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Old 02-08-2012, 10:45 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,662 times
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Angry Disrespectful 18 boy--What to do

Situation--18 yrs boy school drop out, decides to goes to Technical school, dad pays for tuition, moves him there and provides him with a car. Doesn't make the cut at school--drop out again. Doesn't return fathers calls (about 20). When he finally does he tells his father is didn't go to school but is now attending the community college where his mother lives. Still driving our car and we are still paying for insurance.

I believe we should take the car and he can figure it out since he didn't abide by the rules. He continues to do this. This is definitely not the first time he has taken advantage of his father or myself. Thoughts as to what we should do?
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:58 AM
 
Location: On a Voyage Around the Sun
21,543 posts, read 12,125,807 times
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Does he work? Who is paying for everything else? (Rent, gas, food, books, phone.) Is he a full time student or out hanging with his friends?
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:25 AM
 
7,404 posts, read 8,764,931 times
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I would make keeping the car conditional on either being in school or working full time. But, since this appears to be a divorce situation based on your OP, it would be best to let the parents handle it if possible.
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:57 AM
 
2,183 posts, read 2,229,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I would make keeping the car conditional on either being in school or working full time. But, since this appears to be a divorce situation based on your OP, it would be best to let the parents handle it if possible.
Agreed and also maybe change your perspective, an 18yr old is a man not a boy and should act like one.
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Old 02-08-2012, 01:00 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA... where the nest is now empty!
11,330 posts, read 12,976,396 times
Reputation: 16874
I would butt out and let his parents decide how they will handle it.
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Old 02-08-2012, 01:39 PM
 
Location: hunt valley
5,813 posts, read 2,568,303 times
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Take the car back and welcome him to the real world.
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Old 02-08-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
12,360 posts, read 9,698,362 times
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Yep, make the car conditional.

He should be paying something ...
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,475 posts, read 3,123,325 times
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Tell him if he wants to pay the car he needs to be sending you an insurance payment.
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Swiftwater, PA
4,495 posts, read 3,157,106 times
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I think that this is a case for natural consequences to prevail. Here is a link to some good reading on the subject: http://www.child-psych.org/2011/07/the-universe-is-a-great-teacher-how-to-use-natural-consequences-to-help-your-child-learn.html

The young man basically made a contract and broke the contract. There is no reason to continue to reward him for not complying. You should get the car back. I might even check with my insurance company and strike his name form my policy - force him to buy his own insurance. These are reasonable expectations for a young adult male.
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Yellow Brick Road
35,342 posts, read 42,215,632 times
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We are tallking about a person's education and future here. An 18 year old is still typically very immature, and then you add divorced parents into the mix . . . I find it hard to believe that it was ok to provide a car as long as son was attending school x but now that son is attending school z, suddenly providing a car is indulging him. Hmmm.

Sounds to me like father and stepmom of said son are just angry that son is living with bio mom.

The point is to get the son educated. He screwed up. He obviously felt he could not discuss the situation with his father and stepmother or he would not have avoided them and then figured out a new plan for attending a different school. So it isn't as tho the kid ran off to Mexico and stole the car; he is with his mother and he is still attending college - and perhaps, will be successful in this new school and environment.

I hope this is not just the preliminary to dad and stepmom finding an excuse to justify no longer helping son get an education so they don't have to spend the $$$ to help him.
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