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Old 02-15-2012, 01:38 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,363,417 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709 View Post
To clarify, when my parents are at that point where they will need me to take care of them, I will move them to where I am.
We should take care of our own if we can.
What if they won't come?? It isn't always as easy as that.
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
What if they won't come?? It isn't always as easy as that.
Timing is difficult in these situations. If dementia is involved, moving can make things even worse and if doctors are involved, the elder will complain they don't want to start with new doctors and facilities.

The thing to do people is discuss all these variables BEFORE you are faced with making decisions during a crisis. Get a Power of Attorney for Health Care and discuss with your loved ones what they would want. Too many times Mama or Papa will flat out refuse to move, daughter or son will have a family of their own to worry about and the whole thing can be a nightmare. Ask me how I know.................
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Old 02-15-2012, 08:36 PM
 
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You can't wait around for them to die before you start your life but to be honest I couldn't ever dream of living far away from my parents at that age
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:21 AM
 
65 posts, read 189,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsnapses! View Post
You can't wait around for them to die before you start your life but to be honest I couldn't ever dream of living far away from my parents at that age

thats why i feel guilty, cause they are in their late 70s. but we cant afford NJ and hubby cant find work. And while no job is 100% stable, we do feel this move would be an opportunity. Im ready to have a nervous breakdown.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:24 AM
 
65 posts, read 189,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Timing is difficult in these situations. If dementia is involved, moving can make things even worse and if doctors are involved, the elder will complain they don't want to start with new doctors and facilities.

The thing to do people is discuss all these variables BEFORE you are faced with making decisions during a crisis. Get a Power of Attorney for Health Care and discuss with your loved ones what they would want. Too many times Mama or Papa will flat out refuse to move, daughter or son will have a family of their own to worry about and the whole thing can be a nightmare. Ask me how I know.................
they REFUSE to discuss this. Ive tried....many times. its a shame, because it does need to be discussed regardless of if we move or not.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:26 AM
 
65 posts, read 189,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709 View Post
To clarify, when my parents are at that point where they will need me to take care of them, I will move them to where I am.
We should take care of our own if we can.

i agree, bit my mom flat out refuses to move...ever..... she says.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aphahorse View Post
thats why i feel guilty, cause they are in their late 70s. but we cant afford NJ and hubby cant find work. And while no job is 100% stable, we do feel this move would be an opportunity. Im ready to have a nervous breakdown.
please do not let them do this to you. I understand the stress this causes, but you can't just let a job go and be unemployed to please parents, that, as of now, can still take care of themselves. When the time comes that they can't take care of themselves, you can cross that bridge. Maybe by that time, you'll be able to move back, or she'll be willing to move with you or the other siblings can take care of them.
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Old 02-16-2012, 10:52 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,240 posts, read 15,033,121 times
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When I was deciding on whether to transfer with my job - my father (89 at the time) refused to consider moving. That was fine; his decision and he was in good health.

One day my son and I were making a trip up to look at houses in the area and invited him to come along. He saw how nice the town was and decided to move with us.

Voila!
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Old 02-16-2012, 01:06 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 52,363,417 times
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Eventually you have to stop worrying about parental approval and do what is best for YOUR family. You said you have siblings in the area. If your parents refuse to move, your siblings are just going to have to deal with the if the time comes. You can send money to help and visit on occasion but you have to feed your kids....if your mom doesn't like that....it's her problem, not your problem.
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Old 02-16-2012, 02:18 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,056 posts, read 7,956,243 times
Reputation: 11449
You should go! Your parents lived (and are still living) the life they choose. You and your DH should get to choose your own lives as well. I have a lot of empathy for you though. I recently moved 1500 miles away from my parents. It is very hard sometimes. But we make the best of it and often go back and forth to visit one another. I'm already worrying what will happen when the day comes that they can't take of themselves. But I can't pass up living my own life for what will happen in the future. Plus, who is to say you'll stay in TN forever? If things don't work out there you can always move back, or maybe your parents will change their minds and move to you once you get out there. If you don't give it a shot though you'll always wonder what if and I think you may come to resent your parents for making you feel guilted into staying.
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