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Do you make her leave the room or something? I mean, my family frequently sits all in the same room doing different things. I think texting while you are talking to other people is rude, but not merely in the presence of others.
If we are together we don't text no. I don't even have that feature on my phone. When I want to speak to a friend, I take it out of the family room.
They don't text at dinner. We have conversations with each other.
That isn't approblem with my kids. They agree that it is not appropriate.
We spend a lot of time together - we play Scrabble and other board games, go to the movies, watch Netflix, cook and bake (in the casr of my daughter) paint in the case of my son, hike, bike ride, Kyack and camp. WE LEAVE THE CELL PHONES HOME - all of us, with the exception of one in case of an emergency.
Another think my kids like is my version of Trivial Pursuit ( we play the regular one too) but this one is in preparation for the SATs!
I think, like with most things, there is a balance. I believe my own mom achieved that balance just right. She wasn't my buddy or friend. She was my mom. She treated us with respect and expected us to do the same. I would have died before I ever even thought about using the F word in her presence...even as an adult, and the thought of saying it TO her is just unthinkable. In turn, she never swore at us, and if she happened to let one slip in front of us she would quickly apologize for her language. She expected certain things, and going to church was not one of them, but if it was, I would have complied. Actually, there was a reason she wasn't a church goer, and like most things, she took the time out to explain her reasoning so that I understood why. When necessary, she took the steps to assure that my siblings and I lived up to her expectations, which may have been unpleasant for us, or by today's standards, politically incorrect, but they worked. She wasn't a tyrant, she talked to us, she listened, we played and had fun, but we knew when playtime was over. Once grown, we were friends, but that respectful boundary of mother/daughter was always there.
I had a high school friend who's parents were very strict. My mom had rules, but her mom had demands. There was no talking, no explanations, just "DO AS I SAY" and that was it. This friend of mine was the most conniving, sneaky kid you would ever meet. She actually had her parents believing she WAS the perfect angel they demanded she be, simply because she figured out how to lie and manipulate them into thinking that. I was no angel myself, but when I messed up I could admit it, accept the consequences, talk about it, and move on. Her parents didn't want to talk and didn't want to hear it, and I think that's the only real big difference in our parents. Both of them had the same expectations, but different approaches.
I hope to be the same kind of parent my mom was and always have that line of communication with my dd, but never let her forget that I'm her mother first and always.
I dont think there are many people here who don't believe in discipline. I think perhaps it means different things to different people, though, and people don't think that just because they see it differently, that they are less "right" than you.
And I think there are some parents here that remember what it was like to be a fifteen year old, and are empathetic to how difficult that time can be, for both the child and the parent.
Some of the most valuable things I've learned here on this forum are from people who don't parent the same as me, and who make me think about things that I wouldn't have considered otherwise.
It's the people you don't agree with that can often teach you something new, or give you a new perspective to consider. At the very least, sometimes they have an objective view of a situation, and it's a wise person that can drop the defensiveness and take advice in the spirit in which it's offered.
My husband and I raised a happy healthy son. He is 29, self supporting, married with a great wife and wonderful daughter. We were older parents.We did center our life around him, we had been married almost 11 years before he was born, he was a miracle to us. He was an easy child. But I believe that children mirror their parents. We did not spank. We rarely raised our voices. We supported him in his interests. He was very shy and we did not push. We expected him to take care of his responsibilities, his pets, his room, his messes. He even did his own laundry at the age of 8.
He was very into sports, and summer jobs, did not date until the middle of his senior year. And then it was his best friend, our neighbor's daughter, whom he later married. I'm not saying we did not have any trouble, but we rarely had to punish. A good talking to was all it took. He was too busy with school sports, and fun with paint ball and his volunteer work as bailiff in the teen court to get into any trouble. He worked hard in college and on his internships that led to a good job with and international company. He chose his own major, his own school and did his own applications.
We wish that he lived closer, but he calls us and skypes with us regularly. I am sort of glad that he and his wife can live "away" at the beginning of their marriage journey. It lets them depend on themselves and cleave together. His wife is the best DIL I could ever wish for, and I think he was able to pick her because he saw the love that my husband and I share.
No we did not force our beliefs on him.
I truely believe that he was a gift from the higher spirit to us. If that isn't the case, I really don't know how we got so lucky.
If we are together we don't text no. I don't even have that feature on my phone. When I want to speak to a friend, I take it out of the family room.
They don't text at dinner. We have conversations with each other.
That isn't approblem with my kids. They agree that it is not appropriate.
We spend a lot of time together - we play Scrabble and other board games, go to the movies, watch Netflix, cook and bake (in the casr of my daughter) paint in the case of my son, hike, bike ride, Kyack and camp. WE LEAVE THE CELL PHONES HOME - all of us, with the exception of one in case of an emergency.
Another think my kids like is my version of Trivial Pursuit ( we play the regular one too) but this one is in preparation for the SATs!
That all sounds fairly normal. It just sounded rather rigid the way it was worded in your earlier post. I don't have teens yet, but the only person ever to text at the dinner table in my house was my mother-in-law! It was very rude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
I dont think there are many people here who don't believe in discipline. I think perhaps it means different things to different people, though, and people don't think that just because they see it differently, that they are less "right" than you.
And I think there are some parents here that remember what it was like to be a fifteen year old, and are empathetic to how difficult that time can be, for both the child and the parent.
Some of the most valuable things I've learned here on this forum are from people who don't parent the same as me, and who make me think about things that I wouldn't have considered otherwise.
It's the people you don't agree with that can often teach you something new, or give you a new perspective to consider. At the very least, sometimes they have an objective view of a situation, and it's a wise person that can drop the defensiveness and take advice in the spirit in which it's offered.
I doesn't feel right to say that I am not afraid to discipline or afraid to be a parent. Why would I be?
I teach my daughter how to listen to me because I care about myself. I teach my daughter how to communicate her needs and wants because I want her to learn how to care about herself.
That doesn't mean she can impose her needs and wants on us. This is where you might find an emotional/*rude* child and this is where you will find many differences in parenting because of personalities and experiences growing up.
I honestly believe it is more important to be kind to family than it is to outsiders.
I think it is obvious how I feel towards child rearing, lol.
I'm very firm but fair. I'm not your pal, I'm not your buddy. I'm your mentor and I'm your Dad.
This would sum us up too.
My children HAVE friends. They don't need us for that.
We are NOT running a popularity contest. When I say "not child centered" I mean that there ate others in the family.
Not only children. It is the parent's responsibility to find and accept your child's gifts and talent, and also their short comings.
Encourage the first, modify the latter.
Some children are more willful than others. Some are made with a kinder demeanor and are more easy to please and eager to please.
Others are built another way.
Those second children need more discipline, boundaries and reminders.
It's the parent's job to look at their children as individuals. Not as some monolithic force called "the kids"
That second group of kids can't be looked upon the same way as the first.
All children should respect their parents and by the mid teens, reciprocity is in order. Chores, gift giving and the realization that parents also have needs.
If more people stooped looking at their kids as "little angels", I think there would be fewer brats!
Narcissism is a malignant plague upon our society, and the roots of Narcissism, are over indulgence and blaming "other people" for your child's miss deeds.
Actually they were not working for text girl (who has no kids) and several others. Another thing we don'r permit - texting in the presence of real live people - just plain rude!
They have worked FINE. She WAS testing the limits, was corrected, punished and apologetic.
She is strong willed and tests boundaries. We stuck to our guns and my husband does not plan anymore parenting Va-Cas!
Well, you obviously have all the answers so - carry on.
My children HAVE friends. They don't need us for that.
We are NOT running a popularity contest. When I say "not child centered" I mean that there ate others in the family.
Not only children. It is the parent's responsibility to find and accept your child's gifts and talent, and also their short comings.
Encourage the first, modify the latter.
Some children are more willful than others. Some are made with a kinder demeanor and are more easy to please and eager to please.
Others are built another way.
Those second children need more discipline, boundaries and reminders.
It's the parent's job to look at their children as individuals. Not as some monolithic force called "the kids"
That second group of kids can't be looked upon the same way as the first.
All children should respect their parents and by the mid teens, reciprocity is in order. Chores, gift giving and the realization that parents also have needs.
If more people stooped looking at their kids as "little angels", I think there would be fewer brats!
Narcissism is a malignant plague upon our society, and the roots of Narcissism, are over indulgence and blaming "other people" for your child's miss deeds.
I'm sorry, I can't resist. Who do you blame for your daughter's attitude?
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