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We always involve our DD (3.5 YO) in family decisions. That doesn't mean she gets the final say, but she knows her opinion and thoughts are important to us.
Over winter we have been shopping for a house and we would ask DD what she thought of it. Which room would be hers what she liked about etc. To begin with she said she hated all the houses and didn't want to move. We asked why. Turns out she though moving to a new home meant (1) living with the real estate agent and (2) leaving all her toys etc behind. She didn't understand that you move all your stuff into the new house.
Once we straighten that out, she had a totally different attitude toward moving.
the article is very vague. There is a big difference between asking a 4 year old's opinion and a 16 year old's opinion; and a big difference between buying snacks and buying a car.
I sometimes ask the family what they want for dinner this week. One kid without fail answers "cake" every single time. Obviously that's not happening.
Every single time my father get a new car, he would say "what car should I get" and every single time I would say "A limo"
We always involve our DD (3.5 YO) in family decisions. That doesn't mean she gets the final say, but she knows her opinion and thoughts are important to us.
Over winter we have been shopping for a house and we would ask DD what she thought of it. Which room would be hers what she liked about etc. To begin with she said she hated all the houses and didn't want to move. We asked why. Turns out she though moving to a new home meant (1) living with the real estate agent and (2) leaving all her toys etc behind. She didn't understand that you move all your stuff into the new house.
Once we straighten that out, she had a totally different attitude toward moving.
When we were looking at houses my son (then 11) didn't like one of the houses because the bedrooms were painted pink and decorated with girly curtains, etc...He couldn't get past it no matter how many times I told him not to worry that we could paint the room and get new decorations.
I get them treats sometimes. I am sure someone will come on here and tell me I am spoiling them and that if they want treats they should go out and gets jobs to earn their own treats. But I just buy them.
Ya, I have to admit I've noticed some great nutrition on here as well.
We try and eat right MOST of the time but there are those times we all say, lets get a big cake and a couple of forks. lol Especially with two teenage girls. At least we have the hormones to blame for the guilt we feel later. Plus we take out our pms out on the cake and not each other. Those table conversions with my girls as we hunch over that cake are priceless. It's worth the extra walk.
It really just depends on the item/purchase. I am considerate of their wants and needs and try to explain the difference. We give them an allowance even at 3 and 5 yrs old so they can learn the value of spending.
Sometimes we give them a few choices others I just decide! I think they need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them! Ultimately we are the parents and our choices have a higher value.
I do include them in the process whether they are able to give input or not because it teaches them the value of our choices. They grocery shop with us and use coupons. We compare labels and prices. I also put ideas into their heads for example you can have this BUT you only get 3 of them but if you pick the other it has 6 for the same price. And we consider quality vs quantity.
We need to buy a kid art table this weekend and I am going to let them have some input into the decision. They are the ones using it afterall!
I had/have both my kids in full time daycare/afterschool and there is NO guilt to buy them more stuff. Heck I have noticed lately they have all this STUFF and they are barely home to play with it! They would rather go out on the weekends to the science center etc....
I thought this was odd....I don't know anyone who experiences guilt for sending their kids to pre-school either. I hear that every once in a while and think, really? I didn't do it, I worked from home but I never saw any of my friends walking around guilty about pre-school, just the opposite actually. They seemed quite happy with all that time. I was actually a little jealous.
Yes, children are included. No, they are not "consulted". In the end, the final choice is with parents. Signs of a dysfunctional family are when children are given equal power to parents in all decisions.
As I told my kids, "This is not a democracy, you did not vote for me to be your Mom".
They are consulted, to some degree, with regards to clothes/shoes colors, styles, etc, as well as to give input as to where to eat out, but ultimately the choice is the parents'.
There's a balance with this, like everything, not to be Captain Obvious - but I don't think it's fair to bring another person into your world and then treat them like they have as much autonomy as the family hamster.
We provide choices for things, what to have for dinner, what park to go to, what to wear, what movie to watch. Obviously age appropriate things. I think it helps develop a persons' decision making ability, which is an important skill, and encourages teamwork and compromising ability.
It's amazing how many people are so used to being told what to do, what to eat and where to go their whole childhoods that lack the confidence to decide what pair of shoes to put on in the morning when they're adults, let alone what career they should choose or who they should marry.
This whole "my house I decide everything until you're 18" is foreign to me and sounds totally counterproductive to raising competent, confident, independent adults. I don't really get it, unless your need for controlling everything is so great you can't let someone else decide what you all should eat for lunch, lest all hell break lose in "MY home" - which IMHO is the catch phrase of the modern control freak parent.
Can't rep you because I have 'spread the love around' first, but +1!
I think there is a big difference between discussing big purchases as a family and giving in to the demands of children on these issues.
Agree. For instance, we need to buy new living room furniture. We will take our girls shopping and ask for their input, but ultimately we'll make the final decision.
We always involve our DD (3.5 YO) in family decisions. That doesn't mean she gets the final say, but she knows her opinion and thoughts are important to us.
Over winter we have been shopping for a house and we would ask DD what she thought of it. Which room would be hers what she liked about etc. To begin with she said she hated all the houses and didn't want to move. We asked why. Turns out she though moving to a new home meant (1) living with the real estate agent and (2) leaving all her toys etc behind. She didn't understand that you move all your stuff into the new house.
Once we straighten that out, she had a totally different attitude toward moving.
That's cute. When mine were 1 and 3 and we were house hunting they thought the sellers toys would stay with the house.
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Plus we take out our pms out on the cake and not each other. Those table conversions with my girls as we hunch over that cake are priceless. 
It's worth the extra walk.
