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Old 02-24-2012, 10:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
Speaking of raising children with a sense of importance.

Assuming your children are indeed very intelligent, so intelligent they are clearly smarter than 50% of the adults out there (waow) - and you still wouldn't have to leave them with the impression that they are smarter than those adults.
Intelligence has nothing to do with age. In fact, both of their IQ's came back in the top 5%. But that is not what I was referring to in the slightest. Intelligence is nothing to be proud of. It is born into you.

I was referring to their maturity. They are better behaved than many immature grown ups that I know.
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
"more interesting than" does not mean "smarter than"
Yup.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
Could it be that you find more interesting what the child does/says instead of what an adult has to say because you see the child as an extention of yourself? Oh, the inherent "interesting"-ness of mini-me-s!
Actually I think my children are interesting because they come up with interesting topics to discuss. My 8 year old brought up a question that we discussed the other day. If we are free in our country to beleive what we want, why is "under god" in our pledge of allegiance. This lead to a discussion of the red scare. As the conversation progressed it became a conversation about what it means to pledge allegiance. She had some interesting thoughts on what allegiance might mean that we are pledging that I had never thought of. That is a pretty interesting conversation.

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This is exactly one of the fundamental differences between today's generation of parents and those of yesterday:
Yah we actually think of children as the people that they are instead of some kind of accoutrement.

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parents found quite interesting what other adults had to say (it was called having an actual marriage and a social life which children were invited to step away from) and much less interested in what their children had to say.
They were more likely to expect the child to pay attention to THEM (and other important adults in their life, aka the teachers) than for THEM to pay attention to the child.
Conversations are usually bidirectional. They listen to me as well.

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This has changed today. We al have "mini-me"-s and what they say/do/prefer/breathe at every step of the way it is way more important than what any adult has to say.
Huh. That is certainly not what I am experiencing.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Actually, I've known children who are in the top percentiles of intelligence. VASTLY smarter than the average adult.

Without being taught manners and how to behave in public they can be just as rude and annoying as anyone else.
100% agree.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Huh. That is certainly not what I am experiencing.
Yes. We look at reality and view different things. That's because we depart from fundamentally different premises and definitions of the same concept.

What does a "well-behaved" child look like?

What does a "smart" child look like?

What does an engaging and interesting conversation look like?

What does a parent over-focused on the child look like?


As interesting as your discussion with your 8 yo sounds, in my world that would be reserved for a time specifically set aside when mom spends some time with the child. His ability to talk about "freedom" would not be a reason to say that I always prefer the company of my child to that of adults, including in restaurants, during leisure, or whenever.

As interesting as what you're describing might sound, the adults I know would turn that conversation into something a whole lot more sophisticated - something that a child's brain is simply not yet able to deal with... beacause...hmmm...not enough years have passed since he was born. It's called life experience, wisdom, advanced education ("dated" concepts, I know).

When I am with adults (and yes, I tend to surround myself with intelligent adults who burn to converse/debate, which is why we'd rather not have jr. around in those moments in the first place), then I do not need to lower myself to a simpler way of thinking.

Sometimes, I expect to not have to act as teacher/mentor/facilitator. I do that MOST of the times; can I have at least some moments when I can perhaps become the disciple? And my child is surely not the one who will be my mentor. Sometimes I just expect to have vigorous intellectual conversation at truly adult level - in peace and quiet.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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Just another reason to be glad we don't go out to eat much. My food is better, my house is more comfortable, and I don't have to worry that having a conversation with the children offends somebody because kids should be seen and not heard.

Viva la dinner table.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Just another reason to be glad we don't go out to eat much. My food is better, my house is more comfortable, and I don't have to worry that having a conversation with the children offends somebody because kids should be seen and not heard.

Viva la dinner table.
What? No food fights at Casa Julia!
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:22 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
What? No food fights at Casa Julia!
Hilariously* enough, we did have a food fight once, but it was between the adults. My husband started it by putting ketchup in his sister's hair.

* Not super hilarious immediately afterward, when we had to remove mashed potatoes from Venetian blinds.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
Yes. We look at reality and view different things. That's because we depart from fundamentally different premises and definitions of the same concept.

What does a "well-behaved" child look like?
Specifically as it relates to restaurants? It looks the same as a well behaved grown up. S/he speaks in a conversational (aka low) tone of voice. S/he says please and thank you to the server. S/he does not bother any other patrons. S/he is tidy,

What does well behaved look like to you?

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What does a "smart" child look like?

What does an engaging and interesting conversation look like?
I shared that in another post.

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What does a parent over-focused on the child look like?
I have no idea. Tonight is date night with my husband. Kids are going to the in-laws!

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As interesting as your discussion with your 8 yo sounds, in my world that would be reserved for a time specifically set aside when mom spends some time with the child. His ability to talk about "freedom" would not be a reason to say that I always prefer the company of my child to that of adults, including in restaurants, during leisure, or whenever.
It was my daughter, not my son. Discussions of history, politics are interesting. My husband, friends and I discuss it all the time. Oh religion too! Perhaps not topics you are interested in.

And who said I *always* prefer the company of my children to others?
Quote:
As interesting as what you're describing might sound, the adults I know would turn that conversation into something a whole lot more sophisticated - something that a child's brain is simply not yet able to deal with...
You are making an awful lot of assumptions about the conversation, I am thinking. Or about some children's brains? I am not sure which.

Quote:
beacause...hmmm...not enough years have passed since he was born. It's called life experience, wisdom, advanced education ("dated" concepts, I know).

When I am with adults (and yes, I tend to surround myself with intelligent adults who burn to converse/debate, which is why we'd rather not have jr. around in the first place), then I do not need to lower myself to a simpler way of thinking.

Sometimes, I expect to not have to act as teacher/mentor/facilitator.
I just expect to have vigorous intellectual conversation at truly adult level - in peace and quiet.

It is sad that your only interaction with your children is teacher/mentor/facilitator. I am glad I don't always have to act in that capacity and can sometimes just enjoy ourselves.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
11,853 posts, read 5,251,220 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Hilariously* enough, we did have a food fight once, but it was between the adults. My husband started it by putting ketchup in his sister's hair.

* Not super hilarious immediately afterward, when we had to remove mashed potatoes from Venetian blinds.
Haha! We were once in a restaurant, a large group of adults. My husband is sitting next to me deeply engaged in conversation with someone on the other side of where he was sitting. He picked up a ketchup bottle and starts to shake it, carries on with the conversation not noticing that he is shaking ketchup ALL OVER me. Not my best moment of polite spousal communication.
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