It sounds like you are comparing her to people in your life that you find things in them that YOU like.
You like that your son was in youth group because its also something that YOU liked.
Your daughter doesn't like youth group so it causes a rift between you and her.
It sounds like because she is starting to get a lot different than you and isn't liking the same things anymore that you're starting to feel hurt because you WANT your daughter to be like you.
I understand this completely, I've been going through this with my mom since I was 11 years old.
She holds our differences against me, "Why can't you like this?" "Why can't you dress like this?" etc etc.
I understand how hard it must be for my mom to see that I am not the way she pictured, I like things and act differently than she does but like your daughter, I have to be true to myself and be me, like the things I like.
This whole thing between you and your daughter is similiar to what I have been going through.
School /= church.
School is one thing, you can go to school in ripped jeans, sweats, whatever pretty much but church you have to get all dressed up, sit through listening to things you probably don't believe in.
1 hour is a lot if it's not something you believe in or want to hear.
1 hour in church for me and I would be a very miserable person.
You're one of those band aid parents.
You baid aid the issue by simple punishing the behavior by taking eveything away THINKING it solves the problems.
You won't get to the ROOT of the issue because you don't believe in their being a root of the issues, its just all bad behavior to you that needs to be punished with taking something away.
ALL that does is CONFIRM to your teen that you ACTUALLY don't get what they are feeling or WHY they are acting out.
Have fun in baid aid parenting.
Yes but again you cannot compare school to church...
When I was in college I was taking classes I WANTED to take, yes sometimes sitting there for a few hours was very boring but it was stuff I WANTED to go learn.
Church is not something EVERYONE wants to go learn at. I would not want to sit through church, it's not something I want to hear or believe in, I wouldn't want to go and be forced to listen to the stuff they say when it interfered with what I believed.
I disagree, A LOT of CHILDREN know right from wrong, so do pretty much all teenagers, unless they are budding sociopaths with a tendency to kill things.
Morally what is right to one person doesn't have to be morally right to another but teens still know right from wrong, even if they don't have the same morals as someone super moral.
1. You SHOULD ignore it. Remember when they were little, you IGNORE the behavior, I am pretty sure if you ignored it, she'd stop doing it so much, she gets a rise out of you and does it because of that rise.
No! You don't want to do that, you don't want to take away something like that. That's GOOD for her. I don't believe in taking children/teens out of stuff like work/sports for bad behavior. It's not rewarding them for bad behavior, they have COMMITMENT to those things, they have to keep that commitment. You're not teaching them anything good by pulling them out of it. When kids are acting up they NEED those sports or that job or put in MORE things. When you take kids who are acting up out of GOOD POSITIVE things like sports teams, you give them a lot of free time, to go find other probably less positive things to get into.
Again, you're giving her something YOU want, not what she wants.
I know that makes HER sound selfish but you can't expect her to WANT the same things you do for her party.
Its frustrating to have someone going here lets do this, I have this all planned out, this is going to be this way, that is going to be that way....when what you want is completely different, you're grateful that someone wants to do something for you but at the same time you just want them to see that they need to stop centering it on what THEY want.
When you do something for someone else, it shouldn't be centered around what YOU want, it should be what THEY want.
I recently planned a birthday party for TG, if I had planned it the way I wanted, we would have been downtown Denver, looking hot and ready to have a endless night but I knew his family is very important to him so I got with them and planned a huge suprise dinner for him because I knew it was some HE wanted.
Things like that you need to focus on what THAT person wants, to a degree, if its out of budget and unreasonable then of course you can't but if its just something different that you wouldn't have picked, you still go along with it.
Right now she wants attention, you're giving her attention but in all the wrong ways. Spend some time with her but ask her what SHE wants to go do, instead of forcing her to go do things YOU like.
Quit band aid parenting.
Get to the bottom of what's going first, HELP your daughter, find out what SHE is going through. You focusing on HELPING your daughter and finding out what's going on with her and how she's feeling you're never going to get a serene home, you're just going to have a resentful daughter who doesn't think you truly care about what's going on and all she'll see is that YOU want her to change and then she'll grow up with a complex about not being good enough.
I understand not liking the swearing but quit REACTING when she does it and she'll quit.
And yes you pay the bills and yes you can put your foot down.....but not down her throat, stomping the religion snugly in there.
If at this point in her life she doesn't want to attend church, don't make her, like someone else said you'll make her hate church and if she believes now she'll stop believing.
And again you're comparing, she isn't chealsea clinton, she is (insert name here), she is HERSELF. I guess you think putting her in everything she does will make her like one of these successful people and that KEEPING her in religion will make her this wonderful person and if she deviates from any of this she won't be a good person.
News flash, not all non-religious people are heathens from hell. I am not religious, I don't believe in god but I am also not a bad person and I am saying this because I sort of take offense to your statements because it feels like you think non-church goers won't turn out to be great people.
I've volunteered, I am smart, I am a nice person, I don't harm others, I have goals in life.
Even if your daughter swears and doesn't like church, she's still a good person, even if you think you've lost "HER" because of the changes.
And at 15 turning 16, yes I would let her choose a religion.
When I have kids, once they get of a certain age, if they want to attend with their friends families to try out different things, they can go right ahead but my kids will know it is up to THEM what they believe in and I will accept everything but that fundiecrap but I also won't be attending anything because it goes against what *I* believe in but they are ALWAYS free to believe what they want, as long as they don't show up at my house looking like a duggar/amish/fundie anything.
She's obviously old enough to have her OWN feelings about church, she's old enough to stay home alone legally, I would say its about time it was HER decision.
And making church mandatory in a household where not all people like church IS oppresive.
I speak from personal experience here when I say this.
No amount of making her sit through church and continue going is going to make the outcome of her beliefs and attendance sway in your favor, in fact it might just push her away from you and church.
I knew at age 10ish, that I didn't believe in god, I started questioning things, started seeing things that didn't add up to me, I hated going to church, even at 10, I absolutely hated it, frilly uncomforatable dresses I was forced to wear, listening to things that I didn't believe in, luckily my mom saw this and she didn't press the issue with me, I was free to believe what I wanted. She tried again with youth groups as a tween but I still didn't like them then and I tried youth group as well when I was about 16 or 17 and I still didn't like it. Church and religion is not for everyone.
I am not attacking you, I am trying my best to help you.
You have to see religion is a delicate subject and you cannot force another person when it comes to religion, sure you can MAKE her go but that WILL backfire on you.