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Old 02-29-2012, 07:19 PM
 
10,493 posts, read 8,167,411 times
Reputation: 14221
WOW... Everyone thinks this is NORMAL? I already said I give some slack for the teenage years thing, but I'm not a newbie when it comes to teens, and this "F" word, fricken, "I don't do JC Penny!" "the world revolves around me" stuff is wearing me thin!

My son is 18 and I know no two kids are alike but this is excessive. I also raised my niece (from 9-21) who is now 26, because my sister had problems at the time, and "wasn't up to it" (my niece was also a cheerleader, and while hot an honors student as my daughter is, she was a decent student, responsible and helpful. Now she is a Registered Nurse in a Neonatal ICU, working on her BSN - I payed for 2 years of college - she NEVER treated me this way, and she was happy with with what I bought her, she did chores and was active in youth group, did volunteer work, baby sat, and taught Sunday School.

Different people have different standards. Today there are families with no standards.
That's not me. I also don't do "princesses" well.

Church attendance is mandatory in my home. My daughter has expressed that she hates church. She wants to sleep and finds the kids at our church "poor looking" bad dressers" "nerds" and "fricken gay ass" - That last one has nothing to do with being "Gay" it appears to mean "nerdy"
She refuses to attend youth group, although my son and niece did, with no complaints and came to enjoy it and make friends. Oh and BTW, I would not say that everyone in my church is a millionaire, but WE are not millionaires!

Do I really need to hear this EVERY SUNDAY? Church is at 11AM, not at the crack of dawn.

Is there no limit to how much I should permit her to vent? If she had a GAME at 7AM on a Saturday morning she's be up at five to shower! do her make up and curl her hair.

I am really feeling as though I am the only one who thinks there's a problem here...

 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Texas
27,420 posts, read 21,090,274 times
Reputation: 32120
All my friends with adult children have always told me...

"The only time I ever regretted having children was when they were teenagers."

They also say that girls are a lot harder than boys. Just stick to your guns.
Know what you have the power to take away. That includes not getting to cheer until she gets an attitude readjustment.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,384 posts, read 2,867,548 times
Reputation: 2317
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Lately my daughter, who has always been somewhat strong willed, has been rude, abrupt and demanding. If she is corrected foe ANYTHING she seems to have two strategies - to argue back and proclaim her point of view, or to dissolve into tears. (in what seems to be an attempt to redirect the conversation)

Her brother has been getting more attention as of late, because he is going away to college next year, and we have been visiting schools, he has also beem taking entrance exams and other pre-college oriented activities that could be construed as "attention." She seems to have next to ZERO tolerance for this. Additionally, my son is involved in his first serious relationship with a girl.

Last week we traveled to the western part of the state on Friday night to have dinner with our son's girlfriend and her family in celebration of her 18th Birthday. Our daughter came along. Our original goal was to drive there and to drive back that evening. However, during that time it began to snow, and we made the judgement call that we should spend the night and leave early the next day due to the inclement weather.

She was thrown into a surely mood over this because she was afraid that she might miss a game. She is a Cheerleader. We told her that we'd made this decision, and we did not want to risk our collective lives over a game.

The next morning she set about making everyone miserable by rushing us, calling out the time, and in general, acting as though she was in charge. When she was told to cut it out she finally blurted out "WE made this WHOLE TRIP for (brother's name) We don't do anything for ME!" The second part of the allegation is PATENTLY UNTRUE!

She got to the game on time BTW, but we were not going to rush because of it.

I make a special effort to try to do things with and for her. For example, I wanted to give her a sweet 16, but her interest in this, something special that a mom can give a daughter, has been luke warm. Finally she said once that she would rather "just get the money" When I told her that was never going to happen, she sulked off into another room.

She is always abrupt, especially towards me
She does not want to do her chores and resents when asked.
She argues with me EVERY SUNDAY about Church attendance.
She uses the "F" word constantly. ( or Friken, which I think is almost as bad)
She gives her opinion when it is not solicited nor is appropriate.
She thinks of times when I might be distracted to ask me permission to do things, for example have a friend sleep over when she hasn't cleaned.
She is generally surly.
If I ask her to hand me somethi.....
I deleted the last part cause im replying on my phone......and i deleted too much but i really only wanted to reply to this part.

-dont reply until she conducta her self nicely to it.
-set up and points and reward system...point can earn choices like cash or extra minutes on her curfew..
-dont push it, let her stay home, if she isnt religious or doesnt like church, since its sucg a sensitive issue....you cant force her to believe or like going.
-dont even fight that battle...if she says frikkin..its not f***ck so be happy when she DOESN'T say it.
-opinions are opinions, let it go if she wants to voice her thoughts well the constitution protects that.
-well now that youve identified her trick, dont let her get past you....
-shes allowed to be miserable, she cant force herself to be happy, if she wants to be moody and miserable then let her...its crazy to tell someone they have to have happy.
-duck...
 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:49 PM
 
Location: In Line For The E Ticket Ride
20,550 posts, read 10,947,466 times
Reputation: 21965
Sheena,

I think she's doing a lot of this just to pull your chain. Especially the 'F' word usage. She sees it makes you mad so she uses it. Some of her attitude is normal. But that doesn't mean you have to let her get away with the disrespect. That's my personal line in the sand. As is surly, come to think of it.

Stan is right. Stick to your guns. This is where you earn your Mom stripes. I would NOT reward her just for keeping a civil tongue in her mouth and not throwing things when you ask for them. She needs to know that's not acceptable among normal, civilized people.

Are her friends Princesses? They tend to travel in packs you know.

p.s. I know a LOT of Moms and Daughters who fought like cats and dogs. Some of those same Moms and Daughters became close later in life. Hang in there. She really could be the druggie you're bailing out of jail at 2am. She's not that. She's the entitled, possible spoiled (by Daddy) daughter. That's an attitude that can be adjusted with maturity and time.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 12,795,505 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
WOW... Everyone thinks this is NORMAL? I already said I give some slack for the teenage years thing, but I'm not a newbie when it comes to teens, and this "F" word, fricken, "I don't do JC Penny!" "the world revolves around me" stuff is wearing me thin!

My son is 18 and I know no two kids are alike but this is excessive. I also raised my niece (from 9-21) who is now 26, because my sister had problems at the time, and "wasn't up to it" (my niece was also a cheerleader, and while hot an honors student as my daughter is, she was a decent student, responsible and helpful. Now she is a Registered Nurse in a Neonatal ICU, working on her BSN - I payed for 2 years of college - she NEVER treated me this way, and she was happy with with what I bought her, she did chores and was active in youth group, did volunteer work, baby sat, and taught Sunday School.

Different people have different standards. Today there are families with no standards.
That's not me. I also don't do "princesses" well.

Church attendance is mandatory in my home. My daughter has expressed that she hates church. She wants to sleep and finds the kids at our church "poor looking" bad dressers" "nerds" and "fricken gay ass" - That last one has nothing to do with being "Gay" it appears to mean "nerdy"
She refuses to attend youth group, although my son and niece did, with no complaints and came to enjoy it and make friends. Oh and BTW, I would not say that everyone in my church is a millionaire, but WE are not millionaires!

Do I really need to hear this EVERY SUNDAY? Church is at 11AM, not at the crack of dawn.

Is there no limit to how much I should permit her to vent? If she had a GAME at 7AM on a Saturday morning she's be up at five to shower! do her make up and curl her hair.

I am really feeling as though I am the only one who thinks there's a problem here...
You have to be careful there, sheena. You push too hard she's gonna develop hatred and animosity towards the church.

I have come across a few bitter and messed up individuals who won't enter a church even if there was hail and sleet outside. And it all started from the thrust at home.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 12,795,505 times
Reputation: 11309
I hate the church culture in America. Families come as a group and block an entire pew or zone and there's a code of conduct enforced through 60 minutes of pain.

It's ritualism invented by clergymen across ages and it didn't have to have its one million drudges.

~ an experimenting choir
~ a male cantor with the voice of a nightingale
~ numerous songs
~ lengthy sermons

The format is pretty much similar everywhere. But I got to enjoy the church. My Dad was pretty much like the OP. There will be quarreling every Sunday on church attendance. But once we enter the cathedral, the group will disperse and go separate ways. Cathedral was surrounded by arcades, shops and stuff. I'd spend all sermon outside and re-enter church for the Eucharistic rites. It was fun.

I can't see that happening here. No wonder children grow up hating the norm. It's a pain for sure, especially for a teenager when mind runs wild far and wide.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 08:45 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 32,343,514 times
Reputation: 21465
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
WOW... Everyone thinks this is NORMAL? I already said I give some slack for the teenage years thing, but I'm not a newbie when it comes to teens, and this "F" word, fricken, "I don't do JC Penny!" "the world revolves around me" stuff is wearing me thin!

My son is 18 and I know no two kids are alike but this is excessive. I also raised my niece (from 9-21) who is now 26, because my sister had problems at the time, and "wasn't up to it" (my niece was also a cheerleader, and while hot an honors student as my daughter is, she was a decent student, responsible and helpful. Now she is a Registered Nurse in a Neonatal ICU, working on her BSN - I payed for 2 years of college - she NEVER treated me this way, and she was happy with with what I bought her, she did chores and was active in youth group, did volunteer work, baby sat, and taught Sunday School.

Different people have different standards. Today there are families with no standards.
That's not me. I also don't do "princesses" well.

Church attendance is mandatory in my home. My daughter has expressed that she hates church. She wants to sleep and finds the kids at our church "poor looking" bad dressers" "nerds" and "fricken gay ass" - That last one has nothing to do with being "Gay" it appears to mean "nerdy"
She refuses to attend youth group, although my son and niece did, with no complaints and came to enjoy it and make friends. Oh and BTW, I would not say that everyone in my church is a millionaire, but WE are not millionaires!

Do I really need to hear this EVERY SUNDAY? Church is at 11AM, not at the crack of dawn.

Is there no limit to how much I should permit her to vent? If she had a GAME at 7AM on a Saturday morning she's be up at five to shower! do her make up and curl her hair.

I am really feeling as though I am the only one who thinks there's a problem here...
Some of it's normal but I absolutely do not tolerate verbal abuse against me, nor would I tolerate a kid throwing something at me instead of handing it.

You do have the right to expect her to go to church just like you can expect her to go to school -- whether or not she feels like it or thinks she's superior to the other kids.

I think she needs to be straightened out. Put your foot down about the f word or words and some of the brattier behaviors.

Kids will test their limits, where ever you set the boundaries, they will find them and try to push against them.

What I would do is remind her who pays the bills, and that until she stops acting like a brat, you will not buy her the clothes she thinks makes her so much better than the kids she's putting down, and you will not transport her around and she can forget getting driving lessons or the use of a car.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 08:49 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 32,343,514 times
Reputation: 21465
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
You have to be careful there, sheena. You push too hard she's gonna develop hatred and animosity towards the church.

I have come across a few bitter and messed up individuals who won't enter a church even if there was hail and sleet outside. And it all started from the thrust at home.
And if the kid griped about going to school, you would just allow her to sleep in and never go?

School can be 6 to 7 hours of boredom, if claiming to be bored or turned off is reason enough, most kids would find more reason not to go to school.

1 hour a week is nothing.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 09:20 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 12,795,505 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
And if the kid griped about going to school, you would just allow her to sleep in and never go?

School can be 6 to 7 hours of boredom, if claiming to be bored or turned off is reason enough, most kids would find more reason not to go to school.

1 hour a week is nothing.
Fair argument. But progressive society does not deem school as expendable as religious strictures. The 20 to 35 demographic is the least religious and one of the major reasons has always been parental thrust into religion rather than personal evolution. It's a complex phenomenon. You can drag a 9 year old to the church. But a 16 year old is asking for angst and alienation. Many become irreligious solely to prove a point to the parents.
 
Old 02-29-2012, 09:20 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
20,596 posts, read 17,152,315 times
Reputation: 28716
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
WOW... Everyone thinks this is NORMAL? I already said I give some slack for the teenage years thing, but I'm not a newbie when it comes to teens, and this "F" word, fricken, "I don't do JC Penny!" "the world revolves around me" stuff is wearing me thin!

My son is 18 and I know no two kids are alike but this is excessive. I also raised my niece (from 9-21) who is now 26, because my sister had problems at the time, and "wasn't up to it" (my niece was also a cheerleader, and while hot an honors student as my daughter is, she was a decent student, responsible and helpful. Now she is a Registered Nurse in a Neonatal ICU, working on her BSN - I payed for 2 years of college - she NEVER treated me this way, and she was happy with with what I bought her, she did chores and was active in youth group, did volunteer work, baby sat, and taught Sunday School.

Different people have different standards. Today there are families with no standards.
That's not me. I also don't do "princesses" well.

Church attendance is mandatory in my home. My daughter has expressed that she hates church. She wants to sleep and finds the kids at our church "poor looking" bad dressers" "nerds" and "fricken gay ass" - That last one has nothing to do with being "Gay" it appears to mean "nerdy"
She refuses to attend youth group, although my son and niece did, with no complaints and came to enjoy it and make friends. Oh and BTW, I would not say that everyone in my church is a millionaire, but WE are not millionaires!

Do I really need to hear this EVERY SUNDAY? Church is at 11AM, not at the crack of dawn.

Is there no limit to how much I should permit her to vent? If she had a GAME at 7AM on a Saturday morning she's be up at five to shower! do her make up and curl her hair.

I am really feeling as though I am the only one who thinks there's a problem here...
I do think issues such as these are normal, but that that's not to say that her behavior is okay. I simply don't have advice because I fought with my mom when i was that age, and my oldest girl is just at that age now. I don't have any success stories to share.
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