boobs. Everything in the world will look green and positive.
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:02 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
Reputation: 31039
He could probably benefit from therapy, but he has to want it.
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,401 posts, read 9,550,354 times
Reputation: 7421
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
Get a girlfriend, possibly with big boobs. Everything in the world will look green and positive.
LMAO! That is soooo funny and probably true!
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Old 02-08-2012, 02:32 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I know someone who's a grown adult in his 30s. He thinks that if he had a much more emotionally & financially supportive father, that he'd have a much better life right now. I've consantly told him that it's an unfair reality of life & that means he'll have to work that much harder in life to succeed, but he seems so focused on his horrendous dad who's done things that a parent should never do (puts him down, is arrogant/smug, shows favoritism to twin brother, etc....the list s endless!)

How can he get this BS w/ his dad out of his mind & focus a lot more on getting his own life together & being successful in life? (He hasn't seen or spoken to him in 5 months by the way.)

Thank you!
Maybe he likes having an excuse. You see plenty of people do just fine who didn't have the best kind of parents.

Even among siblings, you will see all but one do just fine but one wants to wallow in his or her own private pity party.
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:54 AM
 
Location: San Bernardino County (previously L.A.)
4,483 posts, read 7,535,028 times
Reputation: 3867
I'm totally w/ you guys, but as we all know, no one can make anyone do anything they don't want to do (talking about the therapy). I personally think it would do some good to talk it over w/ a professional for at least a few times, just to conclude things within his own mind.

The thing is, my friend acts like he's the only one on earth w/ siblings & a bad parent or two. I know there's tons of people out there who have it a whole lot worse than him & many have managed to become doctors & lawyers today.

He doesn't have much motivation & that go-getter attitude, which I really wish he did. He'll deny this, but it's true.

But, he's NOT exaggerating about his dad. His dad truly is a loser.

Any other comments?
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: West Jordan, UT
973 posts, read 1,801,422 times
Reputation: 589
My husband's father wasn't around much at all while he was growing up. His new family always came 1st. My hubby worked his ace off and paid for college totally on his own (a few, but hardly any loans, his dad, who didn't support him, made too much) and is a great hubby, a wonderful provider, and an even better father.

I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm just saying there are many people who had cra**y parent/s, and turned out okay. So, there's always hope. I wish your friend well. All you can do is try and stay positive. Good luck!
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I'm totally w/ you guys, but as we all know, no one can make anyone do anything they don't want to do (talking about the therapy). I personally think it would do some good to talk it over w/ a professional for at least a few times, just to conclude things within his own mind.

The thing is, my friend acts like he's the only one on earth w/ siblings & a bad parent or two. I know there's tons of people out there who have it a whole lot worse than him & many have managed to become doctors & lawyers today.

He doesn't have much motivation & that go-getter attitude, which I really wish he did. He'll deny this, but it's true.

But, he's NOT exaggerating about his dad. His dad truly is a loser.

Any other comments?
You've already received some great comments..and they're so very true.

1) If you're looking for someone to blame for your own shortcomings, there's always someone handy

2) There are a whole lot of people out there who had ...um, less than ideal parents. Big freakin' deal. There's always someone who had it worse. Get the h*ll over it. Once you turn 18, you have no one to blame but yourself for not changing your life and turning yourself into someone you CAN be proud of.

Don't, for one second, enable this person. For cryin' out loud, the guys what?.i...in his 30s? and STILL blaming his daddy because he's a loser?...because he thinks he favors his twin? He needs to stop acting like a 12 year old and start acting like a man for a change. Maybe that sounds tough, but life is tough. He needs to grow some balls and start taking responsiblity for the fact that he's the one who's where he is because of his own choices and actions.

I feel sorry for kids who have really horrible parents, but not for adults with crappy parents. The best revenge is your success. Be better than them. Sh*t, how hard can it be, especially if your parent set the bar so low that you can crawl over it?
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:38 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
You've already received some great comments..and they're so very true.

1) If you're looking for someone to blame for your own shortcomings, there's always someone handy

2) There are a whole lot of people out there who had ...um, less than ideal parents. Big freakin' deal. There's always someone who had it worse. Get the h*ll over it. Once you turn 18, you have no one to blame but yourself for not changing your life and turning yourself into someone you CAN be proud of.

Don't, for one second, enable this person. For cryin' out loud, the guys what?.i...in his 30s? and STILL blaming his daddy because he's a loser?...because he thinks he favors his twin? He needs to stop acting like a 12 year old and start acting like a man for a change. Maybe that sounds tough, but life is tough. He needs to grow some balls and start taking responsiblity for the fact that he's the one who's where he is because of his own choices and actions.

I feel sorry for kids who have really horrible parents, but not for adults with crappy parents. The best revenge is your success. Be better than them. Sh*t, how hard can it be, especially if your parent set the bar so low that you can crawl over it?
Yes, and while there might be a crappy parent, the other parent is doing his or her darndest, and there are other relatives who do what they can. The child made it to age 18 and it might have not been a joyous childhood but by age 18 you have the opportunity to turn things around yourself.

A whole lot of people grew up believing another sibling was favored and I suspect in many cases that was the reality but if you ask parents, they usually insist they were fair and impartial.

I think when people see it from the parents' view, you realize that all kids are not identical, one may have more needs but also it's possible certain personalities were more compatible with that of the parent and while the love was the same, there was more compatibility with one child than the other.

That's just life. Life is not ever going to be completely fair. It won't be completely fair at school, teachers often prefer the personalities of some kids over others, it won't be fair in the work place for the same reason.

Probably everyone has something in his or her childhood that he or she could choose to be miserable about. But luckily most of us had somethings pretty good or at least good enough.
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:00 AM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,364,853 times
Reputation: 1944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I'm totally w/ you guys, but as we all know, no one can make anyone do anything they don't want to do (talking about the therapy). I personally think it would do some good to talk it over w/ a professional for at least a few times, just to conclude things within his own mind.

The thing is, my friend acts like he's the only one on earth w/ siblings & a bad parent or two. I know there's tons of people out there who have it a whole lot worse than him & many have managed to become doctors & lawyers today.

He doesn't have much motivation & that go-getter attitude, which I really wish he did. He'll deny this, but it's true.

But, he's NOT exaggerating about his dad. His dad truly is a loser.

Any other comments?
Yes, your friend is not who you want him to be. He is who he is.
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes, and while there might be a crappy parent, the other parent is doing his or her darndest, and there are other relatives who do what they can. The child made it to age 18 and it might have not been a joyous childhood but by age 18 you have the opportunity to turn things around yourself.

A whole lot of people grew up believing another sibling was favored and I suspect in many cases that was the reality but if you ask parents, they usually insist they were fair and impartial.

I think when people see it from the parents' view, you realize that all kids are not identical, one may have more needs but also it's possible certain personalities were more compatible with that of the parent and while the love was the same, there was more compatibility with one child than the other.

That's just life. Life is not ever going to be completely fair. It won't be completely fair at school, teachers often prefer the personalities of some kids over others, it won't be fair in the work place for the same reason.

Probably everyone has something in his or her childhood that he or she could choose to be miserable about. But luckily most of us had somethings pretty good or at least good enough.
I love this post. Yes! It's all about choices. As you "mature", do you focus on the good or the bad? Sometimes we have a tendency, as children, to want to be accepted for exactly who we are. However, at the same time, we're not accepting of our parents, exactly as THEY are. Could that be the wedge that's between the parent and the OP's friend? The "favored" twin, is perhaps more tolerant of the parent's shortcomings, but the "un-favored" one is always expecting/wanting more?
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