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Old 02-11-2012, 09:20 AM
 
30 posts, read 23,479 times
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Default When visiting a parent, call first?

sibling to me:
Why do you continue to go over to Father's house without calling first? It's only common courtesy.


I've never heard of such a rule of common courtesy.

Any opinions?
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
12,358 posts, read 9,698,362 times
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Do you mean you've never heard of "common courtesy"? Or the calling first part?

I've always understood common courtesy to mean the standard of etiquette that applies to society in general, or courtesy that comes from common sense. Sort of a "How would you want others to treat you?" way of looking at things.

So common courtesy would dictate that you don't just walk into someone's house or room without knocking, you don't skip someone in a line, etc.

I agree that, even though it's your dad, you should let him know you plan to come over. Would you want him to drop in on you all the time?

Maybe. As "they" say, Common sense is not so common.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: here
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You should probably give more info. Do your parents share custody 50-50? Do you have specified visitation days and times? How often? Are you showing up unannounced on non-visit days? Has your dad indicated that this is an issue? How old are you? Does you mom know you are going over there?
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: North Metro Atlanta
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Courtesy | What is the Definition of Courtesy? | Dictionary.com

Your Dad might have plans, or does not want to entertain you when you just pop in. Its one thing to stop by to drop/pickup something without calling. But to stop by and visit/eat a call 1st to find out if it a good time is in order.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:38 AM
 
Location: here
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I have never been in a situation where I lived with one parent and not the other. It would be nice to think that both places are your homes and you would be welcome whenever. BUT the bottom line is you don't live there (I assume) and showing up unannounced would be rude.

I would imagine that a lot of parents who share custody save their socializing and other activities for the days or weeks when their kids are with the other parent. Showing up announced could interrupt other plans that he has.

You've never heard of "common courtesy?" Really?
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:41 AM
 
30 posts, read 23,479 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post

Do you mean you've never heard of "common courtesy"? Or the calling first part?
Calling first.

I've never called, before visiting, my other parent (now deceased), other relatives like Uncles, Aunts, etc.
They have never called me, ahead of time.
I went to my Father's on Oct. 2nd, and Feb. 4th.
That does not sound like "being a pest" (2 times over 4 months)

I never go after dark, or in the morning, or during a meal time, and if I see another car in the drive way, I do not stop.

I've never had a relative tell me "it's a bad time" come back another day.
It's seems some rule being laid down by dear sibling, a rule just for me, with some curious motive.

I had one Uncle tell me he did not know why a son or daughter, could not visit their parent un-announced.
I've visited sick friends and relatives in the hospital, and never have I called first and never have they called me first.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:43 AM
 
30 posts, read 23,479 times
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Do your parents share custody 50-50?
........does not apply.......

Do you have specified visitation days and times?
.............it seems like sibling thinks so.........

How often?
...........Oct. 2nd and Feb. 4th........

Are you showing up unannounced on non-visit days?
........early afternoon, 1pm, 2pm. I'm not aware of any non-visit days......

Has your dad indicated that this is an issue?
........no.......

How old are you?
...........48........

Does you mom know you are going over there?
........she is deceased........
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
3,388 posts, read 1,722,721 times
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If your dad has no problem with it and the norm in your family is not to call first, then it seems you have a relationship problem with your sibling, rather than a visiting without calling problem with your parent.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: here
16,927 posts, read 13,866,478 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
Calling first.

I've never called, before visiting, my other parent (now deceased), other relatives like Uncles, Aunts, etc.
They have never called me, ahead of time.
I went to my Father's on Oct. 2nd, and Feb. 4th.
That does not sound like "being a pest" (2 times over 4 months)

I never go after dark, or in the morning, or during a meal time, and if I see another car in the drive way, I do not stop.

I've never had a relative tell me "it's a bad time" come back another day.
It's seems some rule being laid down by dear sibling, a rule just for me, with some curious motive.

I had one Uncle tell me he did not know why a son or daughter, could not visit their parent un-announced.
I've visited sick friends and relatives in the hospital, and never have I called first and never have they called me first.
It is not a rule made up by your sibling just for you. It is "common courtesy" practiced by almost everyone. I suppose I stopped by my parents house when I was just out of the nest and we hadn't really adjusted to being adults living in different places. I see no reason NOT to call first. A hospital visit is different. Hospitals have visiting hours, and patients are not likely to be busy, like they might be at home.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:49 AM
 
Location: here
16,927 posts, read 13,866,478 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janice35 View Post
Do your parents share custody 50-50?
........does not apply.......

Do you have specified visitation days and times?
.............it seems like sibling thinks so.........

How often?
...........Oct. 2nd and Feb. 4th........

Are you showing up unannounced on non-visit days?
........early afternoon, 1pm, 2pm. I'm not aware of any non-visit days......

Has your dad indicated that this is an issue?
........no.......

How old are you?
...........48........

Does you mom know you are going over there?
........she is deceased........
I was picturing a teen going to the other parents house on a non-specified day, not a 48 year old visiting a parent twice in 6 months.

I can't believe calling ahead is such a foreign concept to you.
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