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Old 03-22-2012, 05:14 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,757 times
Reputation: 18

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I made the next visit, today.
I was there over an hour, and during the conversation, I asked if they wanted me to call before I stop by. The answer for the first time ever, in a serious manner, was yes.
More than one reason was given.
So, that is the end of that matter.

I also asked what should I do, or think, if I call and get no answer, when in fact medical events happen in real life. I was told to think they were not home, or sleeping, or involved in some chore that prevented them from getting to the phone.

We did not discuss the letter I sent on the 19th, offering to give them a free telephone answering machine, so people could leave voice messages.

The possibility that there might be a medical emergency, was not on the lists of things I should think, or do, if I call, and get no answer.
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Old 03-22-2012, 05:34 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,235,817 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
I made the next visit, today.
I was there over an hour, and during the conversation, I asked if they wanted me to call before I stop by. The answer for the first time ever, in a serious manner, was yes.
More than one reason was given.
So, that is the end of that matter.

I also asked what should I do, or think, if I call and get no answer, when in fact medical events happen in real life. I was told to think they were not home, or sleeping, or involved in some chore that prevented them from getting to the phone.
I am baffled. You had to ask them what to think if they did not answer? That they might not be available did not occur to you? Medical events don't give people advanced notice that they should be available for the news.
Quote:
We did not discuss the letter I sent on the 19th, offering to give them a free telephone answering machine, so people could leave voice messages.

The possibility that there might be a medical emergency, was not on the lists of things I should think, or do, if I call, and get no answer.

Last edited by somebodynew; 03-22-2012 at 05:37 PM.. Reason: quote fail
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Old 03-22-2012, 05:43 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,757 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I am baffled. You had to ask them what to think if they did not answer? That they might not be available did not occur to you? Medical events don't give people advanced notice that they should be available for the news.
???????????????????????

I'm baffled by your baffle-ness.

Where do you live? On Mars? Or maybe the moon?

Have you ever heard of people who live alone, having strokes or heart attacks and die in their home = = = they can not answer the phone.

If your parent is over age 70, and you call and get no answer, and mail is accumulating in the box and papers in the box, you must want to find your loved one, in such an unattended condition, that the coroner won't even let you see the dead and grossly decayed body.

I've told my relatives. If you do not see me, or hear from me, after X numbes of days, MAYBE I'm dead, and you need to come enter my house in any way you can, even if you have to break the door down.
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Old 03-22-2012, 06:09 PM
 
Location: TX
32 posts, read 52,963 times
Reputation: 85
I'm baffled by how this went from having the common courtesy to call before showing up at someone's house to death and a grossly decayed body.
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Old 03-22-2012, 06:11 PM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,235,817 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
???????????????????????

I'm baffled by your baffle-ness.

Where do you live? On Mars? Or maybe the moon?

Have you ever heard of people who live alone, having strokes or heart attacks and die in their home = = = they can not answer the phone.
Ok so if there is that risk, there is tech for that. But you have two parents. What is the chance that they will both be incapacitated at the same time? Approaching zero.

Quote:
If your parent is over age 70, and you call and get no answer, and mail is accumulating in the box and papers in the box, you must want to find your loved one, in such an unattended condition, that the coroner won't even let you see the dead and grossly decayed body.

I've told my relatives. If you do not see me, or hear from me, after X numbes of days, MAYBE I'm dead, and you need to come enter my house in any way you can, even if you have to break the door down.
I fear for you.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:08 AM
 
30 posts, read 52,757 times
Reputation: 18
Some of you are ?????...
I feel sorry for your parent that lives alone, if you are going to call repeatedly and get no answer, and not consider they may be in need of medical.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I have one parent, over age 70, living alone, the other parent is deceased.
If I call my parent's house and get no answer and they are inside with medical problems and they can not get to the phone to call 911, they may be having a medical event that could result in death, heart attack, stroke, etc. .

And it could be many days until anyone SUSPECTS a problem.
THAT is exactly why no answer to phone calls, should include the possiblity that the person locked inside their house, is sick, or worse.

People who die inside their home, locked, and no one finds out for many days, Mother Nature does not preserve the body. It would be a grissly scene if someone who lives alone died, on a Monday and no one found out until Friday or Saturday. (That scene caused because the people who called, and never got an answer, all assumed they were just sleeping, or out to lunch, etc.)

My sibling lives several hours away. The cousin only speaks to my parent maybe 3 times a month. My parent literally lives alone and many days between contact with anyone.

At some point of phone calls not being answered, someone has to "consider" there is something wrong.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:27 AM
 
30 posts, read 52,757 times
Reputation: 18
It's hard to believe

that some of you would ignore the unanswered phone calls of your "live alone" parent

and not think that they may be in need of medical attention.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:34 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,235,817 times
Reputation: 14654
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
It's hard to believe

that some of you would ignore the unanswered phone calls of your "live alone" parent

and not think that they may be in need of medical attention.
How to say this in the kindest possible way. Your parent has told you what s/he wants. You seem to have chosen to ignore that for whatever reason. S/he told you back in October to phone before visiting. But you second guessed their meaning from their "tone". You asked the parent what to do/think in the event of an unanswered call. One unanswered call is not the end of the universe. The likelihood that a SEVENTY year old went to the store, is taking a nap or whatever is a great deal higher than lying on the floor. IF said seventy year old is at risk, then that seventy year old probably wants to look at a medical alert type product/service.

But honestly so far it seems like said parent is avoiding you because you are a massive pest.
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Old 03-23-2012, 07:45 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,947,374 times
Reputation: 2585
Now, we're talking about unanswered calls?

My mom's in her 60s. I would never just pop in on her without calling. But if she doesn't answer, I'm going to keep calling or come over to check on her. If she doesn't want me to do either of these things, she'll have to answer my call
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Old 03-23-2012, 08:39 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,981,424 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
???????????????????????

I'm baffled by your baffle-ness.

Where do you live? On Mars? Or maybe the moon?

Have you ever heard of people who live alone, having strokes or heart attacks and die in their home = = = they can not answer the phone.

If your parent is over age 70, and you call and get no answer, and mail is accumulating in the box and papers in the box, you must want to find your loved one, in such an unattended condition, that the coroner won't even let you see the dead and grossly decayed body.

I've told my relatives. If you do not see me, or hear from me, after X numbes of days, MAYBE I'm dead, and you need to come enter my house in any way you can, even if you have to break the door down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
Some of you are ?????...
I feel sorry for your parent that lives alone, if you are going to call repeatedly and get no answer, and not consider they may be in need of medical.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I have one parent, over age 70, living alone, the other parent is deceased.
If I call my parent's house and get no answer and they are inside with medical problems and they can not get to the phone to call 911, they may be having a medical event that could result in death, heart attack, stroke, etc. .

And it could be many days until anyone SUSPECTS a problem.
THAT is exactly why no answer to phone calls, should include the possiblity that the person locked inside their house, is sick, or worse.

People who die inside their home, locked, and no one finds out for many days, Mother Nature does not preserve the body. It would be a grissly scene if someone who lives alone died, on a Monday and no one found out until Friday or Saturday. (That scene caused because the people who called, and never got an answer, all assumed they were just sleeping, or out to lunch, etc.)

My sibling lives several hours away. The cousin only speaks to my parent maybe 3 times a month. My parent literally lives alone and many days between contact with anyone.

At some point of phone calls not being answered, someone has to "consider" there is something wrong.
You stop by twice in two months, and called half a dozen times since July. No offense, but I hardly think they are going to count on YOU to sound off the alarm bells if something is unusual in their routine.

I have family members that stop by unexpected, and always welcome. If they come and I am not home, they might come in, and be there when I get home, or if I'm on my way out, I have no worries to tell them to make themselves at home, or even leave a kid or two with them. They come often, so it really is not a big deal. If they called me and I was not at home, they would call back. They are the ones that would know if I was on a trip or in an emergency. If they couldn't reach me in a day after multiple calls (not just one), they would then become alarmed.

Now if I had a family member that I haven't seen in a few months just show up, and I'm on my way to the grocery store or a kid's game, I would be VERY unsettled, because I would of course want to visit with them, but might not be able to change my plans. I would think it BIZARRE if they then proceeded to ask what they should do if they called or stopped by once in several months, and if I was not available, what they should think or do?? I would probably just say.... Huhhh?? And if they wrote me a letter on the 19th, and expected an answer to it by the 22nd, I would really be questioning their sanity.
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