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Old 03-06-2012, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,313,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lee9786 View Post
I think there's a balance of demonstrating you love by various leniency letting them discover themselves (to an extent) and putting the foot down to set barriers (to show you love them). Consistency is important though.

As for Church, I suggest opening up the Reality of God to her. Get her a good teenage KJV Bible and give her the opportunity to find God herself so she can read about Christ in the gospels. Than it becomes her decision.

some material that could she could find interesting is from Chuck Missler.


Hidden Message in Genesis. WOW! - YouTube


Chuck Missler - Isaiah 53 Bible Code - YouTube

Help the young one to discover God for herself. Let her know Christ is her best friend.
Or let her find on her own if she even wants religion in her life.

 
Old 03-06-2012, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
2,120 posts, read 1,600,777 times
Reputation: 2698
That fact your daughter only acts this way at home is what raises the biggest question mark to me...
 
Old 03-06-2012, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,313,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
That fact your daughter only acts this way at home is what raises the biggest question mark to me...
Why?
It shouldn't any question at all.

The fact that her daughter does this, mostly towards the mom SCREAMS the answer...

Something is going on, I know I say this a lot but kids don't act like *******s and lash out at their parents for sihts and giggles, usually there is some underlying cause and instead of punishing and retracting kindness you need to be there even more for them now than ever.

She needs to spend some mother daughter time with her daughter sit down and tell her you can speak open and honestly with me, and try to find out WHY her daughter has been lashing out.

She also needs to accept that her daughter is growing into her own person and this is the age where people really form who they are.

I understand her wanting her daughter to quit dropping the f-bomb all the time and wants her to be a little more respectful.

But I think she is expecting too much of her daughter, in the aspect that she wants her daughter to be more like all these other people, she wants her daughter to do things that these other people are doing.

It doesn't seem like she is very accepting of her daughter as the budding individual that she is.

I think she needs to start seeing her daughter more as an individual who has her own opinions, thoughts and beliefs and less like a child who goes by everything their parent says.

I think some much needed mother-daughter bonding time is in order for these two and some pulling back from the mother and realising her daughter is growing into an individual and needs to be helped through this time because at 15 you can't adequately express your feelings in the most appropriate way and it IS a very hard time in some people's lives and even MORE compassion and understanding is required, not punishment and withdrawal.
 
Old 03-07-2012, 06:19 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,702,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Just a gentle reminder about the thread topic, which is disrespectful attitudes and behavior in a teenager. How do you handle it, as a parent? How do you wish your own parents acted?
How do I wish my parents handled it most of the time? The way you handled it here, JustJulia.

If I insisted on doing things my way, I would have preferred they ask me to take it else where.

How I handle things with my daughter would just sound a little too preachy but we all know that nobody is perfect. That is the approach I take.
 
Old 03-07-2012, 08:21 AM
 
1,330 posts, read 775,924 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by auntieannie68 View Post
just my two cents---after having worked with teens in trouble for many years---expecting that your teen will be nasty rude and disrespectful is a detriment to the child--if this behavior is not dealt with consistently in pre teen and teen years---the child grows into an adult with issues that can be detrimental to his/her success--parents need to NOT tolerate negative behaviors simply cause their"hormonally affected"---the teen years are the basis of successful adult years so parents need to be more attentive and not less attentive to behaviors
BTW--the children i saw in dire circumstances did much better when the families returned to church and God--this grounded the teens even more---and sure initially there may have been some resistence in some but parental nudging was part of the success of helping the teen's spirituality---a much needed characteristic for a young adult's success
After getting my cup of coffee and sitting down to read this interesting thread, I have to agree with this post quite a bit. I think that everyone agrees that preteens/teens can be so difficult due to hormones, growing independence, etc. How you deal with disrespect and rudeness is a totally difference issue. Sometimes I think that "hormones" is a convenient excuse to excuse some truly horrid behavior that should be corrected. When disrespect starts happening outside the house, I think it can lead to some heartbreak down the road for the young adult.

Secondly, I think that many of you were pretty harsh on Sheena for insisting that the family go to church. Personally, I on the fence about religion as is my husband but we started going to church as a family quite a few years ago. We try to make it a family day followed by a nice family breakfast either back at home or our local diner or a hike in the park. Finding the right kind of church was key for us. After some disasterous churches which were impersonal, drama filled and too bible thumping for me, we found a lovely church and a wonderful female pastor who is a salt of the earth kind of woman. The services are rather short, she gives wonderful sermons and is in touch with many of the modern challenges of life. Everyone greets one another at the start of the service and hugs the pastor as we all walk out. It is incredibly personal and I love it. Even better---the church operates a local food pantry and is very involved with community enrichment programs. They try to involve the youth in things like fixing up bikes for underprivileged children, fund raising for various charities, etc. My daughter, in spite of all her troubles, seems to really listen to the sermons and enjoy church. We are looking at getting her involved more in youth groups. Being around this pastor is a great thing since she is a great mentor and role model. She needs all the positive influence she can get at this point and finding the right church has been a great thing for us.

I would more interested in hearing about your work with troubled youth.
 
Old 03-07-2012, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,441,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
After getting my cup of coffee and sitting down to read this interesting thread, I have to agree with this post quite a bit. I think that everyone agrees that preteens/teens can be so difficult due to hormones, growing independence, etc. How you deal with disrespect and rudeness is a totally difference issue. Sometimes I think that "hormones" is a convenient excuse to excuse some truly horrid behavior that should be corrected. When disrespect starts happening outside the house, I think it can lead to some heartbreak down the road for the young adult.

Secondly, I think that many of you were pretty harsh on Sheena for insisting that the family go to church. Personally, I on the fence about religion as is my husband but we started going to church as a family quite a few years ago. We try to make it a family day followed by a nice family breakfast either back at home or our local diner or a hike in the park. Finding the right kind of church was key for us. After some disasterous churches which were impersonal, drama filled and too bible thumping for me, we found a lovely church and a wonderful female pastor who is a salt of the earth kind of woman. The services are rather short, she gives wonderful sermons and is in touch with many of the modern challenges of life. Everyone greets one another at the start of the service and hugs the pastor as we all walk out. It is incredibly personal and I love it. Even better---the church operates a local food pantry and is very involved with community enrichment programs. They try to involve the youth in things like fixing up bikes for underprivileged children, fund raising for various charities, etc. My daughter, in spite of all her troubles, seems to really listen to the sermons and enjoy church. We are looking at getting her involved more in youth groups. Being around this pastor is a great thing since she is a great mentor and role model. She needs all the positive influence she can get at this point and finding the right church has been a great thing for us.

I would more interested in hearing about your work with troubled youth.
Such a nice post. Thank you. Also, I appreciate your honestly about previous churches and your current one. What so many fail to realize is that not ALL churches preach hell fire and damnation. Sometimes, it's nice, as a family..to get a reminder once a week on how we need to remember to treat others.

Children not only should be taught to not treat their parents disrespectfully, the should be taught that they shouldn't talk to or treat ANYone like that. Using hormones as an excuse for poor manners and disrespectful behavior is irresponsible parenting, IMHO. However, living your life, vicariously, through your children, is also irresponsible behavior.

Church is not going to save your children, in fact, when my eldest children were going to youth group, I heard terrible things about the "best" children. When your children attend school with the same children whom they were raised in church with, it's amazing how different you find out they are in church vs school!
 
Old 03-07-2012, 09:37 AM
 
22,180 posts, read 12,990,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
It doesn't seem like she is very accepting of her daughter as the budding individual that she is..
I have to say I wouldn't be "very accepting" myself if the "budding individual" my child was blossoming into was a rude, foul mouthed, obnoxious being.
 
Old 03-07-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,441,420 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
I have to say I wouldn't be "very accepting" myself if the "budding individual" my child was blossoming into was a rude, foul mouthed, obnoxious being.
Nor would I! In fact, I find it ironic that so many people make comments on how important it is to allow those things to simply "run their course", and yet those same people blame the parents when they encounter kids like this.
 
Old 03-07-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
17,195 posts, read 20,203,102 times
Reputation: 26269
She's in the main hormone meltdown years. Just hang on, pick your battles, and ride it out. Try not to react too much to what she does.
All I can tell you encouraging is, it seems to me that the most difficult girls turn out to be more successful later in life than the easier ones...spunky.

Last edited by gentlearts; 03-07-2012 at 09:58 AM..
 
Old 03-07-2012, 10:07 AM
 
1,330 posts, read 775,924 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Nor would I! In fact, I find it ironic that so many people make comments on how important it is to allow those things to simply "run their course", and yet those same people blame the parents when they encounter kids like this.
And also don't forget that some of these parents will be the first one to go screaming to the school when your child makes a foul, rude comment to their child and hurts their feelings. Schools nowdays (at least our schools) are intolerant of kids misbehaving and will give them detention/ suspension quite frequently. Believe me, I speak from experience as my daughter finishes up her 4th day of detention in her middle school.

Of course we have a whole host of other issues we are dealing with so my experiences are a bit out of the norm.
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