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I told my kids that if they didn't behave, they would be getting lumps of coal for Christmas. Of course, then I had to explain what coal was. It backfired a bit, I think, because what did my 8 yr old son get from the explaination?:
Do not brush your teeth with toilet water (said to the 2-yr old - you know, the toilet bowl is a lot easier to reach than the sink when you decide to go brush your own teeth).
I told my kids that if they didn't behave, they would be getting lumps of coal for Christmas. Of course, then I had to explain what coal was. It backfired a bit, I think, because what did my 8 yr old son get from the explaination?:
"A rock that burns? Cool!"
Reminds me:
"Stop that, you sound like a broken record!"
"Daddy, what is a record? What does a broken record sound like?"
"Records are those things that we play on the victrola at Christmas that are kind of like a giant CD and. . . . - oh forget it, just stop saying the same thing over and over"
"Daddy, what is a record? What does a broken record sound like?"
"Records are those things that we play on the victrola at Christmas that are kind of like a giant CD and. . . . - oh forget it, just stop saying the same thing over and over"
And that reminds me. A few days ago, we watched The Proposal. Sandra Bullock is in Alaska and needs to get online, so Ryan Reynolds takes her to the only Internet cafe in town, a rinkydink place with a coin-operated computer. There was a tell-tale screech of a modem, and my husband and I laughed.
Daughter: What's that noise?
Me: Dial-up.
Daughter: What's that?
Me: Uh ... really slow Internet.
Daughter: Why does it make that noise?
Me: It's the modem.
Daughter: What's that?
Husband (to me): Face it, you're old.
Years ago (maybe 15 years ago) when my daughter was little, she had a friend over. We still had an old, corded, DIAL phone. I told her to call home and tell her mom she was over. She looked blankly at this mysterious object and then up at me and said "how do I do it?" Sigh.
"Either get a bigger bandaid or clot quickly. I don't want blood on the car seats." Said to my skateboarding son after he skinned his knee for the zillionth time.
These are hilarious. My favorite was to my nephew: "What did I say about licking your brother?" Not only did we have to talk about it...we had to talk about it REPEATEDLY! Found a bunch more at [url=http://www.parentssaythedarndestthings.com/]Parents Say the Darndest Things[/url] - you guys should post these there too!
Friend of mine, mother of 5yo pushing hard my 2yo girl , out of the blue, obviously making her cry.
Mother's voice like honey, all "New Age-y" and "enlightened":
"Johnny", (fictive name), what do you say to "Jenny" now?
How do you think she felt inside when you pushed her?
The boy mumbles something, looks away, completely disinterested, then leaves. Mom does nothing else about it, proud that she applied her "enlightened parenting" technique correctly.
This will most probably not sound like the "darndest thing" to many parents as it has become the "normal thing", but the entire situation was indeed surreal.
My 5 yo son would have been made to feel my disappointment about what he did - in his blood.
Oh, well. Times are changin'.
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