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Old 02-14-2012, 04:30 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,947,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
My family encourages anyone to just drop by without calling first. It's called family closeness. Honestly you never know who you will run into when you just stop by Grandma's house.
This depends on each person's lifestyle and situation. Another reason I don't just show up to visit my mom whenever is that she could be taking a nap. Sure, the phone would wake her up just the same, but she'd be able to tell me "I'll call you back". So to me, calling first isn't just common courtesy; it's being considerate of her in particular.

Also, I know families who just drop in and have more drama than harmony. I guess one might argue that this is still closeness, but hardly desirable.

I think some of this depends on how introverted/extroverted your parents (or whoever you're visiting is), too. Introverted people tend to be more private, and would like notice on who's going to visit and when more often than extroverts.
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,221 posts, read 7,405,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
recall that Mom would always feel bad when her Dad or siblings came to visit and she wasn't there. She missed seeing them and would have hung around if she had known they were coming.

She loved her family and wanted to visit so it isn't that she considered the courtesy call mandatory, just helpful for coordination.
Right-O! My eldest son lives an hour away. He refuses to call before coming to visit because "I don't want you to change your plans for me."

I live alone and sometimes I just take off for a walk, or to the Dollar Store, or to sit in the park with my Kindle just for a change of scene. No real reason to go to any of these places. So, changing that plan in exchange for a visit with my first-born would be absolutely no hardship.

Son #3 always calls first. Sons #2, #4 and #5 just show up. They're all welcome all the time, but I do agree with someone who said something to the effect that they all have cell phones and why not call when you find yourself in the neighborhood.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
930 posts, read 1,577,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
My family encourages anyone to just drop by without calling first. It's called family closeness.
Family closeness and common courtesy are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,661,231 times
Reputation: 19409
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
Right-O! My eldest son lives an hour away. He refuses to call before coming to visit because "I don't want you to change your plans for me."

I live alone and sometimes I just take off for a walk, or to the Dollar Store, or to sit in the park with my Kindle just for a change of scene. No real reason to go to any of these places. So, changing that plan in exchange for a visit with my first-born would be absolutely no hardship.

Son #3 always calls first. Sons #2, #4 and #5 just show up. They're all welcome all the time, but I do agree with someone who said something to the effect that they all have cell phones and why not call when you find yourself in the neighborhood.

I guess my way of thinking goes right along with the sentiment that's bolded above. It always has. If you really want to see someone, why NOT call to make sure they're going to be home. I mean, why wouldn't you?

My parents lived "out in the country". My father is long passed now, but they appreciated so much, knowing you cared enough to call. It's a good 45 min drive from my house to theirs and I had to drive through "town" before heading out there. It's only Mom now, and most of the time, she's at her little store/lunch counter. I still will call and say, "Mom, I was thinking of heading up your way. Do you need anything in town on my way through?" I did the same thing when they were both at home.

In the past, there have been many times when people have contacted me and said, "We went out to the beach and stopped by the house! This is the second time this month! Aren't you ever home?" My answer? "Yes, I'm almost always home! Please call me the next time you're heading out this way so that I can make SURE to arrange it so that I AM home!"

I love being "prepared" for guests. It's nice to be able to put things on hold, throw something into the oven to snack on, put on a pot of coffee or mix up a pitcher of something. It's nice to feel "put together" when people show up, otherwise, I feel like a terrible host. These days, I have friends whittled down to a darn few respectable, responsible people. These people also know me well enough to know that even if I'm not working full time, I"m working full time....here at home. They don't just assume that I'm doing nothing, just because I'm at home, because they know better. They also know that I'm more than tickled to get a call, clean up a bit and have an excuse to take a break and visit with them!
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Old 02-14-2012, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Northern California
970 posts, read 1,745,801 times
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I can't imagine just showing up at someone's house without calling first. Sometimes I will be passing a friend's house (or my parents) on my way somewhere, but I still call to make sure it's ok to stop by.

Barring an emergency, I would be really annoyed if someone showed up unannounced.
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Old 02-14-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
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I think some of this is cultural. Where I grew up it is very common for anyone to pop in for a visit without calling.
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Old 02-14-2012, 02:48 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,595,624 times
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Friends and siblings, yes I would call first but parents? Hardly ever, unless I am going through town or am going to be someplace I know they don't get to often, and I want to ask if they need anything. If they happen to not be home or are just heading out or whatever, it isn't that big of a deal we say "ok, see you some other time". No one feels bad or inconsiderate if the timing doesn't work out, it doesn't even get a second thought. That is just the way we are around here.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:05 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,757 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
You should probably figure out who's bothered by it. It could just be her, or it could be your father (maybe he doesn't say anything to you about it but has complained to your sibling).

Yes, it is "common courtesy" to call first. And while some people may not mind it (my mom's one of those "just pop in anytime, son!" kinda parents), I personally make it a point to call first before I visit ANYONE. My reason, though, is that I want my son to pick up on the habit of doing things the most courteous way. So I must be consistent.
Due to circumstances beyond my control and other unfortunate issues, it had been awhile since I was able to visit.
I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call me before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish.

After that, my sibling said, a few times over the weeks and months, that it was common courtesy to call and that my parent had asked me to call first. NO they have not asked me to call first.

I think it is a rule created by my sibling.

I visited the parent again in early Feb. and the visit went fine. I stayed about 30 minutes.
I visited again this past weekend and there was no answer at the door or to a phone call. I sent a letter on Monday and have not received a call or a reply letter. In the letter, I said that I had been by there about 1pm the 18th and got no answer at the door or phone. Also, that I had a whole box of telephone answering machines and they were welcome to have one, so people can leave messages.
Since my parent is old enough to experience medical issues (we all are regardless of age, I guess) I called a cousin who seems to be the "communication" person. They were going to contact my parent and call me back and here it is the 22nd and still no word from anyone.

If my parent does not want to me come to their house without calling first, I ask for the "courtesy" of being told personally by my parent, and not from my rule making sibling.

At this point, in the days after the 18th, I'm not sure what to do:
call, or go by again over the weekend, or call the cousin.
I've gotten no call from the cousin, or a phone call from my parent about my letter of the 19th, or a reply letter.

No one in my entire life has called me to say they were coming to visit, and I have never called anyone else ahead of time. I just stopped by. If it was a bad time, I leave. This also happened on the 18th. I stopped by a friend's house and they had company and were cooking and getting ready to eat. I just said, I'd come back another time.
No one seemed to be upset at all, because I just showed up.

So, this was news to me, the courtesy of calling first.
Because no one has ever used it, nor myself either.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:21 PM
 
3,517 posts, read 5,445,650 times
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I drop by my parents whenever I want, without warning. We live in the same town and their house is the house I grew up in. Never heard a complaint. Actually, if anything they tell me I don't come over often enough.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:21 PM
 
Location: here
24,472 posts, read 28,750,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
Due to circumstances beyond my control and other unfortunate issues, it had been awhile since I was able to visit.
I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call me before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish.

After that, my sibling said, a few times over the weeks and months, that it was common courtesy to call and that my parent had asked me to call first. NO they have not asked me to call first.

I think it is a rule created by my sibling.

I visited the parent again in early Feb. and the visit went fine. I stayed about 30 minutes.
I visited again this past weekend and there was no answer at the door or to a phone call. I sent a letter on Monday and have not received a call or a reply letter. In the letter, I said that I had been by there about 1pm the 18th and got no answer at the door or phone. Also, that I had a whole box of telephone answering machines and they were welcome to have one, so people can leave messages.
Since my parent is old enough to experience medical issues (we all are regardless of age, I guess) I called a cousin who seems to be the "communication" person. They were going to contact my parent and call me back and here it is the 22nd and still no word from anyone.

If my parent does not want to me come to their house without calling first, I ask for the "courtesy" of being told personally by my parent, and not from my rule making sibling.

At this point, in the days after the 18th, I'm not sure what to do:
call, or go by again over the weekend, or call the cousin.
I've gotten no call from the cousin, or a phone call from my parent about my letter of the 19th, or a reply letter.

No one in my entire life has called me to say they were coming to visit, and I have never called anyone else ahead of time. I just stopped by. If it was a bad time, I leave. This also happened on the 18th. I stopped by a friend's house and they had company and were cooking and getting ready to eat. I just said, I'd come back another time.
No one seemed to be upset at all, because I just showed up.

So, this was news to me, the courtesy of calling first.
Because no one has ever used it, nor myself either.
there is your answer.
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