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Old 02-15-2012, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
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Reading this makes me shake my head and immediately feel very sorry for these siblings and embarrassed for the family -- mainly the parents -- that they don't place a priority on familial support. How sad for all involved. If you can't lean on your family, then who can you? Family secrets like these pave the way to therapy for major trust issues among a myriad of other things.

In my book, no, a child does not have a right to privacy as you describe, especially when they break the law and/or endanger their life or lives of others.

Last edited by Idlewile; 02-15-2012 at 09:12 PM..
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:04 PM
 
Location: here
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I think the damage that could be done when the younger sibs find out the parents lied could be worse than whatever they are afraid of happening if they are honest about it.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySead View Post
Um, idk, to show them that you can help each other out when there is a problem with someone in the family. But, if she is violent, or something I guess it wouldn't be a great idea. To be honest I haven't had to deal with this in my immediate family but I have a hard time thinking i'd let my daughter go alone to another state and get over something like this without her family. But that is just me I guess. I'd have her by me 24/7. Let the others know she needs extra help right now and we'd do the same for anyone in the family.
I guess I see drug addiction differently than just having some generic problem. Drug addicts are usually manipulative. They lie. They steal. I would not allow my younger kids to be in the presence of a drug addict, even if that addict was their sibling.

I do not think it is fair to subject the younger kids in the family to the dysfunction that comes with having an addict in the home. I don't think siblings should have to worry about having their money and other valuables stolen from them.

My oldest son will be 18 on Tuesday. There is very little that would cause me to toss him out of the house at his age, but illegal drug use is one thing that would cause me to put him out of the house. I will not subject my other kids to that environment.

I do not believe in enabling drug addicts. The longer they are enabled the worse the addiction becomes.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:18 PM
 
12,944 posts, read 19,901,434 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
Reading this makes me shake my head and immediately feel very sorry for these siblings and embarrassed for the family -- mainly the parents -- that they don't place a priority on familial support. How sad for all involved. If you can't lean on your family, then who can you? Family secrets like these pave the way to therapy for major trust issues among a myriad of other things.

In my book, no, a child does not have a right to privacy as you describe, especially when they break the law and/or endanger their life or lives of others.
The parents have been very supportive. I'm not sure what good it would do to bring a 12 and 8 year old into their drama.

But, I didn't mean to restrict this to drug addiction, which is an extreme case.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:35 PM
 
Location: On the Ohio River in Western, KY
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Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Perhaps, but that's not really what I was asking. Does a child have the right to an expectation of privacy if they get into trouble or should the siblings be made aware of the problem as a cautionary measure?
I do use them as fables; but omit/smooth over the really gritty stuff.

My DSD has been in a 72hr crisis intervention center for depression and "bad thoughts" before; we used he as an example with the other kiddos on why we should all communicate better, and yes we parents WILL listen and help if you really need it.

I use my BIL as an example ALL THE TIME; but then again he a 6x felon at the state pen due to him refusing help for drug addiction; they need to know we love them and WILL help, before they have to take on the world alone.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:12 PM
 
Location: On the Ohio River in Western, KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
Reading this makes me shake my head and immediately feel very sorry for these siblings and embarrassed for the family -- mainly the parents -- that they don't place a priority on familial support. How sad for all involved. If you can't lean on your family, then who can you?
How long can you give and give and give at the expense of other family members, before you have to give up on that family member?
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
The parents have been very supportive.
I don't doubt that they have; yet, whether they have or have not been supportive has nothing to do with your question or my concern for the situation you describe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I'm not sure what good it would do to bring a 12 and 8 year old into their drama.
Keeping these types of secrets causes hurt and distrust. They don't need to know every sorted detail past, present or future but they DO have the right to know, MORE so than the drug addict sibling has a right to privacy. The dishonesty will cause more pain in the long run than the truth will now.

But to each his own.
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,859 posts, read 4,717,408 times
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Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife View Post
How long can you give and give and give at the expense of other family members, before you have to give up on that family member?
I have no idea. I do not disagree with you on "give and give and give at the expense of other family members...". Either way, it's immaterial as I was responding to the OP's original line of questioning which is unrelated.
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