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This is sincerely one of the best posts I've read on this forum.
To love your kid that much that you'd go that far to do what's ultimately the best thing for their well being is a truly inspirational concept, and that really came into focus for me after reading this.
Despite all the differing views and parenting methologies, this is really why we're all here.
*in best hick accent* YALLLL I luv my kid sooo much that I shot up their electronics to teach them a lesson fo havin an opinion and speakin their mind
Those pesky children they should just lay down and take whatever comes their way and be seen and not heard...
He should have beat her instead, that would have been more cost effective.
Ok So I am only using this as an example because I dont want to dig up all the examples. But why do we want our children to be kids and adults at the same time? Either they are nothing more than little employees in our house who are to live by our rules and have no self expression other than the leeway we feel may be appropriate OR they are young adults feeling their way in the world where they make mistakes and learn from them CONSTRUCTIVELY. Where the punishment is appropriate.
For example if you got on your Fb and b****ed out your boss but your boss wasnt your fb friend and had no access then no harm no foul. But the child who did everything they thought necessary to freely rant about "injustice" should also be raked over the coals, as you put it? Kids complain about their parents. Adults complain about their bosses. You just try to do it out of the ear of the other person.
Children arent adults but are on their way and sometimes what we as parents feel like is a suitable lesson is really one they are better off exploring on their own. Also we live in a different world then our children will live in and that means we have to change our understanding of how we deal with things vs how our own parents would have dealt with something.
Calling her lazy, a brat, spoiled, or an INGRATE is just rude and offensive. You know nothing of her except what her parent said about her. You do not know of her supposed laziness or that she is spoiled. She was probably just angry and wanted to vent a little. It would have moved down the news feed been forgotten and she and everyone she knows would have moved on.
Also IMHO, children should not have to "earn their keep" they are your children, you brought them into the world. They didnt ask to live in your house or for room and board. You made them a part of the family, they should be treated as a valued member, not a little worker. My mother used to tell me when i was a kid "if i wanted to do dishes i wouldnt have had kids" well its kinda funny, but also true> When I came home from school cleaning the kitchen came before my hw. School is my job as a kid so why should you not wanting to wash dishes come first? My son has chores (appropriate to his age) but he also has an allowance to accompany that because he is learning that work=money. You do your job, you get paid. You dont, you get no money. Thats as simple as that. Feel free to run away with that, as I know it will rub some people the wrong way
Okay, I'll spell it out in big letters in order to make my point very clear, because there seems to be something that you're missing here.
WE ARE NOT RAISING CHILDREN TO BE CHILDREN. WE ARE RAISING ADULTS HERE! This kid is 15 years old. This is not an 8 yr old kid here. We are sending an increasingly large number of "adults" out into the world who don't have a frickin' CLUE how to take care of themselves, much less "do their share"! You got kids who are obese, suffering from health issues which should never be seen in young children because they sit on their asses and do NOTHING, yet expect their parents to provide spending money, taxi services, and every other luxury that their entitled little asses want.
You've got grown KIDS who are getting married or moving in with other grown kids, who can't manage to make a relationship work, because those KIDS are so selfish and self centered, they can't think of anyone but themselves. They become parents who don't have a clue how to take care of anyone but themselves. Why? Because they've never had to do anything but "be kids!" Get a clue dude. These young people are ADULTS IN TRAINING! Do your job and actually TRAIN THEM to be adults! Not KIDS!
I agree that children should have responsibility but if you want to teach them to be adults then treat them like little adults. You want them to clean up after you, make your coffee, babysit little brother? Pay them to do it. You dont work for free. Why should they? Because they are kids? BS. If you want to treat them like kids, then do it. If you want to treat them like adults, then do it. But dont complain when your child who you insist on treating like an adult-in-training wants all the perks of being an adult-in-training which includes pay for labor.
I agree that children should have responsibility but if you want to teach them to be adults then treat them like little adults. You want them to clean up after you, make your coffee, babysit little brother? Pay them to do it. You dont work for free. Why should they? Because they are kids? BS. If you want to treat them like kids, then do it. If you want to treat them like adults, then do it. But dont complain when your child who you insist on treating like an adult-in-training wants all the perks of being an adult-in-training which includes pay for labor.
Not to take this completely OT, but it is not uncommon for every family member, adult and child, to have responsibilities within the home. Growing up, we were all expected to pitch in and help for daily maintenance type things as age-appropriate. Having kids doesn't mean working them to death but it also isn't an 18 year vacation in a luxury hotel. Family members have responsibilities to each other and their shared residence in addition to the parents' paid jobs and the kids' school (which IMO is their job).
Not to take this completely OT, but it is not uncommon for every family member, adult and child, to have responsibilities within the home. Growing up, we were all expected to pitch in and help for daily maintenance type things as age-appropriate. Having kids doesn't mean working them to death but it also isn't an 18 year vacation in a luxury hotel. Family members have responsibilities to each other and their shared residence in addition to the parents' paid jobs and the kids' school (which IMO is their job).
Children need to be accountable for themselves, their clothing their school work. But not me. My son isnt responsible for cleaning up after me or taking care of my additional children. I chose those responsibilities and as an adult i take care of them. My son is responsible for his own things. I dont keep up with his toys or clean his room. He does. And he knows it. Because he has personal accountability. And as an adult I have personal accountability. But if Im going to clean up after someone else or work for them in their yard or whatever, they need to pay me. There is a huge difference between being a built in cleaning/caregiver and a young adult responsible for their own things and themselves. Mom and dad bought the house with the big yard, mom and dad are the ones who care for said yard, unless they pay someone to do. If kid wants a ride to the mall, he mows the yard to earn it. Its a simple concept.
I agree that children should have responsibility but if you want to teach them to be adults then treat them like little adults. You want them to clean up after you, make your coffee, babysit little brother? Pay them to do it. You dont work for free. Why should they? Because they are kids? BS. If you want to treat them like kids, then do it. If you want to treat them like adults, then do it. But dont complain when your child who you insist on treating like an adult-in-training wants all the perks of being an adult-in-training which includes pay for labor.
What exactly would you call IPODs, laptops, gaming systems, money for the movies, lastest style clothing, I could go on and on. I would say that is payment for the "work" they do around the house. My kids want all those things, they think they are a "must have" and I'll be darned if I am going to get them all that stuff and have them sit on their butts and think I am supposed to cater to their every whim and clean up after them, so they can be a "kid".
Beachmel said it perfectly, we are raising adults not kids. They are not going to magically turn into adults one day, they have to be shown the way.
Children need to be accountable for themselves, their clothing their school work. But not me. My son isnt responsible for cleaning up after me or taking care of my additional children. I chose those responsibilities and as an adult i take care of them. My son is responsible for his own things. I dont keep up with his toys or clean his room. He does. And he knows it. Because he has personal accountability. And as an adult I have personal accountability. But if Im going to clean up after someone else or work for them in their yard or whatever, they need to pay me. There is a huge difference between being a built in cleaning/caregiver and a young adult responsible for their own things and themselves. Mom and dad bought the house with the big yard, mom and dad are the ones who care for said yard, unless they pay someone to do. If kid wants a ride to the mall, he mows the yard to earn it. Its a simple concept.
Sorry, different families have different values about this. I'm not talking about parents delegating chores to kids while doing nothing themselves. I'm talking about the mutual respect of family members who all contribute to the spaces they live in. In our house, I don't tell my husband he has to pay me to do his laundry and he doesn't require me to sort my garbage into different bags than his and then pay him to take them to the curb. We help each other out because we both live here and we love each other.
What exactly would you call IPODs, laptops, gaming systems, money for the movies, lastest style clothing, I could go on and on. I would say that is payment for the "work" they do around the house. My kids want all those things, they think they are a "must have" and I'll be darned if I am going to get them all that stuff and have them sit on their butts and think I am supposed to cater to their every whim and clean up after them, so they can be a "kid".
Beachmel said it perfectly, we are raising adults not kids. They are not going to magically turn into adults one day, they have to be shown the way.
Generally (with the exception of money) these things are given in association with birthdays, holidays, rewards for doing well. If you are just giving it too them because they whined then you are not doing them any favors. But getting a new ipod for christmas isnt payment for chores.
Sorry, different families have different values about this. I'm not talking about parents delegating chores to kids while doing nothing themselves. I'm talking about the mutual respect of family members who all contribute to the spaces they live in. In our house, I don't tell my husband he has to pay me to do his laundry and he doesn't require me to sort my garbage into different bags than his and then pay him to take them to the curb. We help each other out because we both live here and we love each other.
Yeah and its also your house and your husband. Its not your childs house or your childs spouse. Ever used the line, its my house with your kids? Well it is either their house where they help out as a responsibility as being a homeowner or its your house and you are requiring them to take care of your property.
In our family we have always had a demarcation between chores a kid has to do to CONTRIBUTE to the welfare of the family and shared home and the chores we will pay for. We give them allowance to help them learn how to manage money and except for agreed upon extra chores, this allowance money has nothing to do with being paid for work. All 4 kids understand that each member of this family has to CONTRIBUTE effort, time and energy to keep the family running smoothly. I think this is what this father is talking about when he rants about "seriously, you want to be paid".
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