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Old 03-22-2012, 12:27 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,792 times
Reputation: 18

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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post

Actually, if anything they tell me I don't come over often enough.
I am not told anything about anything.
I am outside a communication circle.
Cousins in the circle, as are parent, sibling, sibling's spouse, uncle, and others.
If I am welcome there, I'd like to know.
If I am not welcome there, I'd like to be told, so the whole matter can be settled once and for all.

.....................I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish. (By the way it was Sunday around 1pm-1:30pm, not after dark, not meal time, etc.)

......................I visited the parent again in early Feb. and the visit went fine.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: here
24,474 posts, read 28,767,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
I am not told anything about anything.
I am outside a communication circle.

Cousins in the circle, as are parent, sibling, sibling's spouse, uncle, and others.
If I am welcome there, I'd like to know.
If I am not welcome there, I'd like to be told, so the whole matter can be settled once and for all.

.....................I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish. (By the way it was Sunday around 1pm-1:30pm, not after dark, not meal time, etc.)

......................I visited the parent again in early Feb. and the visit went fine.
How often do you call your parent?

Last edited by Kibbiekat; 03-22-2012 at 12:32 PM.. Reason: fixed bolding
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:35 PM
 
12,930 posts, read 19,818,561 times
Reputation: 33981
This sounds more like a battle of wills between you and your sibling at this point. It really doesn't matter who is "right", why can't you just flat out ask your parent what they would prefer? Oh wait, you already did, and were told they would appreciate a call, but you don't believe it.

Regardless of whether or not it has been the norm for you, it is just a small courtesy that doesn't hurt anyone.

On the other hand, I would be concerned that you haven't been able to reach your parent. That would constitute an emergency in my eyes, and I would be there banging on the door to make certain everything was ok. And then, I would ask if it would be feasible to check in by phone on a daily basis.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:36 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
How often do you call your parent?
I called back in October to inform them about the death of a relative.
Parent seemed irritated that I had called around meal time.
Unpleasant phone call in my view, as the call was a sincere effort to inform them of someone's death.

They have called me maybe 6-7 times since July, 2011.
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If I am welcome there, I'd like to know.
If I am not welcome there, I'd like to be told, so the whole matter can be settled once and for all.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:42 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post

Oh wait, you already did, and were told they would appreciate a call, but you don't believe it.

On the other hand, I would be concerned that you haven't been able to reach your parent.
The RED above is 100% not accurate at all.
I DID NOT ask, and THEY DID NOT tell me.

I was going to ask, about that on my visit last, Sunday March 18th, but no answer to the door or phone.
My sibling talks to them, surely 2-3 times a week or more.
THEY all know more than I do.
So, me calling every day to make sure there is no emergency is not needed. Others call them, and THEY CALL others, several times a week.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:47 PM
 
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You said that is what you were told back in Oct. No matter how it was said, it was voiced. It might have been a good idea to ask for clarification then.

However, based on your most recent post, it sounds as though you have fallen out of favor with your parent. Do you have any idea why? Do you think your sibling is directing it?
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:58 PM
 
Location: here
24,474 posts, read 28,767,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
Due to circumstances beyond my control and other unfortunate issues, it had been awhile since I was able to visit.
I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call me before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish.

After that, my sibling said, a few times over the weeks and months, that it was common courtesy to call and that my parent had asked me to call first. NO they have not asked me to call first.

I think it is a rule created by my sibling.
You just said your parent asked you to call first.

Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
I called back in October to inform them about the death of a relative.
Parent seemed irritated that I had called around meal time.
Unpleasant phone call in my view, as the call was a sincere effort to inform them of someone's death.

They have called me maybe 6-7 times since July, 2011.
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vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvv

If I am welcome there, I'd like to know.
If I am not welcome there, I'd like to be told, so the whole matter can be settled once and for all.
I don't know if you can blame your whole family for keeping you out of the loop when you don't cal them either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
The RED above is 100% not accurate at all.
I DID NOT ask, and THEY DID NOT tell me.
Then why did you say your parent asked you to call first in the post above?
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:03 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post

It might have been a good idea to ask for clarification then.
I talked to them by phone, 6-8 times after October.
I visited their home in February.
I saw them at a family event in December.
During none of those occassions, was I reminded, to call first.
That is why, I think, what they told me in October, was a so called, off the cuff remark, not meant to be a rule, or their desire.

The next time I (successfully) visit there, I plan to ask them if they want me to call first. I'll push for a yes, or a no.
I'll also ask them:
a. what I should do,
b. or think,
c. or who I should contact,

If I get no answer to the phone call.

(emergencies do happen in real life)
I'm not on anyone's "call first" list, though.
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:10 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,792 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post

I visited early October and while I was there, my parent said "you should call me before you come." The way it was said, and the tone, did not sound like a rule, or their wish.

My parent has never told me they want me to call first. NEVER.

They joked about it in early October.

NEVER after that, on multiple phone calls, or the visit in Feb. did they REPEAT their rule, or their desire that I call first.
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:11 PM
 
Location: here
24,474 posts, read 28,767,996 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
I talked to them by phone, 6-8 times after October.
I visited their home in February.
I saw them at a family event in December.
During none of those occassions, was I reminded, to call first.
That is why, I think, what they told me in October, was a so called, off the cuff remark, not meant to be a rule, or their desire.

The next time I (successfully) visit there, I plan to ask them if they want me to call first. I'll push for a yes, or a no.
I'll also ask them:
a. what I should do,
b. or think,
c. or who I should contact,

If I get no answer to the phone call.

(emergencies do happen in real life)
I'm not on anyone's "call first" list, though.
Why would they, out of the blue, remind you to call first? You were already asked to the last time you visited. I don't know why you are having doubts about what they want.
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