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Old 03-09-2012, 10:41 AM
 
834 posts, read 2,679,529 times
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Good Luck! Austin is a bit over 2 hours to Houston. It will not be easy but you could try to find a way to adjust your school schedule so that you can get your son a few times a month to stay with you. That way you can be a hands on dad as much as you can and enjoy him growing up.

As far as your wife, it sounds like you haven't given up on her. Try to see if you can talk to her about your situation. People I know signed divorce papers, to later regret it...they were just not communicating at home. If she's willing try to see if you can find time for the two of you. Think about what attracted you to her in the first place and how you got to where you are. If she's lonely, see if you can encourage her to join a military wives group or even young mother's group until you finish your tour. I have a friend with 3 kids, all under 5 years who had her husband away in Iraq for 1 year. She was thankfully near cousins and great neighbors who helped when she needed to watch the kids, etc to "survive" that year. It wasnt easy but kept an eye on the prize of hubby coming back. I think it's important that you and your wife have the right support of people that may be in similar situations as you.
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Old 03-10-2012, 04:48 AM
 
4,097 posts, read 11,451,229 times
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IF the marriage breaks down and IF she moves to Houston (which would be smart due to parents avaiable to help), I would move to Houston to be near the son. Compromise is needed in both a marriage and the raising of kids. I gave up a career to follow my husband on a corporate move. We made it work.

Yes, something needs to be given up, Austin, to get something, more time with son. Your choice.
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Old 03-10-2012, 05:05 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,469,728 times
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I would suggest you see a lawyer NOW. You can, probably, stop her from moving to Houston if you get the paperwork in place. If you wait until she makes the move, you could be SOL.

When I filed for divorce, the first thing the court did was declare that the children could not be removed from the home. There were also clauses for how far one of us could move the kids at any time in the future.

Good luck.
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Old 03-10-2012, 05:27 AM
 
Location: England
135 posts, read 176,175 times
Reputation: 214
Hello.

I was in the British Army for 22 years (until this Jan) and several years ago my wife and i got a divorce after 15 years of marriage. The reason was stress, for her. Waiting for me to come home in a box or badly injured stopped her from sleeping, stopped her enjoying life and enjoying our children. A folded flag is no consolation for the loss of a loved one, i think people forget that sometimes.

I was in the Infantry and had done tours in every conflict and UN peacekeeping posting you can imagine and she was scared to death for me. My 2nd tour of Afghanistan was just too much for her. I still love her, she's a fantastic Mum but she has now moved on and found a man that'll keep her happy and always come home. I can't even say i dislike him tbh, he's a good man.

Anyway..... Your both going back to the US and your going to be a distance apart and you don't want to be a 'Weekend Dad', i can understand that. Well, do you love your wife? Does she love you? if so then make it work, it can be done. Your child needs stability and if your wife is going back to shool in her home town then her parents will be a stabilising influence on your son. Your wife not being happy could easily be the same reasons mine wasn't. If you don't try and you give up then you'll never know what could have been and if you try and i mean try hard and it fails then you'll know.

Not sure if i've helped in anyway but good luck to you.
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Old 03-10-2012, 11:56 AM
 
Location: On the Ohio River in Western, KY
3,387 posts, read 6,615,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Since civilian attorneys are so expensive, you might try to find out what you can have your JAG officer take care of before you get out of the military.

20yrsinBranson
Quote:
Originally Posted by rezfreak View Post
If I remember correctly, JAG wont help at all with divorce/custody issues. The military is very anti-divorce. I know when I divorced my ex who was in the military, he went to them for assistance and they advised him to contact a civilian lawyer as they couldnt help him.
They might not be able to legally help, but JAG is still a "good ole boys" network, and they might know civilian lawyers they served with and be able to help. In my experience, most former military lawyers are ruthless when they get into the civilian world, and are damn good lawyers.
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Old 04-03-2012, 01:52 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,015 times
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If you want to do the right thing you would leave the 2 yr old with his mother. Don't think of your needs think of what is best for your child. Removing a 2 yr old from his primary attachment figure is very damaging, do your research. Apparently she is not unfitted. I would now how damaging this is to both the mother and the child because I lost my 2 yr old son to a man who has lots of money. If you have a lot of money and are willing to pay people off than yes you can get custody or an abuser, otherwise chances my be very slim.
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Old 04-03-2012, 02:15 PM
 
Location: California
6,420 posts, read 7,639,289 times
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This thread has a lot of really good thoughts posted. However, I am not clear on why the OP thinks the mother should not have custody. Does he want her to pay child support, or does he not want to? I'm not clear what she has done to deserve her child being taken away. As so many other posters said, divorce is really hard on children which I know from experience. My parents divorced when I was four and then Dad died when I was four and a half. Too much pain for a child to handle.

The child has both a mother and father so unless someone has done something to harm the child, custody will probably be shared. I wonder whether this might be an attempt to get Mom home again since Dad hasn't been there for most of the time. I strongly recommend, as others have, getting counseling before the child is harmed as he had no say in any of this.

Peace and best of luck to all concerned.
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Old 04-03-2012, 03:57 PM
 
2,382 posts, read 5,384,409 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60 View Post
This thread has a lot of really good thoughts posted. However, I am not clear on why the OP thinks the mother should not have custody. Does he want her to pay child support, or does he not want to? I'm not clear what she has done to deserve her child being taken away. As so many other posters said, divorce is really hard on children which I know from experience. My parents divorced when I was four and then Dad died when I was four and a half. Too much pain for a child to handle.

The child has both a mother and father so unless someone has done something to harm the child, custody will probably be shared. I wonder whether this might be an attempt to get Mom home again since Dad hasn't been there for most of the time. I strongly recommend, as others have, getting counseling before the child is harmed as he had no say in any of this.

Peace and best of luck to all concerned.
That's kinda my thoughts as well....I understand that the OP wants to be with his son but if they divorce it's going to be tramatic enough without a change of primary caregiver.
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Old 04-03-2012, 04:10 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,684,540 times
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OP you just said your wife is a good parent, at least as good as you, so why would you want to uproot your child just so YOU get more time with your child?

Shouldn't this be about what is best for your child? Living with the primary care giver with generous visitation from you is better for your child than being removed from the care of the parent who has been taking care of him. I am sure you are a good parent and that means doing what is best for your child over what you personally want.
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Old 04-03-2012, 06:12 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,251,318 times
Reputation: 5565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soldier11B View Post
I am writting this post in order to get some information from anyone with knowledge on what I should do and how I can get custody of my son.

My wife and I have been having some troubles lately and she has explained to me that she wants a divorce. You should know I am currrently in Afghanistan in the Army and my wife is stationed back in Germany at our home base. Our Home of address is Texas though. I will be getting out of the Army soon here in Oct. 2012 to start going to college using my G.I.Bill.
With that said, We have a 2 year old son that I have only been around for about 9 months out of the 2 years combined due to deployments to war zones and being involved in NATO Training, Something out of my hands as a soldier. My wife is a great mother and I am a great father, Im not really sure the real reason to why we are divorcing other than she is unhappy with her life.
Everything I have done to stay alive here was because of my son and my wife, working hard so we could have a roof over our head and food on the table as I watched my closest friends being shot and drowning in their own blood.
I now have a total of 3 months left in afghanistan, then I will be going back to a empty home where I wil not see my son again until next October.
My wife has not worked or contributed to anything we have until today, she started a job today after being unemployed for about 2 years.
She will most likely move home to Houston, Texas when I am planning on moving to Austin, Texas about a 150 mile difference to start and finish my college degree. She will be doing the same probably living with her parents, working and going to school. We are pretty equal parents I would say other than the fact about who has brought in the salary.
Im afraid of the truth that I will never be able to see my son, or only on the weekends. I believe that my son should have me in his life and I disearve to have him live with me for some years until he is old enough to tell me what he wants. I want to do whats best for him.

I will appreciate anyones opinion or help.
I would simply get a lawyer and hash out a 50/50 split. And go to school in houston over austin. Given it's only 150 miles they probably won't order her not to move due to it being within a reasonable limit to see your child.
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