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This is the first time I've posted here, though I've been meaning to for a while. I was hoping for some input on your experiences as the parent who spends the most time with the kids in your family (or the one who doesn't). We have an 8yo daughter and 4yo son, I do some part time work but I'm mostly a SAHM. So I spend more time with the kids than my husband.
And I can't help but notice that 'getting things done' takes so much longer when it's just the kids and I, I get so many more whhhhhhys and nooooos, way more out of control moments, more testing/pushing me than my husband gets.
Is this a regular experience for you parents who spend the most time with your kids? (or am I doing something wrong?!) Some days, in those hours between school ending and dad getting home, when no-one has any activities - those days can be tough and then dad walks in the door and out of nowhere we have these 2 little angels in the house. I admit that can be very frustrating.
I don't feel like I'm a big softy compared to hubby, but it can sure be a struggle sometimes to have them listen to me or co-operate. Now hubby is an assistant principal in a school...so, I think he has a few more trade secrets when it comes to kids than I do. When he's firm with our kids, he's firm for about 5 seconds and that sorts that out.
This is more an issue with our 8yo, and I am noticing her just trying to push my buttons more and more so I wonder if it's an age thing too.
You are not alone! We have the same phenomenon in our house. We've actually struggled quite a bit to even things out between the "mean one" (me) and the fun one (dad). When he's home see if he can be the one to enforce the rules and end play time for homework.
It's very typical. When Dad comes home, it's like a treat, a highlight in the day for all of you. SO naturally they are going to be happy to see him and happy during that time. He also probably is not going to walk in the door and start enforcing rules and "cracking skulls," so to speak. He's more likely to be sweet and fun and happy since he hasn't seen them all day either.
You know the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It works that way with parents and kids too.
Nobody is going to want to hear this, but when my husband was a sah dad for 2 yrs, he still was listened to more than I was. I worked long hours, but I was still the soft place to land. I wonder if it is a male/female thing? *ducks*
My son is almost 18 months and my husband has already said this happens. I don't 'give in' more than he does either. Just another joy of Motherhood. LOL
This is the first time I've posted here, though I've been meaning to for a while. I was hoping for some input on your experiences as the parent who spends the most time with the kids in your family (or the one who doesn't). We have an 8yo daughter and 4yo son, I do some part time work but I'm mostly a SAHM. So I spend more time with the kids than my husband.
And I can't help but notice that 'getting things done' takes so much longer when it's just the kids and I, I get so many more whhhhhhys and nooooos, way more out of control moments, more testing/pushing me than my husband gets.
Is this a regular experience for you parents who spend the most time with your kids? (or am I doing something wrong?!) Some days, in those hours between school ending and dad getting home, when no-one has any activities - those days can be tough and then dad walks in the door and out of nowhere we have these 2 little angels in the house. I admit that can be very frustrating.
I don't feel like I'm a big softy compared to hubby, but it can sure be a struggle sometimes to have them listen to me or co-operate. Now hubby is an assistant principal in a school...so, I think he has a few more trade secrets when it comes to kids than I do. When he's firm with our kids, he's firm for about 5 seconds and that sorts that out.
This is more an issue with our 8yo, and I am noticing her just trying to push my buttons more and more so I wonder if it's an age thing too.
Do you experience this? Tell me I'm not alone
8 year olds push more buttons than buddy the elf in an elevator.
Its the age, somewhat.
i am a stay at home mom and i know excatly what your talking about. gets very upsetting somedays i just wish they would listen to me like they do to him.
You are not alone! We have the same phenomenon in our house. We've actually struggled quite a bit to even things out between the "mean one" (me) and the fun one (dad). When he's home see if he can be the one to enforce the rules and end play time for homework.
Glad I'm not alone! I definitely feel like the "mean one" sometimes - or, maybe just the "grumpy one" . My husband doesn't shy away from enforcing the rules (though he's better at it in the weekends!) but he's also really looking for some play/down-time when he first gets home. He doesn't want to get dragged into the day's events (unless they're significant), which I agree with, he shouldn't have to deal with something one of the kids did 3 hours ago (and I wouldn't want to tell them "wait until your father gets home!"). I guess it sort of gets to me a little that he'll get to just be fun with them while I'm still in a bit of a mood from the last couple of hours. But I think he needs that too - he works in a bit of a 'bad' school (as in "sorry Jimmy, you'll have to leave the gang paraphernalia in the office") and has many 'interesting' days with those kids so I know he needs to transition from that back to being with his own kids.
Nobody is going to want to hear this, but when my husband was a sah dad for 2 yrs, he still was listened to more than I was. I worked long hours, but I was still the soft place to land. I wonder if it is a male/female thing? *ducks*
Hmm. Well, that's bad news! Though I admit that I have also wondered at times if it is a male/female thing. I've wondered too if it's just a straight personality thing. One of my husband's colleagues once said to me that he has a 'confident personality' (I think she sort of meant 'unwavering') and she thought the kids found that safe - the middle school kids, not our kids. Though then you're talking about kids without a whole lot of stability in their lives to start with...So I don't know if that crosses over into parenting.
So I have no idea whether it's the amount of time you spend, male/female, personality, something completely different...? But like you found out, even when my husband does spend a stretch of time alone with the kids - he doesn't have to deal with the same/same amount of behavior issues that I do. Maybe moms simply are always the soft place to land...?
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. My husband doesn't shy away from enforcing the rules (though he's better at it in the weekends!) but he's also really looking for some play/down-time when he first gets home. He doesn't want to get dragged into the day's events (unless they're significant), which I agree with, he shouldn't have to deal with something one of the kids did 3 hours ago (and I wouldn't want to tell them "wait until your father gets home!"). I guess it sort of gets to me a little that he'll get to just be fun with them while I'm still in a bit of a mood from the last couple of hours. But I think he needs that too - he works in a bit of a 'bad' school (as in "sorry Jimmy, you'll have to leave the gang paraphernalia in the office") and has many 'interesting' days with those kids so I know he needs to transition from that back to being with his own kids.
