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Old 03-03-2012, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,436 posts, read 3,044,008 times
Reputation: 2388
Quote:
Originally Posted by subject2change View Post
You mentioned the Bush girls earlier. Yes they've grown up into responsible young women, but if you remember when he was in the White House, they were known for being wild and getting into trouble.
A 15 year old girl can be one of the most unpleasant things on the face of the earth. If I woke up tomorrow and my 21 year old daughter was 15 again, I'd break down and cry. If my 15-year-old self showed up on the doorstep, I'd want to slam the door in her face. You have the right to set your rules, and not accept things that many others do. Just don't expect to be able to change her attitude. It's a crazy, hormonal, confused, self-centered time of life, and nothing you do will change that. Just do whatever you can to de-stress, and try not to take her attitude personally (hard, I know). As the parent of a 15 year old girl you need to develop a very thick skin. Like others said, it will pass. I promise.
If my 15 year old self showed up at the door id ask her the secret to time travel THEN give her a much needed make over THEN make bank on "discovering" time travel...

JUST SAYIN'

 
Old 03-03-2012, 08:24 PM
 
10,765 posts, read 8,784,091 times
Reputation: 15186
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppySead View Post
All I get from this is "thou can giveth and thou can taketh away"
I guess you won! Congrats! Hopefully they will have the "happy house" again for a while. Hope it works out for her even though I'm pretty sure she won't forget her adoptive mom see's her as an unbearable, unpleasant, manipulative, conforming little do nothing, would you? I doubt it. Maybe it just blows over her ignorant head.
Well at least you won't have to worry about your sick malignant narcissistic human girl, she sounds completely under your thumb for now. Good luck with this kind of two-faced parenting technique. Talking crap about your kid to others says volumes to me and not about her. You are the adult and should know better than to be nasty, cruel and elitist. Did you realize you can set boundaries for your child without calling her names? It can be done, some of us are successful in that. You should try it!
I have not talked crap about my daughter. I have dispassionately described her oppositional behavior, and asked for advice. That WAS the behavior.
You are too emotionally involved, for some reason. You also seem to dislike the system of punishment and reward that society is built upon.

Personally, I don't like to be abused by anyone. If someone treats me in a callous or abusive manner, I remove myself from the situation. I have taght my children the same, except to come to me if someone - a class mate a teacher or ANYONE is treating them in a way that is abusive or inconsiderate. They have and they still do.

I am against abuse weather it comes from a 15 year old or a 45 year old. For you and some others, ANYTHING a child does can't be thought of as abusive because it's from a child...(I know it makes no sense, these are your FEELINGS not mine)

You are just across the board AGAINST DISCIPLINE or limitations, or parents or a hierarchy of any sort in the home, which after all is a microcosm of society!

That's strange and sad. Your idolatry of children and the idea that they are entitled to do what ever they want is weird, but again it often seems to stem from some trauma on the part of the adult who feel the need to apologize for her very existence.

I genuinely feel sorry for you and others like you. I mean that sincerely and I am not being snarky.
 
Old 03-03-2012, 08:28 PM
 
10,765 posts, read 8,784,091 times
Reputation: 15186
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Then my family is just totally out of it.

We believe kindness matters.
So do we Dew Drop! I think it is more important than social status, academic degrees, money or anything.

And being nice is FREE! We can all be nice and learn good manners. We can all practice random acts of kindness! You are not alone Dew Drop!
 
Old 03-03-2012, 08:36 PM
 
10,765 posts, read 8,784,091 times
Reputation: 15186
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
One more suggestion: Prayer. And I am serious. Pray for her and for yourself and your family members - that you will all forgive each other, let go of resentments, treat each other respectfully and with love and kindness - and that you will all learn to understand each other and not aggravate, trigger, or wound each other.

And do one nice thing each day for each family member with no expectation of reciprocation . . .something that won't cost you - that you won't resent . . . I think it will go a long way towards re-establishing goodwill in the home.

I do pray for her. Every night I pray for my whole family, but especially for her. The power of prayer is awesome.

I also pray for guidance and for knowledge and wisdom.

Once again, a wonderful idea! And like kindness as mentioned by Dew Drop, it's totally free.

I am also really grateful for those of you who took time to give of yourselves and to avoid the temptation to be snarky and judgmental.
I have a feeling that I have been the recipient of prayer from several of you. I can feel it. I am blessed!
 
Old 03-03-2012, 08:51 PM
 
10,765 posts, read 8,784,091 times
Reputation: 15186
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
I agree with this post. What is success in any relationship, especially in a parent-child relationship?

IMO, success is the ability to struggle and stick together because the people involved learned a little more about each other and because of this experience, may have different strategies on dealing with less than perfect behavior.
I agree completely. There is no one right way. To deny that it's a problem if it is outside the norms of the individual families standard of behavior, is to resign from parenting. In my opinion.

Just as there are many ways to make a delicious meal, and seven cooks may have seven different ways to make the same dish taste delicious!

One way you won't get a yummy dish will be to expect that it will happen by itself.

Weather you are a cook who is a strict follower of cook books and recipes, or you are more of the intuitive type, WORK will be involved.
That cake won't bake itself. And that kid won't raise himself.

It might surprise my many detractors, but I am more the intuitive type when raising my kids. A forum has it's limitations.

You can't feel my love or frustration. I can report what happened, or describe an event - but you were not there.

I attempt to refrain from judgement on forum. It never helps. It can make the judgmental person feel bigger or better for a while, but is that really what you want?

We adults need support every once in a while. Let's not attack each other.
 
Old 03-04-2012, 05:29 PM
 
10,765 posts, read 8,784,091 times
Reputation: 15186
Default Is DISCIPLINE a dirty word? NOT IN MY WORLD! IF YOU AGREE PLEASE SHARE!

More judgement? Just save it. In one case, SAVE IT UNTIL YOU HAVE KIDS. If texting is a major hobby of your's, you might want to stay out of this one!

I do NOT expect children or teens to be disrespectful. It may be a right of passage, but it's one I will modify. I was accused of "giving and taking away" "??? Yup that's called "behavior modification" and it's about step one in my ways of controling and molding my children

I expect them to be actively nice and cordial. No interrupting.
No snide looks. SAVE IT!

I was castigated by some for my insistence that my 15 year old attend church!

The sheer audacity I had to choose her religion!

I don't use words like "Frikken" and I don't want them around me.

Yes it is "low class"- meaning an ignorant word used by ill educated people. That does not mean I am a snob, but I have boundaries. I have standards.
We are college educated people. Our parents did not speak that way! And WE certainly did not SPEAK that way to our parents!

I am a human being too and I have the right to the peaceful enjoyment of my own home.

Parents who are not afraid to parent - speak up!

Share your good outcomes. How you raised loving, giving, non materialistic, caring, nice and polite human beings.

Tell me what you allowed and what you did not.
I am anxious to hear FROM LIKE MINDED PEOPLE!

PS - If you don't know the background, please read my disrespectful teen post.
 
Old 03-04-2012, 05:50 PM
 
420 posts, read 198,906 times
Reputation: 625
On board here!!!

I've certainly evolved as a parent. I've learned. I'm still learning. My boys are 8 years apart. Children have parents and need parents for a reason! Discipline, IMO, involves structure, boundaries, admonishment, encouragement, respect, trust etc.

I expect that children will test boundaries, they will react based upon feelings and emotions(especially when younger), they expect the world to revolve around their thinking, feeling and wanting, they won't always agree with parents, they are unique individual beings who deserve respect, yes, even from a parent. If I am wrong as a parent, I will say I'm wrong and I have no problem apologizing.

They can expect that I (and my husband) will make decisions that I believe are in their best interests because I am the parent and not the lady next door. I will be fair. I will not allow you to flip off at the mouth in any wise(it physically hurts to think this actually happens in the world) however, I will allow you to express your feelings in a respectable manner. I believe in "spankings" if neccesary and I think if it's going to be done pain isn't of the devil, the purpose of the belt on your behind is not to tickle you. School is your job. Church is a must. Whatever rules I have in place that you disagree with is more to fantasize about when you turn 18 and can happily float out of my house and into your own. Communication and affection are also key
 
Old 03-04-2012, 05:59 PM
 
2,047 posts, read 2,219,180 times
Reputation: 1911
I am far from afraid to parent my child. I don't try or want to be my child's friend by any means. We believe in consequences for actions. With that said though, I do choose my battles.
 
Old 03-04-2012, 06:03 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,660,391 times
Reputation: 9540
Your disrespectful teen posts is completely wrought with power struggle and control and lack of willingness to let your daughter be herself. That is not good discipline. That is nothing but will bending. Discipline is guiding them to grow up to be the best them.
 
Old 03-04-2012, 06:03 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
9,436 posts, read 4,310,427 times
Reputation: 8452
Hmmm. Only 'like minded' people should post? It's kind of hard to regulate that.

I agree with 'pick your battles.'

I don't think there is anything wrong with the expectation that your child attend church though. It's really not something I had a choice about ~ until I went to college and promptly quit going for several years.

But some of the other things don't sound ~ at least in your other thread ~ that they are working all that well for you.
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