Meeting with Kindergarten Teacher about Son's Behavior (ADHD, ideas, teaching)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My 5 year old son's Kindergarten teacher and art teacher have requested a meeting with myself and my wife about my son's behavior. Can anyone else please share their experience as the best way to get through this? I am a little nervous about what I am going to hear and I tend to get very defensive about things. I acknowledge that he needs to work on controlling his behavior and follow directions. I just I feel like I have fallen short as a parent and this conference just validates that thought.
I think you need to go into this meeting with both you and your spouse. To have 2 teachers present it appears to be a little bit of a tag team. You are not falling short as a parent this is a child that learned to walk and talk 4 yrs ago.
I would let the teacher(s) speak do not make a comment until they have conveyed their thoughts. Do not make any agreement with them! Let them tell you what they are going to do to help him succeed in school they are the paid educators and they have had more experience in this field. Ask how you can support their efforts at home.
However, they have only had your son for maybe 8 wks in that amount of time he should be starting if not already have a pattern down. I can tell you as a mother of 3 I am still telling my 14 yr old son to brush his teeth in the morning. I also know that his science teacher admitted to parents during open house she sent off her daughter to college and was still reminding her to brush her teeth at that time.
Stick up for your child. He is 5 yrs old it is most likely his first year of school. He is getting used to the rules and how each teacher works. Calling a meeting this early in the year is ?. Let them know if he is not acting up at home then they need to change their teaching ways at school if he is acting up at home you do not need to tell them he is that is none of their business. They are teachers they have had experience with different children and each child is different and reacts to different stimuli just like us as an adult. I am not saying to take it with a grain of salt my children have good and bad days. We all do!!! Also my children are not angels, I am not either!
Good Luck! Remember they are paid educators that are overloaded at times but that is their job and the main objective of both parties involved here is to help your son succeed in school.
My advice to you is to not get defensive. Also, do not tell them to change the way they teach. Your son needs to get used to different styles of teaching and he isn't always going to get along with all his teachers. I say this having gone through this last year with my Kindergarten son. It's hard for them to have to sit all day and not have a lot of chances to get up and move around. At the same time, the kids need to follow the rules. How many chances do the teachers give before they drop down in color? I think the most important thing to remember is they want your son to succeed and so do you. So, make sure you work with them and not against them in helping him.
If my son came home on a red he was not allowed to watch any TV and he had to write sentences (this was a good way for him to work on his handwriting). I wasn't a fan of his teacher last year at all and quite frankly she had no business and no patience for teaching 5/6 year olds. She expected way to much from them. She should have been a 4th/5th grade teacher had she been asked to come back.
This happened to me while my son was in kindergarten. At first we were very defensive and upset. For us we had noticed things about my son's behaviour but I just kept thinking it was my fault he acted like he did. We calmed down by the meeting and we listened. They very calmly laid out what they saw and gently suggested we bring him to be evaluated. We did and he is on the spectrum. Not saying your son is by any stretch, just saying go in with an open mind. Good luck and try not to stress out about it!
We have totally been there! Here's what I would recommend.
Bring your spouse! Really important.
Don't be combative. Be quiet and listen.
Be willing to get a private evaluation if they recommend it (assuming you have insurance).But feel free to be skeptical of it too.
Have your discipline plan at home ready to share. This was big for us, sometimes teachers think that you're just a lazy parent, when I brought a printed out overview of the steps we took at home it had an impact.
Also, feel free to ask what they're doing to help your son and how you can work together, in kindergarten this is an expected part of their job.
Finally, don't despair. Preschool and kindergarten were the worst. My son was diagnosed with adhd in preschool! Now in third grade he's just a little more energetic than normal, a straight A student, and no one would diagnose him with anything. That may or may not be the case with your son but frankly I think some boys just shouldn't be in school until around 7yrs old
We have totally been there! Here's what I would recommend.
Finally, don't despair. Preschool and kindergarten were the worst. My son was diagnosed with adhd in preschool! Now in third grade he's just a little more energetic than normal, a straight A student, and no one would diagnose him with anything. That may or may not be the case with your son but frankly I think some boys just shouldn't be in school until around 7yrs old
That's another worry of mine, is that they are going to tell us that they suspect ADD or ADHD. Given the complexity of the ADD/ADHD assessment, I would be extremely opposed to suggestion of medication.
I think you need to go into this meeting with both you and your spouse. To have 2 teachers present it appears to be a little bit of a tag team.
They aren't trying to tag team him. In elementary school the primary teacher is almost always at conferences, whether the problem is in her class or not. She is sort of the child's "parent" at school. That the Art teacher is there indicates there is an issue in Art class.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's
He is 5 yrs old it is most likely his first year of school. He is getting used to the rules and how each teacher works. Calling a meeting this early in the year is ?
They are calling a meeting, as you put it, this early in the year, because there is a problem that has shown up this early in the year. These are people who most likely have a lot of experience with children this age, they know when something is a problem that needs to be addressed. That they are calling a conference about it means that, whatever the issue is, this is not what the average child does. It also means that in one way or another it is interfering in the child's education. It may also be interfering in education of every other child in the classroom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's
Let them know if he is not acting up at home then they need to change their teaching ways at school
No. What is acceptable or tolerable behavior in a one-on-one, or even two-on-one, situation such as with children and their parents may be totally inappropriate in a group situation. Additionally, behavior that is no big deal when just hanging around the house can be downright destructive when the goal is to educate. Your child staring off in space is nothing to even consider when not in school - it is a huge problem in school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's
if he is acting up at home you do not need to tell them he is that is none of their business.
Seriously?!?!? How you address an issue that is seen strictly at school is different than how one that expresses itself everywhere is addressed. The school and the teacher are not out to get you or your child. They are not judging your parenting - they just want to educate your child and all the other children in that class.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3a's
Remember they are paid educators that are overloaded at times but that is their job and the main objective of both parties involved here is to help your son succeed in school.
Well, at least on that we can agree.
__________________
When I post in bold red that is moderator action and, per the TOS, can only be discussed through Direct Message.
That's another worry of mine, is that they are going to tell us that they suspect ADD or ADHD. Given the complexity of the ADD/ADHD assessment, I would be extremely opposed to suggestion of medication.
We didn't medicate. That's not entirely true, we medicated for two days or something. Whether or not you medicate is up to you...not them. If they suspect adhd just nod your head and say "we'll look into that." Remember that they are not doctors and can't insist that you medicate.
Also, I have to tell you that what really worked for us was moving our son to a small private school. Not a special school or anything just somewhere with more recess and smaller class sizes. If that's in your financial means you may want to look into it.
You are way jumping the gun. Listen to symptoms and just absorb what they are saying. Then, IF NECESSARY, get some more professional review. You see one side of your child and they are seeing another. He is young and maybe needs just some more structure or something. But listen, ask questions, write it down, go home and think about it.
They can suspect anything they want but it is way too soon with way too little info to make any decisions.
I acknowledge that he needs to work on controlling his behavior and follow directions.
You and your wife already know that something needs to be done so try and find out how you all can work together. They might have great ideas. But you cannot expect a teacher to resolve all a child's known behavior problems when it persists at home. Document what you both have already done and whether you are able to do it consistently.
That's another worry of mine, is that they are going to tell us that they suspect ADD or ADHD. Given the complexity of the ADD/ADHD assessment, I would be extremely opposed to suggestion of medication.
They aren't going to suggest medication - they aren't doctors. They most likely are going to highly suggest that you talk to your family doctor about what's going on at school and ask that you help them figure out what is interfering with his education. Whether your child goes on medication is TOTALLY up to you and is a decision you should make only after careful consideration of everything going on and having an honest, frank discussion with your child's doctor.
__________________
When I post in bold red that is moderator action and, per the TOS, can only be discussed through Direct Message.
Moderator - Diabetes and Kentucky (including Lexington & Louisville)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
