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My wife and I always were (and still are) steadfast in our approach. When our kids were that age, we absolutely reinforced good behaviors and absolutely showed disdain or disapproval of bad behaviors. It was repetition, repetition, repetition. At 10 months, it may have been a subtle response from us, like a very calm, "no- we don't do that!" and try and show them the right behavior and then praise them. The key was always being steadfast and constant- no wavering! That really worked well for us. It even helped to reinforce good behaviors in church and places like that. Unacceptable behavior led to immediate removal (not anger) and was not a 'happy thing' to happen. Eventually our children became very tuned to this and voila! Behavior like angels.
The whole notion of discipline is absolutely adhered to in this house-
1 a lack of proper parental discipline: control, training, teaching, instruction, regulation, direction, order, authority, rule, strictness, a firm hand; routine, regimen, drill, drilling.
2 he was able to maintain discipline among his men: good behavior, orderliness, control, obedience; self-control, self-discipline, self-government, self-restraint.
It has absolutely nothing to do with punishment. Punishment is often assumed with discipline, but punishment is considered a method or a means to create discipline and we don't do that.
It has everything to do with consistency with regards to proper behavior. Everywhere, everything- all the time.
What are you tips? It's been five years since I've dealt with a baby, so I've actually forgotten what I did with my first daughter. Our second, Anji, isn't so overtly strong willed like her sister; however, she can be pretty determined. Unlike her sister, she learned how to walk early and has succeeded in getting into all sorts of trouble. She likes to get reactions from people..i.e. she pinches someone just to see their reaction. If someone reacts sharply to her (i.e. "No Anji!"), she proceeds to cry, as if to say "you told me no? how dare you!" Another thing she's doing lately is nudging my chin to the side forcefully, almost as if slapping it but without the force. She does this, again, to get a reaction.
Tonight she tore off her bib. Told her no, and put it back on. She worked at it again and tore it off. Put it firmly back on. She was extra willful tonight and kept tearing it off, and I kept putting it back on. I tried re-direct/distraction and that worked momentarily before she was at it again.
Also, it seems as if a male voice gets her attention more than a female voice. If I tell her no, she looks at me as if I had two faces. Her father tells her no, and she reacts with a cry/frown. Mind you, I am not saying no in a laughing/happy go lucky sort of way.
Thanks!
For one -- choose your battles.
With babies that young, I would only think to discipline if it's something harmful like them sticking something into an electric outlet.
I don't see the point in forcing a baby to keep a bib on, just take off their shirt and let them have at it.
The title of your thread is ridiculous - you do not "discipline" a ten-month old. That is abusive, in my book, period.
Then you described a ridiculous power struggle with the bib . . . you got down on your baby's level and "showed her" who's boss . . .I can't imagine that was a very pleasant experience . . .
I hope you are correct and you are not abusive . . .that is why I suggested perhaps you are simply immature . . .but parenting classes could help, in any case.
I agree -- a baby that young does not understand and should not be expected to "behave", they act like babies because they are babies. There's no point in forcing anything -- especially when you really want to encourage them to have minds of their own except when it comes to things that are dangerous to them.
Even if a little baby is acting "stubborn", the baby is likely hungry or tired or frustrated. One time the baby might want the bib off, the next time wants the bib on.
If you never worry about disciplining a child until the child is age 18 months or 2 years of age, it's okay.
You sound very immature to get into a power struggle with an infant.
You don't "discipline" babies - you love them and nurture them and redirect them when you need to and ignore the behavior you don't like and praise the behavior you do like.
You sound possibly abusive. Can you take a parenting class or something?
If you understood the meaning of "discipline", you would NEVER have said this. Of course you discipline an infant. 10 months is too late to start.
Discipline includes the showing of positive behaviors, both modeled and rewarded. Did you never smile at a baby or laugh when it laughed? That is discipline. Did you never hold a crying baby? THAT is discipline. Discipline is not a negative. It may include negative reactions - frowny faces, serious voice, quiet voice, absence of smiling, laughing, clapping, holding, etc. but true discipline is not abusive. It is a means of changing, eliciting, extinguishing behaviors.
Time to take a behavioralism class or something?
OP, you've gotten some helpful specifics in terms of changing/molding your child's behavior. And you've gotten some truly ridiculous responses. Go with the former.
There are some excellent websites and books on behavior modification - which is what you seek to do - it is the most commonly used form of discipline and the most humanistic. When I first began my psych studies, I identified as a humanist. The more I studied, the more I came to see how very humanistic behavior mod actually is. Don't be afraid of it - somehow the term beh.mod has taken on a negative connotation. As a mother of 3+4(steps) and 15 total grandkids (blended families), I can tell you it works. Here's how:
First is to define the specific behaviors you want to change/eliminate - you have defined 2: face pushing and pinching. One needs to be changed and the second needs to be stopped. The first can be done by subverting the behavior. When you feel her push your face or see it coming on, take her hand and guide it into a loving gesture such as stroking. You can mimic the loving gesture with your other hand on her face. The pinching you've already gotten good advice - and I second that - pouty face, ow, and put distance between her and whomever she has pinched.
Any kind of reaction - negative or positive - is going to reward the behavior as she is looking for reaction. Part of that is simply learning - what reaction will I get if I do this? It's a healthy part of the learning process.
For bib removal, I'd make the lesson - no bib = meal is done. It's not a punishment, it's a consequence of her behavior. Let it be her choice: bib off, out of the high chair. She wants in the high chair, bib goes on. LOL I know, there will be a few days of your frustration as you lift her in and out of the high chair repeatedly. Stay calm, try not to laugh or show anger.
There are other means
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrammasCabin
I didn't have as strong a reaction to this question as imcurious, however, he/she is right. You don't "dicipline" a 10-month old baby. You remove any hazards that may harm and you replace negatives with positives. Play with that baby and have a ball, so what if she doesn't want the bib on, make a game, giggle and put it on yourself.
What I mean is don't worry so much, give her room and permission to be a baby, if you don't like the behaviour, i.e. pushing your chin, remove the chin.
And THAT - removing the chin - is a form of discipline. It is behavior changing.
10 months is too young to discipline or put a child in time out. This is the time to nurture, treat with love. The only thing you can do is repetitive actions. Every time she does something she shouldn't just stop her and say "not a good idea". Keep repeating. But at this age, discipline?
I nanny and I have a son. Both of the kids i nanny are in this age range. If B hits me or pushes my face or pulls my hair, i remove his hand put it down by his side and tell him firmly, "No B, we dont do that it hurts" if he continues, i put him down. If he pinches me, i tell him firmly no. He will eventually stop. If he is going somewhere he isnt supposed to, i walk up to him, turn him around and give him a pat on the tush to encourage him to walk that direction and say "no B we dont go in the kitchen" Mind: pat not swat! At this age, discipline consists of redirecting to a more appropriate behavior. And if your child truly wont stop pulling off the bib, buy the ones that look like mock turtlenecks that go over the head until they get over it.
What are you tips? It's been five years since I've dealt with a baby, so I've actually forgotten what I did with my first daughter. Our second, Anji, isn't so overtly strong willed like her sister; however, she can be pretty determined. Unlike her sister, she learned how to walk early and has succeeded in getting into all sorts of trouble. She likes to get reactions from people..i.e. she pinches someone just to see their reaction. If someone reacts sharply to her (i.e. "No Anji!"), she proceeds to cry, as if to say "you told me no? how dare you!" Another thing she's doing lately is nudging my chin to the side forcefully, almost as if slapping it but without the force. She does this, again, to get a reaction.
Tonight she tore off her bib. Told her no, and put it back on. She worked at it again and tore it off. Put it firmly back on. She was extra willful tonight and kept tearing it off, and I kept putting it back on. I tried re-direct/distraction and that worked momentarily before she was at it again.
Also, it seems as if a male voice gets her attention more than a female voice. If I tell her no, she looks at me as if I had two faces. Her father tells her no, and she reacts with a cry/frown. Mind you, I am not saying no in a laughing/happy go lucky sort of way.
Thanks!
I think if a sweet lil gal came up to me and pinched me...I might swoop her into the air and shower her with kisses....she'd definately get a positive reaction from me if she nudged me as well....like maybe a tickle, or a big smile....she sounds like she just wants (like you said) a reaction...I'd go with the positive....I mean how annoying can a sweet lil 10 month old be?...As for the bib incident....I personally would have let it go...or get the kind that snaps behind her...something she can't rip off......I would just put an old shirt on the youngins if they were messy eaters, and take it off after..........right now, I gather, you are the one who spends the most time with her??..that would be why she listens more to Daddy, and cries if he says no....when you tell her she just thinks no!! when daddy tells her...it hurts her feelings.....enjoy the little one.
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