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Old 02-16-2012, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,218,014 times
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So anyone who has kids has had to make hard decisions at some point or another. My DH was recently offered a job 1700 miles from our hometown. The job is only marginally better than the 1 he has now but the quality of living and potentially for growth is much better.

We are having so much trouble deciding if this is the right choice for our family.

Im afraid that uprooting him to move him from everything he knows will be detrimental but on the other hand he is only 4 and kids are way resilient.

If potentially it doesnt work out then we have to repeat the process again. Please help with some insight!!!
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Old 02-16-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,948,214 times
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First, obviously, you want to have as unbiased a view as possible of the new company's stability (Layoffs and terminations both in general and for the specific job he'd be taking, how long they've been in business and how long the position has existed). You also want to have plenty of money saved to cover all your expenses for at least one month (some would suggest longer) or move back, if it came to that.

Second, your husband must determine how confident he feels that he can perform this new job. If it's something (similar to what) he's been doing, there probably isn't much to worry about. If it's an entirely different sort of work, this is the time to ask as many "What if..." questions as possible.

I really wouldn't worry about your 4-year old not adjusting. But consider how the new location compares when it comes to the quality of education and recreational activities. Also, you might take a look at certain statistics, namely crime per capita.

Please keep in mind that the quality of your hometown is not necessarily more important than the quality of his job. The latter can become a source of everyday stress, depending on his personality and, frankly, the qualities of your relationship.

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Last edited by golfgal; 02-16-2012 at 12:58 PM.. Reason: links to that site are against the TOS
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Old 02-16-2012, 11:51 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,623,527 times
Reputation: 5534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
So anyone who has kids has had to make hard decisions at some point or another. My DH was recently offered a job 1700 miles from our hometown. The job is only marginally better than the 1 he has now but the quality of living and potentially for growth is much better.

We are having so much trouble deciding if this is the right choice for our family.

Im afraid that uprooting him to move him from everything he knows will be detrimental but on the other hand he is only 4 and kids are way resilient.

If potentially it doesnt work out then we have to repeat the process again. Please help with some insight!!!
At 4 it's not going to affect him as much as it would in a few years. However how much better will the quality of living be? Will you be further or closer to family? Are you close to your family?
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Old 02-16-2012, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,218,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
At 4 it's not going to affect him as much as it would in a few years. However how much better will the quality of living be? Will you be further or closer to family? Are you close to your family?
We are near his family and far from mine. But we arent particularly close with either side, mostly because of family spreading out and some past mistakes (before we got married) that his family cant overcome.

Im from the country and would like to raise my child with that same lifestyle. We live in the suburbs of philadelphia now and there is just to much. Ugh soooo hard!
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Old 02-16-2012, 11:59 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,623,527 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
We are near his family and far from mine. But we arent particularly close with either side, mostly because of family spreading out and some past mistakes (before we got married) that his family cant overcome.

Im from the country and would like to raise my child with that same lifestyle. We live in the suburbs of philadelphia now and there is just to much. Ugh soooo hard!
Then i say go for it dave! You will regret it down the line if you don't, and always have the 'what if' mentality. I say move, and see where things take you .
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,218,014 times
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Thanks Vic!
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:05 PM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,756,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
So anyone who has kids has had to make hard decisions at some point or another. My DH was recently offered a job 1700 miles from our hometown. The job is only marginally better than the 1 he has now but the quality of living and potentially for growth is much better.

We are having so much trouble deciding if this is the right choice for our family.

Im afraid that uprooting him to move him from everything he knows will be detrimental but on the other hand he is only 4 and kids are way resilient.

If potentially it doesnt work out then we have to repeat the process again. Please help with some insight!!!
Were you looking to move, and that's why he applied for the job, or was it offered out of nowhere?

We moved over 1000 miles from our home town when ours were almost 2 and almost 4. It was "now or never" because I knew we wouldn't want to once they started school. The job was marginally better, maybe. the starting pay was less, and I gave up my job to move.

The up side is we now live in an overall better place for the kids to grow up. It is better in every way, except that the grandparents are back home. all you can do is look at the pros and cons, and what you hope to gain from the move.

I know some people move for jobs all the time. Personally, where we live, and our quality of life outside of work is more important to me than the job itself. I hope that makes sense. We wouldn't have moved just for a better job. that's just us, though.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,218,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Were you looking to move, and that's why he applied for the job, or was it offered out of nowhere?

We moved over 1000 miles from our home town when ours were almost 2 and almost 4. It was "now or never" because I knew we wouldn't want to once they started school. The job was marginally better, maybe. the starting pay was less, and I gave up my job to move.

The up side is we now live in an overall better place for the kids to grow up. It is better in every way, except that the grandparents are back home. all you can do is look at the pros and cons, and what you hope to gain from the move.

I know some people move for jobs all the time. Personally, where we live, and our quality of life outside of work is more important to me than the job itself. I hope that makes sense. We wouldn't have moved just for a better job. that's just us, though.
He did apply for the job, on the sort of off chance that perhaps they would be interested. We talked about the possibilities and made lists along the whole process you know "if they offer this then yes" sort of things and the answers have always been what we want to hear. It pays less, but the cost of living is offset. But there is also a very good rate increase schedule. Quality of living for my son is very important and is a huge consideration. I mean an amazing job offer in the middle of a city is just not worth it in the long run. And I agree, now or never. He hasnt started school so that isnt an issue and im worried if we pass on it now there wont be another opportunity.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:17 PM
 
Location: here
24,473 posts, read 28,756,384 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave5150 View Post
He did apply for the job, on the sort of off chance that perhaps they would be interested. We talked about the possibilities and made lists along the whole process you know "if they offer this then yes" sort of things and the answers have always been what we want to hear. It pays less, but the cost of living is offset. But there is also a very good rate increase schedule. Quality of living for my son is very important and is a huge consideration. I mean an amazing job offer in the middle of a city is just not worth it in the long run. And I agree, now or never. He hasnt started school so that isnt an issue and im worried if we pass on it now there wont be another opportunity.
oh, so the job is in a city, and you don't want to live in a city?

It was a little more clear-cut with us. I think we'd have been crazy not to do it.
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Old 02-16-2012, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Jersey
870 posts, read 1,218,014 times
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No we live in philadelphia, i grew up on a dirt road in nc. This new job is in North dakota. If he got offered an amazing job in NYC, we wouldnt take it because it isnt worth it. I would rather live in the middle of nowhere
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