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Yeah and its also your house and your husband. Its not your childs house or your childs spouse. Ever used the line, its my house with your kids? Well it is either their house where they help out as a responsibility as being a homeowner or its your house and you are requiring them to take care of your property.
No, I haven't used that line with my kids. That's not the kind of relationship I have with my children. What I seem to be failing to communicate to you is that family members are responsible to each other, as well as each individual to him or herself. Not how you want to raise your family? Not a problem. But not everyone will agree that your way is THE way to raise a family.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 02-11-2012 at 03:26 PM..
In our family we have always had a demarcation between chores a kid has to do to CONTRIBUTE to the welfare of the family and shared home and the chores we will pay for. We give them allowance to help them learn how to manage money and except for agreed upon extra chores, this allowance money has nothing to do with being paid for work. All 4 kids understand that each member of this family has to CONTRIBUTE effort, time and energy to keep the family running smooth. I think this is what this father is talking about when he rants about "seriously, you want to be paid".
No, I haven't used that line with my kids. That's not the kind of relationship I have with my children. What I seem to be failing to communicate to you is that family members are responsible to each other, as well as each individual to him or herself. Not how you want to raise your family? Not a problem. But not everyone will agree that that is the way to raise a family.
Yeah but if you have one kid who is messy all the others shouldn't have to pick up after them.
EX: I share a bathroom with my brother. There is a hamper in the bathroom, FILLED with my brothers clothes, I do NOT use this hamper, I use one in my room. My mom told my brother and I that we were equally to clean the bathroom, he never brings the hamper down, now why should I do those clothes in that hamper when they aren't mine? I already do all my own clothes, why can't he do his own? Should I be expected to clean those clothes for him? Hell no he's 17 and has opposable thumbs.
You should clean up after yourself and not make others clean up after you.
Yeah but if you have one kid who is messy all the others shouldn't have to pick up after them.
EX: I share a bathroom with my brother. There is a hamper in the bathroom, FILLED with my brothers clothes, I do NOT use this hamper, I use one in my room. My mom told my brother and I that we were equally to clean the bathroom, he never brings the hamper down, now why should I do those clothes in that hamper when they aren't mine? I already do all my own clothes, why can't he do his own? Should I be expected to clean those clothes for him? Hell no he's 17 and has opposable thumbs.
You should clean up after yourself and not make others clean up after you.
No offense, txt, but the situations you have described between yourself and your brother aren't likely to occur in our house.
My responses to dave are about all members of a family contributing their part, in addition to whatever benefits each individual personally. I don't think that's the only way to raise a family; people are welcome to parent however they want.
Sounds like the daughter needed some tough love, but I don't agree with shooting the laptop. That is just some stupid, macho show. It wasn't necessary.
Ok So I am only using this as an example because I dont want to dig up all the examples. But why do we want our children to be kids and adults at the same time? Either they are nothing more than little employees in our house who are to live by our rules and have no self expression other than the leeway we feel may be appropriate OR they are young adults feeling their way in the world where they make mistakes and learn from them CONSTRUCTIVELY. Where the punishment is appropriate.
For example if you got on your Fb and b****ed out your boss but your boss wasnt your fb friend and had no access then no harm no foul. But the child who did everything they thought necessary to freely rant about "injustice" should also be raked over the coals, as you put it? Kids complain about their parents. Adults complain about their bosses. You just try to do it out of the ear of the other person.
Children arent adults but are on their way and sometimes what we as parents feel like is a suitable lesson is really one they are better off exploring on their own. Also we live in a different world then our children will live in and that means we have to change our understanding of how we deal with things vs how our own parents would have dealt with something.
Calling her lazy, a brat, spoiled, or an INGRATE is just rude and offensive. You know nothing of her except what her parent said about her. You do not know of her supposed laziness or that she is spoiled. She was probably just angry and wanted to vent a little. It would have moved down the news feed been forgotten and she and everyone she knows would have moved on.
Also IMHO, children should not have to "earn their keep" they are your children, you brought them into the world. They didnt ask to live in your house or for room and board. You made them a part of the family, they should be treated as a valued member, not a little worker. My mother used to tell me when i was a kid "if i wanted to do dishes i wouldnt have had kids" well its kinda funny, but also true> When I came home from school cleaning the kitchen came before my hw. School is my job as a kid so why should you not wanting to wash dishes come first? My son has chores (appropriate to his age) but he also has an allowance to accompany that because he is learning that work=money. You do your job, you get paid. You dont, you get no money. Thats as simple as that. Feel free to run away with that, as I know it will rub some people the wrong way
Well, most of what you posted is not in response to anything I said so I'll respond only to the parts dealing with my comments....
I never said this child should be racked over the coals, I questioned the father being racked in lieu of the fact that some parents consider, what I deem to be blatant disrespect, as simply "expression."
I agree that the world is vastly different then even when I was a teen-ager. I don't see the reverence and respect for parents and authority in general as I did as a teen, while admittedly, some "authority" figures have come out of woodworks a few few fries short of a happy meal as well. Regardless, I am of the opinion that respect should cross all generational lines for both young and old.
We all FEEL! We all get upset and I believe that children should be allowed to express feelings of injustice. It's a mature person,though, who can feel all manner of anger but who expressess it in a way that does not curse out, demean, and intentionally offend, and that is what I teach my children. We can train lions in a circus but these growing adults you mention are allowed free reign of their emotions. Perish the thought!
When my children were born they became a part of "my" world or their "parents" world and/or the world at large. That being said, they learn things the way they are run in MY house. In MY house we all clean, we all help, we all chip in. Afterall, adults pay rent or mortgage and pay their own bills! I'm happy to respect their way of doings things at the place that they pay rent or mortgage
It is a waste.
Laptops are expensive.
He could have sold the laptop and made the money back, shooting a perfectly good piece of equipment is stupid. There are people out there who would have loved a cheap laptop if he sold it.
Obviously, it didn't bother him, so it wasn't a waste. If anyone made it a waste, his daughter did.
Obviously, it didn't bother him, so it wasn't a waste. If anyone made it a waste, his daughter did.
Gosh, truth be told, the lesson his daughter learned from this incident, was far more valuble than the price he would have gotten by selling it to some poor deserving soul. Daddy's probably thinkin' "Yep, money well spent!" Hey, in retrospect, the guy could have sent her off to one of the "Get them straightened out" camps and spent thousands of dollars. Heck, all it cost him was a laptop. Yep, he most certainly got his money's worth out of that lap top.
No, I haven't used that line with my kids. That's not the kind of relationship I have with my children. What I seem to be failing to communicate to you is that family members are responsible to each other, as well as each individual to him or herself. Not how you want to raise your family? Not a problem. But not everyone will agree that your way is THE way to raise a family.
Of course everyone doesnt agree with how I do things. And I dont expect them to. Thus the reason debate is useful, perhaps someone learns from someone else. I agree there should be responsibility, I was simply replying because she said things like, if i just cleaned the floor and you walk across it is muddy shoes, you should clean up the mud. And made comments about "if i hear get me a cup of coffee one more time" i believe in a household, everyone isnt equal but everyone deserves respect. She should respect her parents authority, but her parents should respect her as well. Also they should not be so unappreciative of her help, as she shouldnt be unappreciative of what they do. If one of your children just cleaned the floor would you walk across it in dirty shoes and then say clean up that mud? No of course not (i hope) because you respect your children as members of the family.
Of course everyone doesnt agree with how I do things. And I dont expect them to. Thus the reason debate is useful, perhaps someone learns from someone else. I agree there should be responsibility, I was simply replying because she said things like, if i just cleaned the floor and you walk across it is muddy shoes, you should clean up the mud. And made comments about "if i hear get me a cup of coffee one more time" i believe in a household, everyone isnt equal but everyone deserves respect. She should respect her parents authority, but her parents should respect her as well. Also they should not be so unappreciative of her help, as she shouldnt be unappreciative of what they do. If one of your children just cleaned the floor would you walk across it in dirty shoes and then say clean up that mud? No of course not (i hope) because you respect your children as members of the family.
Totally agree with this post - respect is a two-way street. It was not at all clear to me from your other posts that this is what you were saying.
Re: this specific family, who knows what their day-to-day is like. Just because those were her complaints, doesn't make them factual - same goes for dad's complaints. From dad's statement, it sounds like we're done hearing from them and will never know, which I respect. I do think it's great that he and his daughter were able to sit down and talk about the whole thing.
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You said it better than I did!
Obviously, it didn't bother him, so it wasn't a waste. If anyone made it a waste, his daughter did.
Daddy's probably thinkin' "Yep, money well spent!" Hey, in retrospect, the guy could have sent her off to one of the "Get them straightened out" camps and spent thousands of dollars. Heck, all it cost him was a laptop. Yep, he most certainly got his money's worth out of that lap top.
